In this episode you’ll hear part two of our conversation with the Cathcarts. With over 44 years knowing each other and 33 years of marriage, Ron and Debi know a thing or two about relationships! You’ll hear the conclusion of their first married fight from part one, a little insight on a real enemy of marriage, and their answers to some of our listener’s top questions. If you missed part one, go back to Episode 24 and check it out!
No matter what kind of relationships you carry this episode will bring you laughter, conviction, and hope! One of our favorite truths from the Cathcarts is that people will not complete you. It’s through their faith they learned to love God well, themselves, and each other in a healthy way. Now that’s something good, indeed.
Favorite quotes from the episode:
Quotes from Debi:
Quotes from Ron:
Fun things from the episode:
Ron mentioned the Rocky film
They both enjoy coffee and bible time together in the morning
They get away every year near their anniversary
View this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/VwTMe2ektqg
Follow Now That's Something Good: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
In this episode you’ll hear part two of our conversation with the Cathcarts. With over 44 years knowing each other and 33 years of marriage, Ron and Debi know a thing or two about relationships! You’ll hear the conclusion of their first married fight from part one, a little insight on a real enemy of marriage, and their answers to some of our listener’s top questions. If you missed part one, go back to Episode 24 and check it out!
No matter what kind of relationships you carry this episode will bring you laughter, conviction, and hope! One of our favorite truths from the Cathcarts is that people will not complete you. It’s through their faith they learned to love God well, themselves, and each other in a healthy way. Now that’s something good, indeed.
Favorite quotes from the episode:
Quotes from Debi:
Quotes from Ron:
Fun things from the episode:
Ron mentioned the Rocky film
They both enjoy coffee and bible time together in the morning
They get away every year near their anniversary
View this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/VwTMe2ektqg
Follow Now That's Something Good: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
Ron:
[1:50] But I'm also in my selfish brain thinking danger danger right like this isn't just about me playing basketball tonight I'm going to lose some territory here I'll never gain back.
Sarah:
[2:01] You couldn't give in is.
Debi:
[2:05] Seriously what did you say.
Ron:
[2:08] But we're just keeping it real here.
She's our first week of marriage and I am like thinking whoa right and so I and you know me well enough to know and I'm not proud of this and I have matured in 33 years but in that moment I'm like oh no,
I'm not going to lose this battle and so I'm like I'm going to the gym,
and I went out its so she was in her pajamas by the way she was already ready to have dinner snuggle up and watch a movie on.
And I go get in my truck and as I'm sliding into my truck on the other side of my truck is my wife sliding in in her.
Sarah:
[2:44] I love this so much.
Ron:
[2:45] And she says if you're going to the gym I'm coming with you,
and in that moment I'm like the only thing worse than me not going to the gym tonight would be going to the gym with my wife in her pajamas and so I got out of the truck and I came back in and I'm like okay.
I'm we're going to you know snuggle and watch a movie but next Tuesday night I am going to the gym right because I'm like trying and and I say that and of course we've both learned.
You learn so much about each other in the 33 years but to speak to the question that you're asking like we both went into marriage,
and it was two very strong-willed people,
different views about what they thought it was supposed to look like and how it was supposed to be and and we yeah we did some Battle of trying to figure that out in our early days of marriage and it was not always pretty.
Sarah:
[3:38] Well I want about that little more because one of the questions we did get asked was they were saying hey I don't think people talk enough about how selfishness comes out in marriage and you just said it I mean it's two in any relationship you're taking two totally different people with two totally different ways of being brought up,
two totally different ways of setting expectations two totally different sets of personalities and it can be and then you stick them in a house I mean it's like why we all love reality TV show like why big brother or Survivor it's such a great because you're like who's gonna and when you put strong-willed people
because I'm a strong-willed person I get that I was like I'm going to outlast you just Outlast you so like one of us is going to give so how have you guys,
talk a little more how you've really navigated some of those things to go hey,
I know Ron needs to go be alone even though I don't understand that I'm going to let him or you go I know you know I know I need to go do these things or Debi just wants to be with me and that's not wrong either how have you guys worked through.
Debi:
[4:33] In all honesty I think we still have to work through it all the time it's not it's not like we work through that and now.
Sarah:
[4:41] And now we never know that's good then.
Debi:
[4:43] I still struggle at times with okay and honest can I be here.
Sarah:
[4:51] You be as we are.
Debi:
[4:53] I see I mean and we're good I mean so.
Saying this we are good but there are times where you know he loves and I it's not that I don't want him to have those fulfilling great times but,
he's in a lot he can be alone I am a companionship I want and.
And God gave me for boys and I'm so grateful but,
I don't have that girl to have that companionship with when he goes off and does his boy stuff,
is alone stuff so I think it's something we continue to have to work through some times where I have to talk to God about it and,
and he shows me my selfishness or he opens my eyes to the fact that this is something my husband really needs,
and.
[5:57] And sometimes I you know even if sometimes I still think he's wrong I think he shouldn't do that he you know I think maybe and.
And I know he on the other hand is probably thinking I'm being selfish so I just but I we both have to let go of that and say God it doesn't matter who's right or wrong it matters that we display,
your spirit and and the love and just the grace that you have given us and so,
but I guess I just wanted to say it's not something that we're all done with that yes we figured out how to navigate that and now we're good.
Sarah:
[6:42] We never struggle with that anymore.
Debi:
[6:44] Yes we figured out because we haven't I.
Moments where I mean there are I remember last year.
At our anniversary he had he had just gone to baseball.
With his friend which is such a blessing such a you know fun thing that he gets to go to the,
karna Cardinals fantasy camp and then he had you know been on a trip with my brother and I'm like,
when do I get a trip and I remember just saying it's my turn and.
And so anyway and I mean a lot of the things that he had gotten to do were a blessing you know but,
we do he don't we still have to talk through those things and then you know sometimes it's me I just need to say hey you know what I and I am thankful but.
I have to I have to look and think it's not about me so anyway.
Sarah:
[7:47] That's hard to do. Ron do anything to add?
Ron:
[7:52] Well I think so yes first of all just so you know
my wife and I are getting ready to go on a 10-day trip I don't always go running around with my my other guy friends but I do do that I think she said a really key phrase and it's let go,
so anybody coming into marriage right like we all need to mature we all need to change there are things about us that need to change as and hopefully that never stops until you take your last breath,
growing and maturing but I also think that a lot of times you come into marriage thinking that you're going to change the other.
Sarah:
[8:27] Yes.
Ron:
[8:27] Sin and we are all who God made us right and so there are things that we all need to change but then there are some things that you have to let go,
and so there were Hills that we were probably both willing to die on 30 years ago that now we're like,
we're not going to die on that hill right and so and and it's a give and take on both of our parts we are very different creatures my wife is the greatest people person I've ever seen in my life right like I,
I tell people all the time at 2Rivers she's my job security because everybody loves my wife and they do and she is a marvelous people person.
[9:03] Most of the time she gets her energy from like bring me some more people,
and I am exactly the opposite I love people but at some point I'm like I have to pull away to recharge my batteries and that is always been,
kind of a source of contention because she doesn't understand me,
in that area and I don't understand her in that area and I'm never going to and she's never going to and so we've kind of had to just let go of that and figure it out and,
we do a lot better at that now than we used to I am much more of a people person now than I used to be and I realize how important that is to her,
and she realizes that hey every once in awhile I need to put my dog in the back of the truck and go spend 24 or 48 Hours up at the farm that's how I recharge my batteries and so we've gotten a lot better at that but as she said we still,
we work on that all the time and here's here's some else I would say really quickly in this whole thing we're talking about,
any marriage right like you you're always going to have these issues and and what,
Satan loves to do is he likes to take all these differences differences of how we recharge our batteries or oh I'm you know that kind of hurt my feelings a little bit that you did that and didn't do this or differences about raising kids and how
you discipline kids and what they can do and can't do and,
what I've learned over the years is that Satan likes to take those differences between a husband and wife and then escalate them into something that can be awful.
[10:33] And what what we've had to realize and even have said this to each other
at different times usually when we're making up with each other is hey you're not the enemy and I'm not the enemy right like I'm not your enemy and you're not my enemy it feels like we're enemies right now because we've let this thing
get us sideways with each other but we have to come back together and say I love you and you love me and I know you're for me and you know I'm for you,
and you're not the enemy and I'm not the enemy there is an enemy and he's got us all jacked up in this right like but so.
Debi:
[11:08] And I think another thing is I mean from day one.
[11:12] We and I'm sure other people have said this but I mean divorce was not.
Thing that we,
I would even entertain and I've never entertained it in 33 years of marriage even on those days where I thought how am I going to endure this for the rest of my life.
And I'm sure he's thought the same thing but it,
Force has never entered my mind so and I love Jesus and I want to live to please him and I know that's my husband's heart to so in those times,
when you are miserable what you do is you run to God and say help me help me and then he takes me to you know,
1st Corinthians chapter 13 where it says love is patient love is kind love does not seek its own way it does not keep records of wrong and I read that chapter and I'm like
okay God is not calling me to a feeling he is calling me to an action and and,
that is reality he has called us to love,
like Christ has loved us and so that's a big deal I think I could just say that and then he showed me and sometimes it's still hard because.
[12:41] In my mind the perfect marriage for me is me and my and and some people are going to say oh my goodness you would,
not be a fun person to be married to and that's okay,
probably not but but in my mind the greatest marriage ever was we would get married we would do everything together,
we would go to work in the morning the we get home in the afternoon and we go hang out and do this and then we that we would just be together and we would do things and serve other people but,
everything would be together I just thought that's in my mind that was the beautiful picture of and,
that's Ron needs his alone time and he needs a space But as,
the years have gone on I've seen how beautiful that is because it's freed me up to so many other relationships that I needed to invest in and be in and also.
I've appreciated I mean he couldn't do what he does he couldn't speak and and to me he's the greatest speaker preacher ever,
I just I mean I think he's and he's an amazing man of God let me just say that there I mean,
he is the greatest man I know he truly is in all ways and he couldn't be that man if I was.
[14:07] Possessing every moment of his time so so I think God knows what we need and he knows,
he knows a plan that we don't see and so we just walk in that plan and.
It's beautiful so anyway.
Sarah:
[14:27] That's good well most which has gears love it because the time always goes way faster here than we realize when we're going but I want to talk for something you,
you guys have a lot of you got four kids really close together I'm going to actually jump though to now your kids are adults,
so you kind of went through all those middle years of havin kids raising kids and that could be a whole podcast episode of just how to kiss stay married and have kids,
four boys very closely together but what is marriage in life looking like now that you have adult kids you're getting to be grandparents which I know,
is super fun but just like how what was the change like from having kids in the house to now like you're kind of back to just the two of you is it going good.
Ron:
[15:16] You can answer.
Debi:
[15:17] You can.
Ron:
[15:21] When I'm kind of interested to see what you're going to say.
Debi:
[15:25] Well I absolutely I mean I love it but I mean our lives are so full that I really.
Sarah:
[15:30] Yeah yeah you probably don't feel like you're missing like.
Debi:
[15:34] Don't.
I don't feel like I mean initially as they leave you know it's like this sadness but.
Sarah:
[15:47] I come back to the other side of getting to have grandkids and people.
Debi:
[15:49] It yes.
Ron:
[15:52] I think what she's saying is we really don't miss our kids that bad no.
Debi:
[15:54] No wait I absolutely love our kids.
Ron:
[15:58] We love our kids but I so and,
and I think this is for where we're at and we've cuz so like we are right like our kids are all grown we've got grandkids now and so we talked about this there's a couple things that we talked about for what does what does the,
look like for us so one of them is we want to serve our faces off.
Debi:
[16:21] We do yeah we.
Ron:
[16:23] We're at a great place we don't have the responsibility of raising kids anymore.
Sarah:
[16:26] Yeah yeah.
Ron:
[16:29] And so we are at a great place where our schedules are more flexible but our calendars are full all the time,
they are and I don't I don't say that begrudgingly I'm like,
there's so much to do and there are so many people to love on and so like that's one of our things that we've talked about is what does this look like for us,
hey we want to serve people and we want to serve people well we want to serve our kids well she does she keeps our grandkids and that's a blessing but it's work do right,
grandkids and and so there's two days a week where she's keeping grandkids which is awesome for us because we love them and they're spectacular but we were keeping filled up,
time and energy and so we're using this next chapter to like say hey we can serve and we can end a lot of that we can do together,
and so we serve and then the other thing that we've really talked about is we.
[17:25] See sometimes when people get older like I don't know if they were all busy raising kids and stuff and then the kids go away and then it's like they don't really know each other or don't even like each other that much and so we've talked about like,
we want the we,
and well here and we want it to be sweet all the way to the end and again I hope the end is like you know I'm only 60 so it's not like I'm going to die next week I could but like we still probably have a lot of time left here but we want it to be sweet,
like we don't want to be going at each other we don't want to drift away from each other we want this to be the best like this is kind of the though the whipped cream on top.
If you would write like we've spent all these years in raising these kids and now we're at this really beautiful spot
we've got grandkids and we're loving our kids and our grandkids were in a great church we're loving people,
and just trying to make sure we love each other well serve Each Other Well serve other people well and it's actually I mean I love where we're at in our marriage right now I think
it's good and but what again even that like we talk about hey we always want to be sweet to each other and treat each other well and and we work on that.
Sarah:
[18:42] That's good so I've got a couple listener questions to ask you guys okay so here's the first one and we've talked about relationships and we're kind of having a marriage theme but we also,
all of this advice is just great for somebody who's waiting or,
single or regardless of relationship status but we had somebody ask in just what what advice would you give to somebody who is currently single whether they're younger single like there
High School College age or just for you know whatever life choice right now they're not they're not in a relationship what advice would you give to somebody just waiting and in that season.
Debi, you gotta?
Debi:
[19:17] I just I mean I say.
Just learn to walk with Jesus and be satisfied with him and.
I think that's the greatest thing you can do is learn how to gain that satisfaction in your relationship with Christ and then.
And and seek you know seek good relationships and and watch on and befriend people that that have those relationships so.
Ron:
[19:54] Yeah well so there's this Old Rocky movie Rocky Balboa right Sylvester Stallone he looks at his gal Adrian and he says you complete me you know,
what I would say is to any single young lady especially guys too but young ladies who are maybe out there single and thinking oh I need a man there's no man out there that will complete you and in fact,
a lot of times because us guys are selfish and it takes a while for us to figure things out and figure out how to be a servant and it takes our brains longer to develop and all those things you may be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire right
you may think that dudes going to complete you and then you'll get him and then find out oh no.
Sarah:
[20:38] Yeah yeah.
Ron:
[20:38] Really stepped in it and so I think what Debi said right like you have to figure out how to be.
Sarah:
[20:45] Cheers.
Ron:
[20:46] By yourself and not be looking for another human being to do that and if you will do that then when God does send the right human being along,
you will be much better prepared for it but if you're just sitting back thinking oh man my life won't be complete and I won't be happy until I get a husband or a wife I just think that's a I think that's a flawed mindset,
I would say do everything you can to walk with the Lord so that,
if and when the Lord brings somebody along you are the best version of you that you can be for that person.
Sarah:
[21:19] I like that a lot okay here is another one how do you keep the fire going after so many years together.
I think that's a great question because that is a big how do you keep that spark how do you guys still want to spend time with each other.
Debi:
[21:37] My husband is the best at that I really are.
Sarah:
[21:42] The fire going literally and figuratively he's below the fires.
Debi:
[21:46] Actually you're right I what I see it my mind wasn't even there he's a great.
Sarah:
[21:50] No that's it.
Debi:
[21:51] And we have a fire just about every evening.
Sarah:
[21:54] How do you help build other fires Ron but give the G version of this.
Debi:
[21:57] He is the best at that I mean he he he makes me laugh.
Probably he sickens some people at 2Rivers because he's all but he's that way at home to I mean every morning when we wake up he's like oh look at you.
Where did you come from can't believe I get to wake up next to you and I mean.
Ron:
[22:29] I still feel that way after.
Sarah:
[22:29] I love it that's good I love.
Debi:
[22:32] Makes me laugh,
and he constantly pumps me up about myself even though I'm like you are a dork but anyway he's precious at because of course,
what woman doesn't want to hear those things about themselves so anyway but he is he is great at that so.
Sarah:
[22:56] Good Ron.
Ron:
[22:58] Well so this is this is probably going to sound corny or like a canned answer but I think I think this is the truth I'm going to say this I don't know if she'll agree with me but I really do think at 33 years we are more in love,
we've ever been and that and I'm.
Debi:
[23:16] That's true.
Ron:
[23:17] With all humility like thank you God that that's true but we know each other.
Better than we've ever known each other we're more comfortable in our own skin,
ever been we've climb some mountains and fought some battles together along the way and you can't do that without getting closer together and so I just I mean,
I don't have to light any artificial fires I guess is what I'm saying I mean we but and because I really I'm head over heels in love with my wife to this very day and so,
I would say this I think one of the important things is that you you don't stop serving each other,
and again like I when I was 33 years ago the only person I was serving was me I was like that's my girl,
but it was all selfish on my part right like I'm I want to win the prize she's the prize and there was I was not standing there on my wedding day saying I want to serve you the rest of my life,
and now I can tell you 33 years later I want to serve my wife the rest of my life and and I'm again I hope that doesn't sound like some Sunday school answer.
Debi:
[24:26] And he do he does he and I want to serve him to and he does a very beautiful job of serving me but I would just say I mean,
it's not just the words that he says like when I was saying you know wake up but I'm through the years I've watched him love our kids love,
you know and one of the most beautiful things as you get older and there's other you know he has loved my dad through,
his condition with Parkinson's so well and and,
that's beautiful that that lights a fire in you when you watch on and you watch your husband serve and love people it lights the fire win,
he prays with me and when we share that connection and so it's not just those you know those,
words and the lighting the fire physically but it's just it's.
Actions that speak so loudly that keep the fire lit.
Sarah:
[25:38] Yeah that's good.
Debi:
[25:39] And loving other you know loving the people you love well and when he loves the people I love and he loves them too but you know when he does that.
It's it means everything so.
Sarah:
[25:53] That makes a lot of sense you said something Debi I want to make sure we touch on kind of as our last thing to talk about here just,
in your relationship you guys both are believers you've given your whole lives to just serving God you have tried over 33 years to kind of make Jesus the center of that can you just talk a little bit about how you guys practically,
kind of do that what you guys do together or individually just to kind of make sure that you're encouraging each other in your faith and relationship with the Lord but you guys are kind of keeping that together also Central to your marriage.
Ron:
[26:26] Give me to talk about that.
Debi:
[26:28] You can start and then I'll interrupt you no I'm just kidding.
Sarah:
[26:32] Perfect love.
Ron:
[26:33] Well so I'm not a big formula guy,
and so I would say that a part of the answer to your question is and you know my
saying it 2Rivers Jesus is the lead story Jesus really is the lead story of both of our lives our home our marriage and that's not just a slogan but it's true so like
Debi loves Jesus I tell people all the time she's one of God's favorites I just get in on the Overflow of that but it is really true,
and and I love Jesus and so like,
it's not something that's mechanical I mean it's just there it's who we are it's what our home is built on some of the things that we do though is we pray together pretty much every night.
Debi:
[27:20] And this is a change like you were asking since kids are grown that has been so beautiful and fun is we
get up in the morning and have coffee and read the word together you know so and and those those were things that we really couldn't do,
when the kids were younger and and its life changes and so some of that.
Sarah:
[27:44] But you guys pray together every night I mean.
Ron:
[27:46] Yeah so so every night and I mean you know there may be a night where we get in bed and we're talking or,
we actually for a long time did not have a tea for long long time didn't have a TV in our bedroom we actually do now so everyone's because you just like barricade yourself in.
Sarah:
[28:03] Yes yes.
Ron:
[28:04] So every once in a while we won't if we're watching something in one of us falls asleep but pretty much every night we pray together that's just real important and and again I would say.
I didn't do that when we were younger and that was stupid on my part because that's number one,
strengthen your marriage number two that's a part of my wife's love language right like when I pray with her she feels very loved,
and and that's that's what I should be doing and it took me a long long time to figure that out I didn't do that for a long time with consistency and,
um so yes I try to make sure that I pray with my wife and,
for her pray for our family and and you know that's a sweet thing every night when we're literally naming every one of our kids and grandkids by name praying over them praying God's best for them that they'll have a heart for God,
and you know even last night I prayed and it just came I don't it's not something I've been saying but like last night,
I pray not only for.
Debi:
[29:07] Generations to come yeah yes we did.
Ron:
[29:11] Generations to come... and I was like.
Debi:
[29:12] And I was thinking a thousand Generations God you know that song it just but yeah.
Ron:
[29:17] So it was I mean really I was thinking about that last night about wow what a blessing to think about we're not going to be here forever but that our family could still be,
so we do pray together I now is she said every night before we go to bed,
the coffee on the timer it goes off at six o'clock every morning we're getting old so we can't sleep late even if.
So I you know I usually get out of bed somewhere 6:30 6:45 7:00 o'clock I go down get some coffee,
bring it up and we do we get to sit there and kind of ease into our day and read the word and,
you know I write those devotions and so I'll sometimes reader my devotion or she'll tell me about a scripture she's looking at so yeah it's,
that's really a big part of our relationship in very.
Sgf-Plug:
[30:07] Hey friends just interrupting this conversation we want you to join us for Something Good Friday let's start the weekend Strong by filling everyone's feed with all kinds of good things,
to join us just create a story or a post on your social Pages sharing something good it can be anything,
just make sure to tag now that's something good so we can see it and we can share too and you never know when we will pick one of you to send a little something good,
so make sure to join us for something good Friday's on Instagram and Facebook now back to our conversation.
Sarah:
[30:44] So Ron for just a second I'm going to ask both of you this but I want you to talk to the ladies listening who are maybe married and either
younger and they're still dealing with a husband who is maybe all in it for themselves or their in the kids stage of life where it is just your wrangling kids all day and it's exhausting,
or people that are in the same lysis what would you say to the women listening to just encourage them how they can nicely and respectfully encourage their husbands to lead the way,
and some of the spiritual are praying for each other or what would you say to them.
Ron:
[31:19] Yeah well first of all you said to keywords and that's nicely and respectfully so there's no.
Sarah:
[31:24] I did that on purpose.
Ron:
[31:25] Planet that wants his wife to badger him about something right like there's no like no dude is going to be badgered into being the spiritual head of his house so nicely,
respectfully I would say patiently right like one of the things we said is divorce was never in our,
our conversations I used to always tell Debi if you leave me I'm coming with you right so and and I would just say ladies,
be patient and again your husband ultimately doesn't complete you it's the Lord and so leaning to him and trust him and talk to him about your husband,
and then figure out how to kindly graciously,
have those conversations with your husband I mean Debi did that with me like I said I didn't pray with her for the longest time and she would every once in awhile say I really wish you would pray with me at night and then I would do it for a week and then I would stop doing it,
she would come back again and say it really means a lot when you pray with me and you know finally it's like hey knucklehead right like you know number one you're supposed to be doing that biblically and number two she's begging you to do it because,
that's speaking her love language when I sit down with her and pray and have those kind of conversations and so,
but I would say to the ladies right.
[32:42] I don't I don't want to be too hard on the guys but I just want to be honest right like I,
most guys I don't know if most guys are like me or not let me just speak to me and I think there's a lot of dudes like me I've always said this is true all right like I went into our marriage.
[33:00] If you feed me and we'll keep this PG and end up in the same bed with me every night I'm good and I don't even have to eat right like that was mine,
right like we can skip the meal right and and I mean.
When in most dudes are not much more complex than that and and so like I who I am today and who I was 33 years ago when she married me I am,
by God's grace a completely different man and my motives and what I want and all that are completely different.
[33:31] It's like we're 33 years into this and I'm still learning right how to be the man that God has called me to be for my wife and so I would just say ladies hang on,
pray to Jesus a lot for your husband and then strategically at the right time with the right tone of voice tell him what you need and what you would like to see and what let me say one other thing,
so there's this we use this phrase right about being the head of the home well that's a pretty intimidating phrase honestly like I'm married to Debi so I'm a pastor but even like,
Debi to this very day is way more spiritually mature than I ever thought about being right and so,
think that I'm going to really lead her like you know some means being the head of the home doesn't necessarily mean that you have to know more than your wife.
Just means you got to step in to who Jesus is called you to be like it would mean the world to most wives.
[34:26] If their husband would just grab their hand at night and say hey let me pray over you and our family as we go to bed tonight and even if it's a rough around the edges prayer not all the right phrases may be no scripture verses in it,
that would mean the world to your wife even if she's more spiritually mature than you she's been doing it longer just grab your wife's hand and look her in the eye and say I really love you and I want to pray for us in our home right now like I'm just telling dudes like,
that would go a long long way with your wife and and then maybe you know then some of the things that you think are important would come along with that too not that that's anyway I don't.
Sarah:
[35:02] It is a good but there is something on both those sides when both people's love tanks are getting filled it is a mutually beneficial,
thing. Debi I want you to just speak for a second so somebody listening who's like you know what Ron, Debi this is great! You both love Jesus you're in the same spot and even though Ron it took you a little bit but I am not married to somebody who loves the Lord or has the same faith,
belief system that I do what would you just say to encourage either spouse male or female just in that or even their spouse maybe as a Believer but not,
actively really building relationship with Jesus what would you say to encourage them in that season right now.
Debi:
[35:39] First of all I want to say that I understand that that would be hard and that anybody listening on could,
say well it's easy because Ron loves Jesus and so and so,
I understand how hard that would be,
but we've talked how you know 33 years it's not always been that easy and there have been some stages that have not been pretty and I would just say.
[36:12] We
Our love is not based on somebody else it's based on Jesus Christ and and so if I'm speaking to Christian women.
We Love Like Jesus and and we the best thing you can do to change your husband,
is to love him like Jesus loves us and sacrifice and
pour into him and encourage him and do not talk badly about him
to anyone I mean that is just that will never
what a Philippians 4:8 says think upon things that are pure and holy and good and true and if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think on these things
and I think women do themselves so much harm when they dwell on the negative and and,
I've been there so I'm not preaching at anybody I preach that I have that verse up on my wall and and you know what,
it's so easy to pick out false.
[37:27] Whether we're talking about marriage or friendships or church or you know across the board it's so easy to pick out false
but if we take just a little time it's it's easy to find
good too and I just would say ladies look for the good in your husband's and don't
dwell on the negative we all have negative and so if we look for the good we're going to find good,
if we're looking for the negative we're going to find that so I would just say love your husband like Jesus loves us full of grace and mercy and and look for good things think about those things.
Sarah:
[38:10] I love it so I've got one more question before we have to end our time together,
do you have any I don't want to cut anybody out having a last things that you just want to share about marriage relationships anything else that we didn't touch on that you're like I want to I want to make sure to say this it's okay if you don't just want to.
Debi:
[38:31] I'm not good on the spot.
Ron:
[38:33] Well so I would say two things one and I'll probably forget the second but by the time I say the first because.
Sarah:
[38:41] He did say he was six.
Ron:
[38:42] I did yeah well.
The first thing I already said but I want to say it again is I think.
Us realizing that we're not the enemy I'm not hearing any she's not my enemy because I think Satan is so good at that right it gets you twisted up and and you know you go to your separate corners and you're mad at each other and your.
Debi:
[39:07] One and he just says he's a liar he lies he whispers.
Ron:
[39:13] He says he does and and marriage is hard and then you throw kids in and it's even harder right and it can,
it can grind you down and then and Satan catches You When You're vulnerable and then he makes you start thinking I can't believe he did that and she did that and so I think that's just been a really key phrase for me,
is to know that,
I may get mad at her sometimes but she's not the enemy right and she may get mad at me but I am not her enemy and to and to start there and to remind myself that and say okay what do we need to do to work through this because I know,
bread in her heart of hearts she loves me and I love her and we're determined to make this work so,
Satan's got us all messed up and by the way sometimes it like if we have a fight it takes me a couple days to get there because my introvert personality when we have a fight I just shut down,
like she wants to sit down and talk it out and I want to walk out the door and say I don't want to talk to you now and sometimes I think I don't want to talk to you for a long long time and then I come to my senses right and I realize that's so stupid and we need you so anyway just.
There we have an enemy he's Satan I'm not the enemy she's not the enemy and then the other thing I think that goes right along with that is just man you just got to hang in there I mean honestly like good marriages don't happen by accident they're just a lot of hard work.
Debi:
[40:32] Amen.
Ron:
[40:33] People that just say I'm committed to this,
and I am not going anywhere and I don't care how hard it gets and how ugly it gets and how messy it gets I'm not going anywhere I'm committed to making this work and then understand,
that ultimately it's the God who gives us the strength to do that and just lean in.
Debi:
[40:54] And I want to go back because you did ask I did say you know,
advice to ladies that maybe are dealing with somebody that's very difficult or not a Christian and I said don't talk bad to anybody and and as I'm thinking I.
There,
sometimes you do need to talk and process through things and so what I would say is when you do it do do it respectfully with some wise somebody that you know seeks God,
it's going to speak truth to you
and not just take your side but is going to speak truth to you so sometimes you do need to seek counsel so I guess I wanted to go back to what I said there are moments in,
marriage that's difficult that you might need to process so I'm I hope.
Sarah:
[41:51] Yeah there's a difference between speaking bad about something and just having to share the details to get the wisdom that.
Debi:
[41:58] Yes.
Sarah:
[41:59] Somebody help speaking,
I do how do I handle this soap and sometimes you do need somebody to just to vent to and went to safe person they know you can still love your husband or your wife and just I need to just tell you though they're on my last nerve today I'm glad have to tell you why.
Debi:
[42:15] I I when I said that I'm talking about don't feel the need to share with a multitude of people all your husband's fault.
Sarah:
[42:22] My husband blood at you.
Debi:
[42:24] So
Sarah:
[42:25] That's good okay guys so the show is called now that's something good so the very last question I have to ask you guys is tell me something good what is just something there's no I don't like to tell people come on box anybody into what is it can be anything,
product a movie I think anything.
Ron:
[42:42] Well I'll tell you something good it's not a product or a movie but it's just something good in my life I'm a papa I'm a,
and so like I just it's the greatest thing ever and it's a it is a reward. The Bible even says right like it's a crown - if you get gray hair it's a crown like if you last for 33
years and have kids and then you get grandkids it's a reward,
the other day Riley was over at my house and she stood in the living room and talk to me for like 35 minutes and Debi was downstairs and she was just telling me about going to the hockey rink and they have chocolate donuts and pretzels and pizza,
he's in seeing somebody out there breaking their stick and literally,
talk to me for 35 minutes and I was thinking she said more words to me in the last 35 minutes then my boys have all said.
Debi:
[43:30] Hun how come you don't like it when I talk to you for 35 minutes.
Ron:
[43:33] When you talk to me for 35.
Then Debi comes up the stairs and she tried to ask me a question and Riley stuck her finger up in the air and kind of shook it out and she's like no I talk to Papa you can't talk.
Sarah:
[43:47] She's a little possessive.
Debi:
[43:48] To go back downstairs you go downstairs.
Sarah:
[43:52] So now you're competing with your granddaughter.
Debi:
[43:54] Yeah it was funny I.
Ron:
[43:57] It in my life is I'm just loving being a.
Sarah:
[43:59] I love that yeah.
Ron:
[44:00] And my grandkids are just such a precious gift I love them all so very much.
Sarah:
[44:04] That's good Debi what about you what something good.
Debi:
[44:06] That is something good for me too and the next thing that's good for me right now is that I'm going to leave.
Sarah:
[44:14] Yeah yes.
Debi:
[44:16] Sunday afternoon and spend 10 days with my husband.
Sarah:
[44:21] That is something good.
Debi:
[44:22] And it's going to be warm and we're going to be on the beach so that's something good.
Sarah:
[44:26] Love it that is something good I.
Ron:
[44:29] About that I know you got to shut this down but that's something that we do and I'm not.
Sarah:
[44:34] Yeah no no no tell yeah.
Ron:
[44:35] So our anniversaries February the six so we're a little behind this year but like every year we try to go away and so we do have now we can go away for a week to Florida we.
Sarah:
[44:47] Yeah yeah.
Ron:
[44:47] Do that but even if it was like.
Debi:
[44:49] It was even a night.
Ron:
[44:51] They're just like I've I have always really tried to celebrate our anniversary and do something like that and just we kind of.
Debi:
[44:59] When the kids were little it might have just been you know going 30 minutes away and staying in a hotel for the night and just getting some peace of mind for but but he's always done that and that's been great.
Ron:
[45:13] We always try to just celebrate our anniversary and just like hey we made it another year.
Sarah:
[45:17] Yeah we made it another I think that's good time alone is always good well Ron, Debi thank you so much for coming and sharing part of your story today it's been been amazing.
Ron:
[45:25] Thank you Sarah thanks for having us.