In this episode we hear a heartwarming story from our friend Ronda. Through trials, disappointments, and years of waiting, Ronda learned to tune into God’s voice over her own. Listen in to hear how saying “yes” led to a greater faith and to adoption.
With a lifetime desire to become a mom, Ronda was able to adopt Caleigh at age 11 through domestic adoption and the foster care system. But only after waiting 2 years from her adoption certification!
Her career centers around music education, where Ronda is a choir direction, teaches AP music, piano, and voice in the St. Louis Metro area. Ronda lives with Caleigh, who is now a senior in high school, and their dog Dory (cover photo.)
Favorite quotes from the episode:
“You know when you’re in high school and you have all these plans and you’ve got your life planned out and you think it’s gonna go that way - ha! That’s so funny!”
“I remember Him saying ‘I have given you *all things* for life and godliness.’”
“I bought the lie ‘You’re divorced. Now you can’t do anything for God.’”
“It was such a desire in my heart to be a mom. But it’s not the way I chose. But it is God’s way.”
“If you’re ever wanting to help foster or adoptive families making meals for them is really helpful.”
“I have such a better understanding of God’s grace now than I ever did then.”
“There is a box we put Him in. It doesn’t have to be my way. God has something bigger than my way.”
“Just don’t close the doors to what God might do. Let Him lead and open the doors.”
“Don’t let fear keep you back.”
“I was afraid of being alone. But I’m not alone; I have Him.”
Fun things from the episode:
Follow Now That's Something Good: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
In this episode we hear a heartwarming story from our friend Ronda. Through trials, disappointments, and years of waiting, Ronda learned to tune into God’s voice over her own. Listen in to hear how saying “yes” led to a greater faith and to adoption.
With a lifetime desire to become a mom, Ronda was able to adopt Caleigh at age 11 through domestic adoption and the foster care system. But only after waiting 2 years from her adoption certification!
Her career centers around music education, where Ronda is a choir direction, teaches AP music, piano, and voice in the St. Louis Metro area. Ronda lives with Caleigh, who is now a senior in high school, and their dog Dory (cover photo.)
Favorite quotes from the episode:
“You know when you’re in high school and you have all these plans and you’ve got your life planned out and you think it’s gonna go that way - ha! That’s so funny!”
“I remember Him saying ‘I have given you *all things* for life and godliness.’”
“I bought the lie ‘You’re divorced. Now you can’t do anything for God.’”
“It was such a desire in my heart to be a mom. But it’s not the way I chose. But it is God’s way.”
“If you’re ever wanting to help foster or adoptive families making meals for them is really helpful.”
“I have such a better understanding of God’s grace now than I ever did then.”
“There is a box we put Him in. It doesn’t have to be my way. God has something bigger than my way.”
“Just don’t close the doors to what God might do. Let Him lead and open the doors.”
“Don’t let fear keep you back.”
“I was afraid of being alone. But I’m not alone; I have Him.”
Fun things from the episode:
Follow Now That's Something Good: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
Sarah:
[2:12] Hey friends welcome back to the show today I have my friend Ronda here.
Ronda:
[2:17] Yay.
Sarah:
[2:18] I'm so glad thank you for being here with us Ronda.
Ronda:
[2:20] Well thank you so much for having me.
Sarah:
[2:22] Of course why don't you just tell everybody a little bit who you are or what you do all of the fun things.
Ronda:
[2:26] Okay so I am a mom I'm a mom of a girl that I adopted when she was 11 and I'm a teacher and I.
Golly.
What all do Church you know the whole thing I teach,
High School choir and AP music theory I also have some voice and piano students as well that's kind of grown lately and so yeah I'm enjoying that I've been,
I'm you know been doing this for quite a long time so I taught Elementary for 12 years and.
Then I've been in high school for the rest of that time so that's that's fun I love that and a few years ago God called me to adopt.
Sarah:
[3:15] I love it we're going to talk about all of those things a little more we're on a do you want to tell people like how do we know each other.
Ronda:
[3:21] Okay so we know each other from,
two rivers from church and so I came with my friend Kim and you were friends with Kim and you came and talked to her and you said hi to me and invited me that day,
to join the small group you guys were starting and that my daughter could do babysitting and it was just like a dream come true because we had been wanting to get involved and we just had been there maybe,
two or three maybe this was the first Sunday I don't even know it was very early in the whole thing it was very early and it just was like a huge confirmation because Kaylee wanted to do babysitting and and help with small groups and,
and then I was like sure this is great and it was oh it was such a special group it was such a special.
Sarah:
[4:10] Such a special time in well I'm really glad you're here to tell your story so we're going to jump inRonda but so I actually remember my first memory of you is actually sitting in the old you throw at the building we met I think that's actually the first time we met,
because it literally though I think it was like your first or second Sunday they were doing something our youth pastor was doing Brandon he's actually been on the show he was back a couple episodes he was doing something for all the parents and we were sitting at the same table,
and we just somehow I don't even know how the adoption thing came up but literally that and I,
oh wait we have to we have to talk because with our story of adoption and then you sharing that was like okay Ronda and I are going to be friends I want to hear your story and then you did you told me part of your story and this was all but this had to be like two or three years ago or.
Ronda:
[4:57] Yeah it's probably three years ago probably.
Amber yeah because we did we did that's right we did come in November and we came to church and they said next week we're going to have a breakfast parent breakfast for the new youth pastor and I was like I'm going to bed,
and just to see you know and caught the vision and it was so great and we did sit at that table together I remember that and talked about adoption and.
Sarah:
[5:20] It was crazy it was start of a good friendship,
and so I want you to share so Ronda was supposed to be on here back in November when it was National orphan adoption awareness month we wanted to share her and Kaylee story back then but then our family got covid and it just all went.
Ronda:
[5:36] And then my daughter got quarantine.
Sarah:
[5:37] It just
you got a little crazy so here we are at the end of December and we're going to get to tell the story because you we you kind of tried to back out on me I think a couple times Ronda and I was like nope we're going to tell the story I want to do this it's so great so Ronda why don't you just jump in where,
ever you want to start with kind of telling us the story that led to adoption of your.
Ronda:
[5:58] Okay well it's a it's a long sorted past but I will tell you so,
um I think I think the best place to start is just how I was raised you know I was raised in a Christian home my mom and dad my dad was a pastor mom was like the perfect pastor's wife,
kind of like the one we have is just exactly like that and anyway so,
I just always wanted to be a mom and fact,
in high school I was trying to decide who I want to be a music teacher do I want to be a psychologist I was trying to between those two because I loved like talking to people and help them with their problems and and.
He was like God just kept directed me towards music and I realized in music,
I could be a mom and I could stay home with my kids and then go to school and they go to school I mean when you're in high school and you have all these plans and you've got your life planned out and you think it's going to go that way that's so funny anyway.
Sarah:
[6:55] It is you think you know so much.
Ronda:
[6:57] Do you just think you do it so I am I really felt like God called me to be a music teacher and I jumped in learning that I went to,
Christian college and then,
from there on to secular college and I ended up marrying my high-school sweetheart who said he would be a pastor and he was a youth pastor and our marriage lasted a year and a half and,
that ended tragically and with a lot of heartbreak on my end and I felt like.
[7:36] I would never be a mother I would never have Ministry I kind of felt I bought the lie that well you're divorced now so you can't do anything for God you know you can tithe but that's all,
you know you can't teach Sunday school you like because you're you're,
disqualified it really that's kind of how I felt and I there was so much shame and God was so good and he met me in that,
place and he gave me Isaiah 54 which says seeing o barren woman you who never bore a child birth smooth song and Shout for Joy for you
who are never in labor some more of the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband and I was like,
I knew with all my heart that was my verse and it goes on and says you will forget the shame of your Youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood
I'll call you back as if you're a wife deserted and distressed in spirit a wife who married young only to be rejected I was like whoa that's what I did I married young I was 21 when I got married I'm 23 when I got divorced and,
what is this I'm and I only ever dated one person you know so I was very I mean followed all the rules the Christian rules if you know what I'm saying so,
um and so.
[8:54] I believe that and that gave me Comfort But as time went on I felt like I need to take things into my own hands because God's timing wasn't,
very fast.
[9:05] And you know the biological clock is ticking and and so.
A couple of years later I met a guy that I went to high school with and and we were friends and our friendship grew and and two years later so four years after the first divorce I married him and,
there are a lot of things that he was like you don't have to just tie the God can use you you know he's very there were some things about that that was very there were very I don't know,
you know attractive and encouraging and like oh really you think that and wow okay and so,
so that I remember nobody liked him,
my family and my friends were like you could do better and I was like,
ouch but I you know there's a whole story in that as well but I don't want to go into all that but there's a story there maybe another day and another year,
but I really like I believe I believe that God told me no but I was like it's going to be okay and I as I look back now I feel like,
I did that because I was trying to cover up the shame I wasn't trusting what he said in his word that he would take care of the shame and.
[10:29] The fact that I can talk about this right now means he has taken care of the shame,
and I'm not like a puddle or living in condemnation I'm not and and just actually just be able to well it's like it's something happened just happened and whatever anyway that marriage was very,
very difficult and it wasn't from the first day on there was a lot of anger and a lot of negativity that was there and it was,
it was very hard and I was trying to hold a marriage together and blah blah blah and in I mean I was trying to hold it together with all kinds of things but,
Ivan said what if we just had a kid in which is like craziness you know and and thankfully he didn't bite on that so now by the time I'm 34,
I'm twice divorced.
Sarah:
[11:20] Okay.
Ronda:
[11:22] In from raised in this very Christian home and I'm like oh my gosh you know my that my time is running out you know but,
to be honest with you I know it sounds kind of counterintuitive but I felt like I didn't ever feel like I needed to have a child from my own body,
like I do a lot of women struggle with infertility and my heart breaks for them because they want that so bad,
that is never been something that's been a huge desire I just want to be a mother like so so even in my.
Like my whole marriage is I was like adoption is definitely not a pot not a out in my mind so.
Sarah:
[12:06] You yeah something to consider.
Ronda:
[12:08] So I would I mean I would you know I wouldn't mind having a child's from my own body but you know it,
didn't work out I would not have him like I was like not a an issue of like that I would need to grieve just that's just,
I don't know maybe as a gift God gave me I don't know because there are a lot of things that I did grief but sometimes we just can't take it all,
and so God just give us a cigarette break on something so I feel like that was that was there but
anyway so I go through the second divorce and you know God is so good and he just gives me gives me scripture and I won't quote it all like this like the last time but if someone of three really became
really powerful about you know he heals all your diseases because,
you know I've sent me a lot of stress induced things like eczema and stomach issues and you know,
lots of lots of stuff so gallbladder you know they were like oh you should take your gallbladder out and I'm like I really don't think that's the problem one whom I think it's him anyway age but,
I feel like God rescued me from that from that relationship so that divorce happened in 2002 or 3.
I forgot it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter.
Sarah:
[13:24] Okay now it's sweet you're 34 years old by this point what you said.
Ronda:
[13:27] I'm 34 when I go through it in 2003 that is right, so I,
just kind of plug along and and I'm like I don't remember just often asking I got when are you going to let me meet somebody like I need to start my Ministry,
like I just felt like I couldn't be a minister for god without being married I couldn't do whatever God had for me to do I feel like there was something missing and I had to have that piece so that I could do the next piece,
and he,
very very graciously 10 years later in 2013 I just remember very strongly remembering him saying,
I've given you all things for life and godliness just the Scripture its I think a 2 Peter 1:3,
it's like I've given you all things for life and godliness and I was like all things as for life,
that means I have everything I need for Ministry and it was like a light bulb like I know it seems so dumb for some people but it really was a huge Epiphany for me because I had believed a lie,
from years that I needed this in my life you know what I'm saying and I was like.
[14:42] Oh my gosh this is amazing so so.
That it just like took this weight off and then suddenly I didn't have to be wondering well if I go to this place and I with these friends maybe I'll meet him or maybe I go here and all that stopped like it just I didn't need it anymore I was like who cares,
if it happens it happens.
Sarah:
[15:03] That's a that's a good.
Ronda:
[15:04] And and so I have there were two really dear friends Michelle and Stacey were still good friends to this day but Michelle and her husband.
Were pursuing adoption of a Sibling Group through foster care and Stacy and her husband had four children already but they were.
Wanting to Foster.
At that time so and I was like I want to do it too and we were meeting like every couple of weeks and praying together and sharing what God's doing kind of accountability and as well as just,
encouraging one another and just is just a very precious time and I'm like I want to do it too and I was like well you can I'm like no I can't I'm not married they're like,
well why not I'm like I've all things for life I godliness.
Sarah:
[15:53] You're like why I don't know why not.
Ronda:
[15:55] And I was like they're like why not and I for the first time I allowed myself to go there and to think.
You know because I do believe so strongly that a child needs a mother and a father and I am not of that mindset I can do anything I don't need a man you know I am not that kind of person,
and I didn't want to be perceived that way and,
it was like it didn't matter because I don't know God was just like I've given you everything you need for everything I call you to do.
Sarah:
[16:29] Mmm yeah absolutely.
Ronda:
[16:31] If I call you to this,
you can do it and so over there was a couple of lady from one heart family Ministries Emily niehaus came to our church and the church I was at before I met you and,
she was going to be giving a talk about Foster and adoption and I was like they're like Michelle's like are you going to that meeting I'm like yeah I was thinking about it but I don't know and I think I've got to teach that day I'll just
you know I'll just whatever and she's like okay well hopefully I'll see you there and I was like okay and I was like okay well if I don't have to teach I'll go well then I thought I had to teach that because it was like a month
I was on a mental rotation I didn't have to teach and I'm like okay well if I wake up I mean I was like.
Sarah:
[17:14] Yeah trying to give all these out.
Ronda:
[17:16] Likewise I really was and I went there and it was like.
I just sat there and wept and I was like I have to do this I know that I have to do this it was it wasn't it was a call and it was a.
Desire in a strong like you just can't deny it like,
if I don't do this I'm disobeying God like and so I was like okay well I need to you know run this through my,
my respected advisors.
Sarah:
[17:47] Okay.
Ronda:
[17:48] So I.
You know you know you just gotta have those and so I would I talked to a couple people and I was like okay I want to make sure I talked to the pastor and the Elders of our church and you know I know that,
a child needs a father figure and you know and I'm,
want to make sure that there's going to be support and they were like they 100% were like go for it I'm like really are you keep thinking you're gonna say no.
Sarah:
[18:16] Right right.
Ronda:
[18:17] Really and then I was like talk to my parents which you know they have they have been such a support through so many things and I just,
there's a story there but I of redemption that God gave us but God just,
he just opened the door so they came up to see me and this was a March of 2013 and they always go to a choir concert one of my Choir concerts every year they go to least one and that was the one they were going to go to us in March and so they came to my house and with a,
after the concert because I we kind of had this thing where they show up the day of the concert.
The concert so I don't have to be all nervous and you know we did we then then we come home and we can relax and get more time and I'm not.
Sarah:
[19:01] Yeah that makes sense yeah.
Ronda:
[19:03] All that so so they with their visit and I was like I've got to I've got to talk to me there were just talking so excited about my.
Cousin like it's a second cousin and they had visited my dad's aunt and they've she just going on and on and on about these kids that,
his cousin and his wife had adopted from Ethiopia.
Sarah:
[19:21] Okay okay.
Ronda:
[19:23] And how amazing was all the pictures and they were just like this is the most exciting thing in the most wonderful thing and I was like I need to talk to you guys,
and I asked I asked him I said I'd just like your blessing and and they're like we give our blessing and when we you know when God says go we say yes and we say yes to your will Lord,
and my mom to my mom is a little more hesitant I think because she knows what it's like to be a mom and knew that I would be doing it by myself but she was supportive as she was a hundred percent on board as well she just was like,
I want you to make sure you're sure you know you know and I get that and so she's been the best so.
I started the classes with Emily.
Sarah:
[20:05] Okay okay.
Ronda:
[20:07] Well with One Heart Family Ministries which shout out to them they're amazing and there isn't,
there was another single mom in the group and we kind of got to well there were three of us and but the these two of us have become,
we've stayed friends and anyway so long story longer I'm sorry.
Sarah:
[20:28] No you're you're doing good.
Ronda:
[20:30] I took the classes I was certified I got all the stuff I got and I started getting emails throughout parent kids and and I kind of in my mind was like,
I and my caseworker was so good she she was like I don't want a little kid like I don't want to deal with potty training.
Sarah:
[20:48] Yeah yeah.
Ronda:
[20:49] You know I feel like they need to go to school I need to go to school because I you know she knew my job and the stress of it,
the thing Russell here's a here's a side note you know when you go to the Foster and adoptive classes they ask you do you want to Foster or do you want to adopt,
and I thought I think I want to adopt and and.
And so I don't think I want to Foster and but then it was made very clear because in the class has a foster mom,
has if you're going to be a foster even Foster to adopt or whatever just Foster or anybody that came along you have to be available at a moment's notice,
you drop everything and then you have you get the Kid,
orchids and then you take them immediately to the doctor the next day and then you take them to their psychology its appointments and then you take them to all these places and they have to buy buy food and you have to buy clothes you have to just have all this on hand and just.
Sarah:
[21:41] Yeah yeah not a lot of time to prepare yeah.
Ronda:
[21:46] Is with adoption you will have a little time to say okay and then you can say at a date this is a good date while what so I knew with my job and the performances and the competitions,
stuff that I have going on it would probably be best to do adoption but that's what I wanted anyway so worked out great,
so that was just like okay that's a confirmation and then and then International or domestic and I was like I have no savings,
we're going to go domestic you know it was just kind of,
it was it was there are so many choices and all the choices are good choices and they're there but I just felt like God was calling me and he was going to provide,
and these for the ways he did for me and my story so so I'm great with all kinds I think it's I think it's a beautiful.
Sarah:
[22:31] We've talked about that a lot on the podcast when we were in November months just saying like God called everybody's stories different and there's no right or wrong way for adoption or fostering and however families come together is the way that it was supposed to be and so,
there's it is and God has to lead you some right he's leading you on a journey and a path to find your child.
Okay so it was through social domestic adoption you had to take all the classes.
Ronda:
[22:56] Foster care yeah and then and get all the certifications and they come and they look over your finances and they ask the interviewer friends and.
Sarah:
[23:02] It's very invasive right yes there's nothing hidden.
Ronda:
[23:06] They come to your house and they'd say you don't have enough GFI outlets... okay.
Sarah:
[23:12] How scary are those home visits your like under a microscope like are they going to tell me.
Ronda:
[23:15] Is it always this clean yeah well I like it to be.
Sarah:
[23:19] In theory yes.
Ronda:
[23:22] You know it was yeah.
Sarah:
[23:24] So how long about Ronda was that process going through all the certification in the home.
Ronda:
[23:29] The classes and the Homestay it took about six months maybe a little less and then it was just wait for a kid and you would get emails it's kind of like,
online dating kind of it sounds terrible terrible this a but you get these profiles.
Sarah:
[23:46] Yes yeah.
Ronda:
[23:47] Look at a picture and you know well could I live with this kid based on the paragraph you know a.
Sarah:
[23:52] How does anybody know that's a hard.
Ronda:
[23:55] Exactly and so my caseworker I would say what do you think about this little boy and she's like Ronda that's going to be that's going to be two parent family,
it's just too much there's too much what about these two little sisters Ronda you do not need siblings my oh I want I don't want the kid to be by themselves and,
and I wish you would just she really knew me more than I knew because she knew what was out there,
all that entail she knew what was best and it was really really good and then you know that's going to be a medical needs and with your job that's not going to work and you know all these things and and I waited for two years.
Sarah:
[24:31] Wow okay.
Ronda:
[24:33] So by the time I got Kaylee it was exactly two years.
Sarah:
[24:36] Wow that's a that's a long time.
Ronda:
[24:39] It was a long time especially when you aren't that old.
Sarah:
[24:41] Ronda winter that'll will tell me okay let's talk about that just for a second because the waiting there's a waiting process in the adoption fostering no matter,
how long whichever have no you go there is just time whether it's even just the time for the classes what did you learn what was going on during the waiting time
I always want to ask because it's you I mean in two years is in some ways it doesn't seem like a long time but when you're in it it's.
Ronda:
[25:06] It was it was a long time and I was like it is really didn't like okay God,
I heard you what's going on you know what's going on how long do I have to wait and like I was kind of getting somewhere like.
[25:22] You know just like did I die here you you know I think I did and I really,
and my caseworker was so great she was like Ronda it's going to happen it's going to happen don't worry it's going to happen and I would be like well what if I need to go this way because I kind of had like a 4 to 9 years old so like,
after their 9i you know some friends that like at older kids and that wasn't a good experience and I was like well let's just do that let's just do nine,
and and so you get I would get emails from her but then you also get put in these databases all over yeah and,
I got,
and then also through one heart I would get kids and any way through to all these places and you would just look through them and look through and and pray and what do I what Lord what and this,
little girl Kaylee came up and in November of 2014 and I.
[26:25] I saw her and I was like hmm and it said that she is 11:00,
and I was like oh that's a little older she does well in school she gets along well with her peers makes A's and B's in school because along with the well with her peers and her teacher's wants
please them I was like we got Surplus wants to be involved in every club and every activity,
and she loves to listen to K-Love,
my heart music and she sings alone or she sings solos and with her friends at church.
Sarah:
[27:03] Junior.
Ronda:
[27:04] I was like okay close the computer and I was like huh.
And I just walked away.
Sarah:
[27:15] He walked away.
Ronda:
[27:17] And I just gotta win.
Sarah:
[27:18] What do I do now.
Ronda:
[27:18] And I was like huh.
Okay let's just don't rush let's just tomorrow if you still think about her email email cat Christy and I was like my caseworker and.
Isaiah emailed her and I said Christy what do you think about this when she goes I think this could be a good fit well she never said that everything was no this no that now this I'm like,
she was but I didn't have her on my radar because she was so old and I said I know but I think she might fit she goes I think she might fit to and I'm.
Okay okay so I said well if you think so then let's let's get the long profile so the long profile so you had that paragraph the long profile kind of tells a little bit of her life story in about two pages.
Sarah:
[28:03] Okay okay wow yeah.
Ronda:
[28:04] So that's what you get maybe three and so in that profile I see that either she has a biological sister they've been separated she has,
lived in lots of different homes she has had more of her like little issues which I don't want to,
I liked her but I piece I was like okay yeah those are issues but I feast.
Okay let's pursue it so so what happens next is they set up a staffing which a staffing is when you sit in a room with about 10 other people you have,
my caseworker her caseworker the guardian ad litem which is the lawyer that is appointed to a represent the child,
who may not know doesn't know the child but is there to represent as a legal whatever and then you have you also have the juvenile officer,
and you have the foster parents then you have some community members and I don't know there's there are like 11 people around the table.
Sarah:
[29:12] Remind me real quick so there's a because every adoption thing is so different so let's just clarify for so we're talking again domestic adoption through the foster care system,
but you are talking about you had specifically said you were looking for children that were completely eligible for adoption right okay so there's two different.
Ronda:
[29:28] Yes yes yes.
Sarah:
[29:31] That can happen because not every child in the foster care system,
yes some of them just need some temporary care while parents or Guardians are getting some work done or whatever working on themselves and then hopefully the goal is reunification with their family,
and then there's also children in the foster care system that for whatever I mean there's hundreds of reasons as to why they are needing permanent Guardianship and needing to be adopted right okay so you're.
Ronda:
[29:55] Exactly so exactly I'm glad you said that so like my friends Michelle they adopted the Three Boys the boys they adopted they fostered them to adopt but it wasn't quite settled if they were eligible for adoption and we had to,
we had to pray through that and then you're like you want them to be with their moms and but it's so hard if there's so many heartbreaking Parts about it but.
Sarah:
[30:18] Yes and hundreds of stories as to why kids are in there is no one cookie cutter shape and it can be very very different but I.
Ronda:
[30:26] So in Kaylee's case she was fully yeah I'm sorry.
Sarah:
[30:29] No that's okay.
Ronda:
[30:30] She was fully eligible for adoption which means her parents had terminated their rights both of them and so,
anyway so so there was no body that was going to come out of the woodwork,
and say that's my kid or whatever it was it was a settled thing which gave me a lot of pieces well too but that doesn't always happen that way there's a lot of,
question marks for a lot of people for a lot of for that but so anyway so I thought for it so the Staffing was scheduled for the end of.
[31:06] Was scheduled for the end of February and and I had to be in her town which was across the state and so I drove over there and it was snowing that day,
and my mom they live in,
Arkansas right up right below there so my mom and dad were going to come up and pray because they like to we're praying family like they're like we're going to send the parking lot of praying like okay so my dad got sick and he couldn't come but my mom came and she sat in the parking lot parade while I was in this,
Staffing and you know when you go to an interview and you're like I got the job I got the job,
like you just make this connection with everybody and and I'm sitting there in the Staffing and I'm looking at they've given me more pictures of her besides what I've seen on the internet cuz I was like seeing like two pictures and and there's a picture in her basketball uniform and,
and I'm like this is my baby and I'm just kind of petting it like I'm so happy and like,
like oh Lord please Lord please and so I just feel so,
peaceful and confident and because it was snowing outside I probably ought to go home instead of because I was going to stay with my parents and for the weekend but I was like I don't want to get stuck there
so it took me seven hours to get home instead of four and it snowed and on the way home they called and they said Ronda we think you're going to be a great mom but not to Kate.
Sarah:
[32:22] Oh my.
Ronda:
[32:24] And I'm like.
Sarah:
[32:27] Ronda.
Ronda:
[32:29] What.
Sarah:
[32:31] This is what we need the dramatic music well could you add in a like dude like it needs a little oh.
Ronda:
[32:36] Don't taunt uh yeah and so I'm just like it was a really a very.
Existential moment like why,
God are you there did I hear you I thought I heard you like I have never even with my two divorces which I was very devastated.
I've never felt that low like I just I just felt so low like I went I got home finally after 7 hours and I just curled on the couch with my cat and I stayed there throughout the whole weekend,
and I think I got up and went to church Sunday just because I needed to do that but other than that I was on the couch and and,
my caseworker said Ronda sometimes these things fall through I don't want to give you false hope but just sometimes they fall through it.
Sarah:
[33:28] Did they give any reason as to.
Ronda:
[33:30] Yeah the other couple that they chose lived in the area.
Sarah:
[33:35] Okay so there was another.
Ronda:
[33:36] Close by so she could keep all her,
counselors and her doctors in that and it was a two-parent home which Cayley had requested that she wanted a mom and a dad and so,
that's that's what happened so.
And my case workers like I'm gonna find out what's going on this is it right here so she found out she found that that was a reason and I'm like okay I'm like I'm,
okay God what I don't know what to do what do you what do you tell me so I mean I'm really like I thought I heard you like that was the hardest part like I losing her but also like losing like this connection with God,
that I really felt like I he was talking to me and so I was kind of like,
I was in the grave and so on Monday I got a call from Joe hey Ronda this is Joe and I'm like, Joe? Who's Joe? Joe was her foster dad he said I just want you to know you're going to get a call tomorrow that,
Caleigh is yours oh my and I'm like.
[34:41] Who are you getting we talk for a minute I'm like is this okay so I call my kids working like is this protocol and I know we're not supposed to be there and so but he had asked I guess he had asked they hurt.
Their caseworker for my number or whatever because I don't know how I got it but he been anyway he had permission to call me but the next day which was my birthday,
46th birthday,
they called and said you're a mom and,
I was so excited well then Joe charge little pushy I love you Joe I'll you know you are and and I say he said you want to talk to her you want to talk to her right now and I said you know I know I don't I want to wait,
until I read her case File,
because I wanted to know everything so until you get to that place where you are the chosen family then you get to read her entire case File up to this point I've just had the three page,
so I said okay I'm going to take the day off tomorrow I'm going to run to your town and I'm going to.
Read the case file and if I still feel good about it then I will contact her but I do not want to contact her and say yeah I'm think I'm gonna adopt you.
Sarah:
[35:58] Yeah yeah.
Ronda:
[35:58] You know and because because when that happened that was her fourth failed,
people had said oh yeah we're going to adopt you and then for whatever reason,
sometimes they change your mind sometimes the state intervened it was been it's been a horrible like that's that's just breaks my heart for her,
so I did not want to be another one and a long list for her so so I drove to the town and I went into the little office and they put me in a little room and gave me four stacks of files that were,
help I don't know what to say 5 inches.
Sarah:
[36:34] Five and yeah wow there's poor sweet.
Ronda:
[36:34] Thick and and and,
I mean a lot of it is repetition and a lot of its legalese so I kind of got the hang of flipping through until I could kind of see but there are things I learned there that have helped me and helped walk her through things you know,
one thing that just gave me so much joy is that she,
she would sing the B.I.B.L.E. and This Little Light of Mine and Jesus loves me they would write down the name of the song or that are the lyrics to the song like when she had her supervised visits with her mom,
and so I was so happy about that like that that was a blessing so I get to the end of the last one I'm like.
[37:20] Have peace what is that I've piece of my goodness oh my goodness so I called Joe and I said hey is,
is it okay if I meet her and they said yeah we're having church tonight and we're we can meet up at the church they're going to have a dinner like they have Wednesday night supper before the youth group or whatever and you can join us there and I said we'll probably just be about an hour because I need to get home.
It's a four-hour drive so I drove up there and we just looked at each other and it was like,
I'm your mom and she was so shy and I was so sure I was so shy and and Jose like you guys are just taking each other and I'm like I know it's so great and so we had a,
so then we had to plan when we would have the exchanging of everything and so and,
so we arranged a weekend visit in Kansas City because I was halfway or not happen we both closer to them but I just said let's I decided we can take a weekend off go.
[38:26] Go see her we got a hotel with a pool which the pool was getting renovated,
but whatever and we just had a really good weekend together at the hotel and then the next to okay so the Saturday after I met her I had solo and Ensemble competition,
so that was a big all day event for school and then the next Saturday we met in Kansas City and then the next Tuesday we.
She moved in.
Sarah:
[38:55] Wow okay.
Ronda:
[38:56] So I drove up to Kansas City and met them and got her and put all her worldly belongings in my car and.
Sarah:
[39:01] Wow and so she was 11 still at this time.
Ronda:
[39:04] She was 11.
Sarah:
[39:05] Okay and how long had she been in the foster care system at that point.
Ronda:
[39:10] She was in off and on as a little kid like toddler 3/4 but then kind of after 5 years old on,
there than there were some visits and and sometimes she had a home visits with her mom but it was pretty much foster-care on from there so she she lived in about six years and.
Sarah:
[39:29] Okay it's a long time and so then just walk us through so she came home then with you but then it took a little bit right for the adoption to actually be finalized.
Ronda:
[39:39] Yes so.
Just some advice that I was given and I think it was really wise is you know a lot of times people have like a big party and welcome everybody but I was advised,
um just you two yeah bring it in and so I took my maternity leave,
gold and and because she was older she was going to go to school I needed or go to school we just took two weeks off and then we had spring break in there so it end up being three weeks,
and I that the last week she went back to school but I stayed home and just finished taking care of stuff and then,
went to school the next week so that that was really good and people brought us meals and that was so helpful I mean you think I have an 11 year old you can do this on your own but there were so many.
[40:26] Emotional traumatic breakdown moments on her are both like her part and just trying to navigate how to be a family,
we just needed that extra so if you are ever wanting to help Foster families or adoptive families this is a great way to help them like it was really really helpful,
and my my school,
had a gift card shower for us my friends gave me a kid shower it was precious so I we got games and we got gift card and we got a you know,
memberships to different things to Six Flags and you know different things that people did for us that we could do together and it was just really important that we just so the shower and all that stuff was before she came,
but then I was able to pull out here's a present you know and and here and they're all through so instead of a million people and these people,
it was it was a little bit overwhelming so so even even every single time we go to Walmart I always see a former student she's like Mom you know.
Sarah:
[41:32] That's probably true.
Ronda:
[41:35] I do know a lot of people but anyway that's been that's been good so yeah that's so so she came in,
and then the state of Missouri you have to live together for six months before your adoption can final you can apply for adoption so.
We're living together so every month a caseworker comes and visits from the other side of the state all the way and visit over us over here and,
just to make sure.
Sarah:
[42:04] Just check on everything.
Ronda:
[42:05] Everything is going okay and talks to her really didn't pull her aside privately and she I mean she asked her if she wanted to but she was fine she's like no,
so and then so if,
so in October I could a file for a date and then I was set for the weekend of Thanksgiving and we went back over across the state and had our adoption day and that was a hard day for her she,
we got to go to her favorite restaurant in her town and,
she showed us all around but as we got closer and closer to the time of the court date she's like my tummy hurts you know.
Sarah:
[42:44] Yeah yeah.
Ronda:
[42:44] And I was like it's okay I'm gonna adopt you I'm gonna adopt you because I feel like and release there's a lot of trauma in between,
up until that point there was a lot of.
Triggering situations and and there was a it was very Rocky but throughout that whole time I'm like I know that I know she's my daughter.
Sarah:
[43:06] Right right yeah you do.
Ronda:
[43:07] You know you know and it's not it's not going to change there's nothing that's going to change this and you know it can get crazy but it's not going to change and,
but that had that had to that trust had to be built because those other people who had said,
Dan and then our didn't happen so I feel like once the adoption was Final that caused a little bit more settling into the foundation of her life and then,
over the course of time as more stuff happen it happened so.
Sarah:
[43:42] Okay so that's been five years.
Ronda:
[43:44] Five years so she came March 2015 and we adopted,
um November 17th 2015.
Sarah:
[43:55] That's amazing tell me just give us a little bit how I mean five five and a half six years I mean Kaylee's Matt she's a senior.
Ronda:
[44:02] She is a senior.
Sarah:
[44:03] How is being a mom how I mean yeah.
Ronda:
[44:05] I love being a mom I never thought I'd be a mom of a of an only child but that's good I'm good with what.
Sarah:
[44:14] That's it.
Ronda:
[44:17] This is always asking me mom can you get more kids,
anyway so yeah it's great it has we have had our times of ups and downs but she is she is delightful I thought from the moment I,
I met her from the moment I saw her picture that is the word for her she's just delightful she's so fun and she's always thinking and she's always,
coming up with all these ideas and I'm like okay and and definitely has an opinion on everything.
Sarah:
[44:50] I've met Kaylee and delightful is a great word.
Ronda:
[44:53] It is she's really.
Sarah:
[44:54] He is such a sweet special girl and it's so cool how God brought,
guys this family together so Ronda if there's somebody listening who's like hey I'm kind of,
thinking about this I'm considering this do you have any just advice or words of encouragement that you would just give somebody who's maybe on the fence or not sure if God's calling them to it what would you say or encourage them to do.
Ronda:
[45:18] Well I mean I mean I was kind of like really,
okay really okay because it was such a desire of my heart to be a mom and this is not the way I had pictured,
or what I've chosen for myself but it is God's way and it is a good way it's very good.
Sarah:
[45:37] Mmm.
Ronda:
[45:38] And so I would say talk to people talk to lots of people who have adopted and and
and here here are the real day-to-day stories like it is not easy and there have been some Seasons that have been very very difficult but it is so worth it
is so worth it and I would say a couple of things number one,
you can't do it to feel something in you you have to do it from a filled up place because,
if you're doing it because like well I need to pour into somebody or something like that is anything about you it's going to backfire and be bad like you,
you have to not need,
I don't know if that makes sense like when when the child whoever is going through their own trauma it's so easy for me to make it about me.
[46:44] Like that or they're pushing buttons and they're pushing my buttons and I have to realize that's about them and,
and if I'm in a place where,
I'm not filled up with the Lord and confident and what he's called me to do I will easily go down that path of,
this this is about me and and yes God uses everything to grow me and he's he is doing that but so it's just,
I don't know I'm I don't think I'm saying it right but you helped me say it.
Sarah:
[47:20] Your I think I'm understanding you.
Ronda:
[47:21] You can.
Sarah:
[47:23] Kids from hard places have so much and sometimes when you're going at any time even if you're in your it could just be biological kids if you think that a child or somebody is going to fix those kind of like the example that you gave while you were married earlier and you said well maybe we could just have a kid,
and that that is not necessarily.
Ronda:
[47:39] No it's too plain.
Sarah:
[47:40] Exit of things and so you need to just be in a very and let's be honest no one is ever fully prepared to be a there's nothing that really prepares you for it until you,
are in the middle of it but,
I want to make sure you're going into all of it for as much of the right reasons as you can or not just hey I'm going to go save a child or I'm going to do any of those things because,
as you could tell or I could tell other people that we've known that if it's really almost the opposite,
I mean I know with our story of Lincoln it was not about us going to save a child it was really about the work that God did and we'll and I in our heart,
much I mean he's doing stuff and Lincoln's life for sure but much more the other way around.
Ronda:
[48:18] A hundred percent hundred percent.
Sarah:
[48:20] What they wanted to show we're on the I want to eat you said something early on and I just want to come back to this because I think so many people might,
have some of the same thinking patterns might not even realize it you talked about while you were waiting to be a mom and thinking and really waiting for you to do,
quote unquote Ministry or what God had for you thinking that life had to look a certain way,
for you to do the things God called you to and I just want to come back and talk about that because you said that and you said it so so well but I really want to come back and clarify again that it's like hey God is do.
[48:55] He does not work in the same timing or the space that we do and sometimes our world or our circumstances lead us to believe certain things to be true that are not really true in God's economy,
and the plan that he wants in the story that he's written in everybody's life which you know we're huge about stories all of our listeners know that's the whole reason we have this podcast is that God just is doing
really extraordinary things in everyday moments but sometimes we get so caught up you talked about it's a lie you got bought into a lie that,
you had to be married before you could do this or you had to be married before you could even have kids and yes there's sometimes a right and way that we want to follow steps and God has a plan but,
the plan for you was different and he wanted you to be a mom and if you continue to have walked in that path you could have missed out on so much of what God,
when you say can you is there anything else you would like to say about that kind of time and what God has just done and really how he has just
changed you a little bit or your perspective on all of that just now or what you would tell young Ronda if you could go back and tell you know if somebody's listening now that's that like hey God can't use me or he can't use this part of my story or,
because I know you talked about the shame I mean there's several I'm kind of Crossing several things here but whatever sticks out to you I does that make sense.
Ronda:
[50:14] I think so yeah I feel like.
We just put him in a box got in a box and we're like like bike my little plan for my life that I'll do this and then that and then this and then that and this will happen and then that'll happen in Watertown happily ever.
Sarah:
[50:33] Yeah and life will be perfect yes.
Ronda:
[50:35] And none of that has happened but I wouldn't change any of it like I really,
I have such a better understanding of God's grace,
now then I ever ever ever did then I don't know if I'm answering your question right but.
Sarah:
[50:57] No you're doing great.
Ronda:
[50:59] I really feel like there's that there is a box that we put him in and even this this very day just realizing some things I was thinking it doesn't have to be what I think it has to be
it could be bigger than that and one of the things you know we came to Two Rivers the pastor kept saying there's more there's more God has,
you and I was like that's why we're here you know and I just feel like,
there is so much more and I really thought it was going to look a certain way and,
and now just like anything anything is possible God is able to do abundantly above all the way,
and so when I was what I would tell my young self.
Just don't close the doors to what God might do you know let him lead and open the doors.
I don't know don't let fear keep you back.
Because I think that I was afraid of being on my own and and I'm not on my own I have him.
Sarah:
[52:11] Yeah yeah that's good.
Ronda:
[52:11] And he has given me a body of Christ around me,
through my local church but also through other believers all over to support me and.
And I'm there to support them and we are that whole Community you know our own little committee communities like that is the.
Sarah:
[52:32] Yeah.
Ronda:
[52:33] I don't know that's God's the body of Christ it's so beautiful I don't know if I'm answering questions.
Sarah:
[52:37] No you are you did you did perfect that's exactly you did / there's no right or wrong answers Ronda.
Ronda:
[52:43] Can't be.
Sarah:
[52:44] And I love that you said there's more because that's the verse it's
it has become one of my life verses Ephesians 3:20 that says now to him which is God now to him that can do immeasurably exceedingly abundantly whichever version you reading the Bible more than we could ever ask Hope or imagine through his power with
in each of us and.
Ronda:
[53:03] Yeah yeah.
Sarah:
[53:03] It is great there is always more whatever story he's writing there's more to come when we just keep putting our faith hope and trust in him.
Ronda:
[53:11] And when I feel my feel depleted and out he has so much more for me and,
um and I it will never run out like I don't have to think well when I do this that's all I got because it's just going to be more it's just going to be more and more and more and I'm just I mean.
Sarah:
[53:36] Wall is Love Like I said hearing stories because even we talked about really hard things happen and there's hard things in your life and your story that I'm sure you'd be like man if I
if I could rewrite some of this or do it differently maybe you would but we said God just has this crazy way of still using those things and it might not have led you
to your daughter all of those things were steps along the way to get you to where you needed to be even though they were hard and I love how God does that is why we love hearing here in Insurance stories so.
Ronda:
[54:07] You let me share a couple of little nuggets that are I just have to talk about for a second so I felt the call,
to adopt in 2013 February March of 2000 like the first weekend of March like I was when I had that meeting and so I began praying for my daughter I pray or my child I didn't know what it be that time but I praying that God would,
help them to know him and love him and follow after him and come to know him as their Savior and ended up well when I met Kaylee,
we were talking before we even met we were just we would do these call phone calls and Snapchat she taught me how to do Snapchat.
Which I was I know it was but back in the day when it was really funny and it was terrible but anyway she she said that she had trusted Christ as her savior,
in March of 2013.
Sarah:
[55:00] Oh my.
Ronda:
[55:01] So her best friend who passed away and they had a funeral and she was really distraught and concerned and wondering about her fraternal life and and that's when she made that decision and,
and I just think how cool it is that God even though we didn't meet for two more years that.
Sarah:
[55:18] Yeah you were praying in part yeah yeah.
Ronda:
[55:20] I was a part of her that so the other okay there are now three two more things I've started so the next thing I want to say is,
so after the adoption in November was final,
a few weeks later I get this certificate in the mail and it is her birth certificate and at the top it says Kaylee and Fields with the her name that I gave her like the name she came with but I also gave her middle name in my name,
and mother Ronda Sue fields mother's age 34.
Which is when she was born.
Sarah:
[55:58] Wow.
Ronda:
[55:59] And I was like what was I doing when I was.
Oh in May of 2003 I was going through a divorce thinking I would never be a mom,
and here God in his sovereignty was weaving sovereignty he was weaving all this,
into a beautiful story so so when I when I did feel the call there verse that God gave me because I like to have a verse to like.
Hammer it down and write in my Bible the date I was sitting in church and he was preaching about the woman at the well and.
And I was reading on and how the disciple said hey you need a phone he's I have food you don't know of and my food is the Dual will of the father and look the Harvest is white and bla bla and you will reap,
where you did not sow you will reap where you did not labor but you will you will join in the Harvest and I was like that was me because I wasn't going to labor in labor pains,
but I was going to reap and sow in where someone else has labored and so that was my and then then together we reap the Harvest so.
Sarah:
[57:12] I love it.
Ronda:
[57:12] That's a god story.
Sarah:
[57:13] Those are cool I love the law of God nuggets of how he just like I said we use out of his sovereignty all those things together,
Ronda well thank you for sharing that story with us I love it it's I feel like saying story like makes it sound like it's finished or like it's but it's or
oh that's tort no it's such a it's your life and I love it and we're grateful for you to share that part surrounded we've already like the time always goes so fast when we're in on the podcast I can't take so but I,
I got two things I need to know you did,
you did great everybody's gonna they're gonna love it so two things I got to ask you you when you first came over we mentioned something like our heart with the podcast is that people I didn't say it's on the front and hopefully they can feel like they can just come pull up a cup of coffee,
or tea or whatever they drink and you mentioned something to me because Ronda does listen to our podcast and she's heard me coffee comes up quite a bit on our podcast but I feel like maybe you have a,
something you would like to share with us.
Ronda:
[58:06] Well you asked me if I wanted something to drink and I was like I just like water and I'm like I'm sorry I don't like coffee and you'll just feel like it's fine like but that's what you always talk about it the good show.
Sarah:
[58:19] So just to be clear Ronda's still on the show if you don't love,
fee we can all still be friends we want you to be a part of now that's something good you can still be a guest on the show and not like coffee we love we're non-discriminatory here on the coffee beverage drinking do you have I mean what's your normal go to.
Ronda:
[58:37] Really it is water I I used to drink a lot.
Sarah:
[58:40] That healthier choice back.
Ronda:
[58:42] Tried to go dairy free, so
Sarah:
[58:44] Okay well that's... water is good.
Ronda:
[58:45] Got anymore so I'm probably boring and basic but that's what I prefer.
Sarah:
[58:51] That is good okay and then Ronda the last question we asked everybody,
is because the show is called now that something good what something you got something good it can be anything to something good that you want to share with us or always tell people really can be like maybe there's a new product a new book that I don't know whatever there's no.
Ronda:
[59:09] Okay well this is so hard because I every time since we talked about this I'm like oh my gosh what's something good I don't know I don't think.
Sarah:
[59:16] I feel like I'm stressing people.
Ronda:
[59:18] No it's all good there's so many good things like I don't even know but I did come over and show you what I got for Christmas from Kaylee and that is this journaling Bible and I love it and I can color and I've been coloring every night when I read the Bible.
Sarah:
[59:32] It's really cool if there's like these wide lines on the sides and then there's some that have like these little pictures right where you can just.
Ronda:
[59:38] Yes because I'm not an artist and I could not come up with a pretty little design or even font or anything like that I that's not me that's not my artistic area so but I can take a coloring pencil and I can color and and I feel,
artistic.
Sarah:
[59:54] I feel like that's definitely something good and we can link it will link it and if you are artistic listening or whatever you can grab one of these and it's great and something good is always getting in God's word and you shared quite a few verses with us which will make sure to link in the show notes but,
Ronda thank you so much for being here with us.
Ronda:
[1:00:09] Thank you it was good to be here it was good.
Sarah:
[1:00:12] You did you did great.