Both Brandon and Phoenix have a deep passion for laughing, experiencing adventure, and loving others well. They are practically newlyweds, having just celebrated their one year anniversary a few months before this recording. But don’t let the age of their marriage fool you - the Johnson’s are wise beyond their years and that wisdom shines through this episode.
In episode one of this two-episode recording, the Johnson’s tell of their dating experiences. Central to their healthy relationship was finding their own identity and focusing on genuinely getting to know each other. Although over 1800 miles separated them, Brandon & Phoenix got intentional and creative to ensure they knew each other well before deciding to marry.
Favorite quotes from the episode:
From Phoenix:
From Brandon:
Fun things from the episode:
Brandon was onNow That’s Something Good back in Episode 3. Listen here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1175135/5056091
View this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YxUYgCDSIyE
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
Both Brandon and Phoenix have a deep passion for laughing, experiencing adventure, and loving others well. They are practically newlyweds, having just celebrated their one year anniversary a few months before this recording. But don’t let the age of their marriage fool you - the Johnson’s are wise beyond their years and that wisdom shines through this episode.
In episode one of this two-episode recording, the Johnson’s tell of their dating experiences. Central to their healthy relationship was finding their own identity and focusing on genuinely getting to know each other. Although over 1800 miles separated them, Brandon & Phoenix got intentional and creative to ensure they knew each other well before deciding to marry.
Favorite quotes from the episode:
From Phoenix:
From Brandon:
Fun things from the episode:
Brandon was onNow That’s Something Good back in Episode 3. Listen here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1175135/5056091
View this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YxUYgCDSIyE
Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com
Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
Show notes may contain affiliate links. This is at no extra cost to you but does help support telling more stories that bring more good. Now that is something good! Thank you for your kind support.
Sarah:
[1:16] Hey friends welcome back to the podcast today I am here with Brandon and Phoenix Johnson guys want to say hello.
Brandon:
[1:22] What's up everyone.
Sarah:
[1:24] Hey so this is a first in podcast now that something good podcast history Brandon you're actually our first second time guest.
Brandon:
[1:34] I am so honored by that.
Sarah:
[1:35] I guess you did well enough the first time that we decided to bring you back.
Brandon:
[1:38] Jeez thanks for having me I'm excited to be here wow that that puts me on a whole new level I mean nobody's up there with me.
Sarah:
[1:45] Nobody that there with you know.
Phoenix:
[1:46] I feel honored to be married to you right now.
Sarah:
[1:48] Yeah Phoenix how does it feel to get me married.
Phoenix:
[1:50] I have your autograph very blessed woman.
Brandon:
[1:51] You are a very blessed woman so and I'm very blessed.
Sarah:
[1:54] I love it at Phoenix and Brandon are a lot of fun we have the privilege I work on staff with Brandon Phoenix is well-versed in the good family I feel like I shouldn't say like all that you've done but she is worked very closely with the smallest good children,
all of The Good Children she's in a need for us in the fact that she's still our friend after watching our four kids and spending a lot of time in our house just shows the kind of person she is but Phoenix I'mma start with you I just introduce who you are a little bit.
Tell us how long you been married and tell us what fills your days.
Phoenix:
[2:23] Yeah I'm Phoenix I moved here about a year and a half from California to marry Brandon so he always makes the joke that,
that's how he knows that I loved him because I moved but yeah I am involved in youth ministry with Brandon and we do that together so that involves a lot of my time but then also a substitute teacher get to,
get to know more Youth and focus on middle and high school for that so I get to Nanny your wonderful kids in the Summers and,
yeah then we have a daughter that's a dog maybe a future future kids that are hairy so.
Sarah:
[3:00] Is that are here right now Aspen you guys say she's your daughter at least Brandon does.
Brandon:
[3:04] Absolutely she's a golden retriever.
Sarah:
[3:06] And you've had what would you call if she's your daughter I guess you've had grandchildren already Grand puppies.
Brandon:
[3:13] As we had 10 grand puppies.
Sarah:
[3:16] I love it that's quite the story and of itself maybe we'll get there Brandon tell us a little more about you reintroduce yourself to the folks that they haven't listened.
Brandon:
[3:24] Awesome so yeah back in October of 2017 I moved to St Louis to be the youth pastor at Two Rivers Church
and Sarah you were part-time worship leader and now you worked your all the way up to be everybody's boss including me and I can vouch for Sarah
if you're listening audience she's an amazing boss an amazing person so I'm not just sucking up to you I really.
Sarah:
[3:48] Thank you I didn't pay him to say that let's go.
Brandon:
[3:50] See ya still a still the youth pastor at two rivers and I was a single,
dude being a youth pastor which I made you I know that made you nervous at first like who's this single guy going to be my daughter's youth pastor and now I'm married and Phoenix brings a whole lot to the table when it comes to,
youth ministry so.
Sarah:
[4:10] That's awesome well I'm really excited we've been talking all about relationships for the last few weeks on the podcast
love all really marriage relationships but there's so much that you can learn no matter what your relationship status might be right now in life and so Brandon thinks we're going to jump in we're going to go
all over the place with you guys but I want to start with your guys's relationship just tell us like how you met because you got quite the story a little bit here so.
Phoenix I'm going to have you why don't you start from your side of the story how did you meet Brandon start walking us through how Brandon Phoenix became Brandon Phoenix.
Phoenix:
[4:42] Yes it is a true love story there should be a movie about it but so I know Brandon he actually dated one of my friends and that's the fun part of the story.
But there's very much God in the whole process and so from our side we when he started dating my friend I was that friend that
interviewed him to make sure he was good enough and,
not many guys passed my test but he did pass it and to the point where he even liked her more because he's like oh these are the friends you surround yourself with so he thought I was legit so he set me up with one of his best friends
it's really romantic and then.
We ended up doing a camping trip in Zion National Park and we all met up and including him,
Felicia my friend Army and then his friend as well so I
I was it was very interesting but I really quickly learned as great as his friend was that he wasn't for me and but I remember on that trip and God brought This to Memory later that.
[5:43] I had the thought I want to marry a guy like Brandon someday it gave me hope because at that point it was hard to see a guy that was fully after God,
and also liked Adventure also was intentional humble all those things and so I saw that Brandon was like that and so I was very much like God this gives me hope that you can do something like this for me too.
So fast forward a year and a half after they broke up he started sliding into my DMs all you young people out there know what that.
That's a direct message for you older folk and so he showed some interest and I just was never.
Considered an option because I would never do that to a friend and so I told them to.
I actually told him to never talk to me again and told him all the reasons we wouldn't work out.
Sarah:
[6:29] Wait you told him not to talk to you again third DMS wow.
Phoenix:
[6:33] Because I didn't I wanted to honor my friend.
Brandon:
[6:35] No she's like you're trying to fill a void in your heart don't ever talk to me again you need to keep God number one I'm like I've been single for a year and a half.
Number one in my life the Bible just says find you know he who finds a wife finds a good thing I just.
Sarah:
[6:52] You were totally looking for a wife as well.
Brandon:
[6:54] Phoenix yeah I thought Phoenix was awesome and so I was just checking in our to make sure she was still serving the lord and.
Sarah:
[7:02] So I got to ask you but I mean still like when you are sliding into Phoenix is diems was it purely like a friend thing or were you really like what was going on here.
Brandon:
[7:10] No I was always not always interested in or not when I not when I was dating her friend.
Sarah:
[7:15] Okay hopefully hopefully not.
Brandon:
[7:17] I knew from the beginning Phoenix was legit just because he when she was interviewing me when I was dating her friend I was like man she's asking some good questions and I knew like she had a,
a strong relationship with the Lord so I immediately tried to set her up with my friend Andrew,
so I wasn't thinking about Phoenix in that way but then you know you fast forward a year and a half and I had been single and Phoenix was single and we followed each other on Facebook and Instagram and so yeah I definitely had interest it wasn't just.
I want to be friends with a girl that lives in California because I don't have any friends.
Sarah:
[7:51] You for being honest Brandon I mean let's be a most guys are probably not looking to just be friends when they're sliding into your DM so.
Phoenix:
[7:57] I had the sway ask those questions and told him to ever talk to me again so at that point he we stopped talking he's still kind of like to all my things on Facebook but then and I kept I kept a view.
Brandon:
[8:10] No I wasn't I wasn't I have to tell this part of the story I wasn't stuck I asked her like if we could FaceTime date and then she shut me down and then I'll what yeah.
Phoenix:
[8:20] Second time second time you're sliding into my DMs.
Brandon:
[8:22] The second time and then I waited a little bit I still wasn't going to give up but I waited a little bit not to try to be manipulative but I just wasn't.
Messages are sliding into her DMS as much and then all of a sudden out of nowhere I get this text and it's Phoenix and she's asking me how to make these foil pack like meals for camp.
I'm like okay she's got at least a little bit of Interest real she she.
Phoenix:
[8:48] I guess I could have Googled it.
Sarah:
[8:49] So Phoenix were you.
Brandon:
[8:50] I was at the grocery store and I got the text and when I saw it and I just smiled and I was like I know she just reaching out because I haven't messaged her a while.
Sarah:
[8:58] There's your in right is that true Phoenix where you reap did you really need to know how to make the foil packets or were.
Phoenix:
[9:04] Do I have to answer no.
You know I uh I knew I wanted to make them I remember he's the one that taught me how and so there was that moment in the grocery store where I had the text and I was like kept looking at my phone I'm like should I do this I was literally like pacing and I'm like.
It's not bad I mean I'm not interested or anything so it's like I don't know I don't know and then I ended up sending it so he figured it out.
Sarah:
[9:26] Okay so you got the text what happened what happened next.
Phoenix:
[9:29] So yeah so a second time it was like a year and a half after that time that he.
Sarah:
[9:34] A year and a half between the grocery store foil packet.
Phoenix:
[9:37] Well I don't know about the grocery store but at least when he started sliding into my Dems DMS the first time the second time he was doing that and I just
I have learned in my dating career I guess if you would
say that I just was over games at that point I didn't want to just guess what a guy was thinking I was like guys I got a Clarity so I just wanted some clarity and why he was messaging me so I asked straight up ask them why are you messaging me is it because you're interested or are you just,
lonely so
he said interested in like okay then you're either ready to pursue me or just leave me on and so that was the most straightforward I had ever been and so he was just so persistent
and so I still in my mind I was like absolutely not I still my friend was married at this point but I still felt like it would betray her trust to have dated,
him and so come to find out he told me that.
[10:29] She had actually reached out to him randomly about a hike and had put it out there that we'd be perfect for each other and so at that point when he told me that that's when I was like changed everything for me and so we just decided to both,
pray and fast to see if this was what you know God had and I was very much committed to what I was doing in California and so I just knew if I was going to do long distance if that was going to even be an option I had to know that God was covering it,
we'll give me peace about it and he very much when I prayed,
like felt so much peace I feel like God brought to mine his character that I had already seen and then also brought to mind character that I hadn't seen yet and so,
very much felt peace I asked a lot of people also in my world mentors friends like their advice and to be prayerful with me and it led to us,
FaceTime dating one time and then from there.
Sarah:
[11:21] I'm dating I love this I love the virtual so you're in California Phoenix and Brandon you're here so catch us up a little bit on when you're having these conversations what are you thinking what were you think about this whole long-distance thing.
Brandon:
[11:32] Yeah so I wouldn't recommend striking up a long distance relationship with just anyone I think it helped me.
See it as an option since I knew her character we kind of hung out with in groups of people and and so I knew Phoenix,
already so that helped me I wasn't excited about long distance but I thought that highly of Phoenix like if this works out she's definitely worth worth it and and and so,
I free your original question.
Sarah:
[12:02] I said tell me the long-distance like we're you did you.
Brandon:
[12:05] Yeah so so yeah we both prayed about it obviously Phoenix prayed I would say prayed a lot more than me as far as
on my end of course I wanted to date the right type of girl and I knew Phoenix was the type of girl I wanted a date and so I was praying that God would guide my steps and I felt like he had given me this desire and so I wasn't going to
prey hours upon hours if I should FaceTime date I kind of just thought that the Lord would guide me as I went you know and so my first step was to,
get her to do a FaceTime date and then there would be Clarity after that on if we wanted to do another FaceTime date or or whatnot in so,
we did the FaceTime date.
Sarah:
[12:47] I just got to say I love that their FaceTime dates because like when will and I were dating FaceTime wasn't even a,
and so I feel like for some people listening they're like what and then others of you were like oh yeah that's like a totally normal thing this happens all the time okay keep going.
Brandon:
[12:59] So we did the FaceTime date and it went really well and I forget I think we probably talked on the phone
again and then set up another FaceTime date and after a few phone dates and FaceTime date some like okay I really like this girl but I need to see her in person not see her but hang out in person and to see how it is in person so
I actually.
During the workday I'm sorry during work hours I actually got on southwest.com and I got our I've never seen this cheap of ticket from st. Louis to LA but I literally got a round trip ticket for a hundred and twenty dollars,
left Thursday after work and came back Saturday night before church and so it was literally a two day trips of Phoenix
pick me up Thursday evening I stayed with her grandparents and we had two days of awesome dates went to In-N-Out Burger we walk the beach we ended up praying for a guy
I just remember that first day it was it was awesome because we connected on so many levels physical attraction we had good conversation we were,
doing Ministry together already like naturally didn't even have to force it and it just felt really good too,
connect on spiritual levels and every level and so then so that was like really reassuring to me because we connected on the phone on FaceTime now in person and so.
[14:20] Then we just kept yeah kept faced I kept talking and I wasn't really big into texting and I actually.
Any single people are listening I would.
Phoenix:
[14:29] I would recommend is a good note good to know.
Brandon:
[14:33] Getting to know each other through texting,
is then it's like a constant all day thing which I know is exciting at first but it's really not a good way to get to know somebody because because then if they don't text you that's like oh are they not interested in
more or you know you have to text them in the morning text them at night and then you just can't really focus on your job or your other,
passions because it's like you're just non-stop texting so.
And I told that the Phoenix as far as like I don't think it's the best way for us to get to know each other I don't think she was the happiest about that at first because she.
Phoenix:
[15:03] At first or at last but it's good.
Brandon:
[15:05] So I'm like you know.
Sarah:
[15:06] Do you still not text Phoenix a.
Brandon:
[15:08] We don't really have conversations texting still I still think it's kind of.
Phoenix:
[15:12] It was as hard during dating when you're long distance and and you get busy to where you can't talk on the phone and so,
for me that was our only Connecting Point like if you were in the same place I wouldn't want to text but we since we were long distance that felt like one of the only forms of communication we,
and so that was why it was hard but I think in general I've learned about guys versus girls guys Dart textures they're not phone.
Typically and girls are and so that's something that you learn in in relationship for girls to know that hey don't take that personally don't take that as a sign
most guys aren't like that and I even asked my pastors at that time I'm like is this does this mean he doesn't like me they're like no that means they do
you just want to text and no guy wants to text so.
Sarah:
[15:53] Yeah okay so I feel like I got palsy for just a minute because you brought something great Phoenix because so often when you're in this dating stage or even like
the pre-dating stage were like does he like me does she like me like all the stuff back and forth now granted I've been a long way removed from this,
would know way more about this than I do but how did you Phoenix what you said like you asked some friends like how did you stay secure in who you needed to be without being that girl that's like oh my gosh she didn't text me there he didn't call me or,
Brandon I don't know how this for guys I don't know if you all think the same thing or if there would be the equivalent of like she didn't respond fast enough or she didn't call me or she said something that you were like I don't know her
guys are a little more like no it's cool she talked to me this week we're fine but talk about this instrument for people listening because that is hard right to fall into this kind of
go and say manipulable it's almost
manipulative kind of back and forth and you guys were long distance and didn't get to like see each other in person all the time so how did you Phoenix I'll start the you just how did you stay kind of secure and go in.
Okay like I know Brandon likes me we're in this or or was that struggle.
Phoenix:
[16:56] I think in general for dating there's so many games are so many games and from the get-go we decided we're not going to play those games if you want to text me text me I want to text you I'm going to text you there's these weird unknown like.
Games that you play in dating like don't text right away or I'll senior like you're too eager and all this stuff and it's just so confusing and again God is a god of clarity so I think just talking like hey what are you feeling right now just,
having discussions where are we at I think in a healthy relationship you're kind of doing some checkpoints of where you at in this relationship and where do you stand and just having that communication I think is key versus just
wandering there's so much insecure that can come just from that but then also I mean one of the biggest things that I would say even.
[17:44] Getting ready to date and being ready for that is knowing your identity in Christ that was,
huge in a game changer in the stating relationship with him versus ones I had in the past where I didn't know that so that is number one and I've seen that.
Play such a big part in our marriage but then also I so good especially I think again more for girls
is to process things with people so I had a good friend that was also going through a long distance relationship and so a lot of times I'm like hey I'm thinking this am I crazy
what have you done what have you learned a lot of times I was able to she was able to tell me hey I've already been through this this is what
what's happening and then I would lean into my pastors at that time they're like,
father figures in my life brothers and and ask them like hey this is happening like from a guy's perspective what do you think so would really lean into,
people from different ages and walks of life married unmarried mentors versus friends and and really try to bring people in which I think is also key in dating as well.
And helping you just not be too much in your head in a dating relationship I think long distance made it harder to you know have any kind of security but in general our security doesn't come from relationship with another person it comes from our relationship with God so
yeah a combination of all those things really really.
Sgf-Plug:
[19:08] Hey friends just interrupting this conversation we want you to join us for Something Good Friday let's start the weekend Strong by filling everyone's feed with all kinds of good things,
to join us just create a story or a post on your social Pages sharing something good it can be anything,
just make sure to tag now that's something good so we can see it and we can share too and you never know when we will pick one of you to send a little something good.
So make sure to join us for something good Friday's on Instagram and Facebook now back to our conversation.
Sarah:
[19:46] I think that's great Phoenix like you said that our,
your identities got to come in Christ first in any shape or form right because so often when we enter into any dating relationship or whatever we're looking to fill something in ourselves sometimes it's missing
and that other person is never going to fully fill that.
Nothing is God created us to be together to have a partner in life and there's something cool about that when we find that person and he didn't create everybody for that let me clarify like some people I think,
are called the singleness it's a different thing but when you do feel like hey I'm called to share my life with somebody there is a completeness that happens in that which is God's design
it can be hard because we still look for that person to like
complete who you are and it's like hey you're complete in Christ Brandon talk to us about guys like did you struggle with when it's long distance like feeling like if you really knew where you're at with Phoenix or was that how does that work in a male brain head heart.
Brandon:
[20:40] Um man I knew she was such a direct person obviously because she shut me down so many times and told me how she felt which I kind of appreciate it and you know
I thought man this girl is legit and so I took it as a compliment and just like she's not just going to fall for any guy that shows her attention so I thought that was that was something very admirable we know we were,
older and more mature I would say which was helpful I was 31 Phoenix was 28 or something like that and so we kind of were over the,
dating just a date like we weren't dating just to have somebody you know we really wanted to find the person that God had for us to marry you know I was like Abraham's age almost and so I'm like I gotta,
I gotta find.
Sarah:
[21:28] Unlock this in here.
Brandon:
[21:29] I gotta find a wife and not a desperate way but just like we didn't want to waste time you know because you waste time and.
With somebody you don't see yourself marrying your just limp like limiting yourself or maybe meeting the right type of person and just wasting time in life and so we were both dating with the intention of finding out if this person was the one that we wanted to marry
so we didn't play a lot of games which I'm very thankful for like we I will be completely transparent there were.
Passed relationships where I just wanted to see if I could get the girl to really like me.
I thought I liked her but then once shoes like me a lot then I was like do I really even like her that much which I'm sorry I've asked the Lord to forgive me for that and I've asked the past girls to forgive me for that and I realized okay they really like me now but I'm not,
that into this relationship anymore and so this time I learned from that thank God and so I told myself do I really want to call Phoenix,
and I didn't do it just to do it like okay I've got to call her I need to try to like woo her
and so I really tried to be led with my mind and my heart and my emotions so I'm proud of that I'm not I wasn't perfect in our dating relationship but,
that's one thing I was happy about didn't play the games didn't try to win her heart before I knew I wanted it if that makes sense.
Sarah:
[22:51] No that's that's great brand it so I don't know if you guys would use this phrase but I would kind of say that you use the word intentional but just kind of that intentional dating that is not
something that a lot of people do our know about or discuss Phoenix could you just share with us a little more like on what you mean like,
when we would say Hey you were kind of intentionally dating or you're not playing games just talk a little more about that especially to those listening that are maybe weather there
teenagers whether they're in their 20s whether they're 40 or 50 still you know waiting hoping that maybe they will find a life partner what is it look like to be more intentional about dating than.
Hey I'm just dating Whoever Whenever all the stuff.
Phoenix:
[23:33] I think for me I learned because I was boy crazy initially like middle school high school
so much so that I decided to not date my first year of college
and I realized very much that there is insecurity and things that needed to be worked out in me prior and that's why I mentioned the identity in Christ and so I pretty much didn't day all through college and I,
I just kept her realizing like I wasn't ready you're,
officially ready but I just felt like I knew in my heart that I was supposed to just focus on God at that time and when the right person came that that God would bring him not me searching because for the longest time I felt like I was the one pursuing I guess in a sense and so I think.
Waiting and becoming that person was key to that but also.
At that point then I can actually feel like I'm now going to be able to date to marry because we so I someone told me this one time and it really has stuck with me and stuck with me then was I kept wanting to find the one you know but.
Becoming the one was like,
well I needed to do and being the person that I'm even looking for that's like got a firm foundation with Christ and.
[24:45] Knows who they are in him and all those things and so at that point once I felt like I had gotten more grounded that's when I felt like I could even,
date to marry it wouldn't be just like me trying to take from somebody else with actually me able to give into,
follow what God was leading so I think that was key is to be that person I think when you're younger I mean it totally works for a lot of people but sometimes when you're younger you're trying to figure out who you are and while you're dating if you're doing that you're really just trying
you're finding identity in that person it's hard to not do that and there's a lot of insecurities that goes into that which honestly just causes a lot of pain and hurt and so
to intentionally date it was just okay I'm going to have this relationship with God first and then I'm going to date to marry,
and I think along with that it's it's just a process it
it's a bing for me it was being very prayerful in the process I think what I see a lot of times now with those that date is especially when they're doing online dating is people treat
one another so different than they would treat another fellow brother or sister in Christ you know you get the ghosting where you still show up at dates you just stop responding all those things and it's and it's so
not how we're supposed to treat another person in Christ and so I think getting to the point where you can treat them and honor that person.
[26:13] And yeah I guess just intentionality of being prayerful and that process and really being led by the spirit not just dating everyone I think that was a big thing for me is I learned to
to be friends first with people when I when I could and a lot of times either by being friends I realized that one person wasn't,
who I was supposed to be with a lot of times I was like told the guy if they wanted to go on a date they had to go to church with me first and you know so it works for some.
Sarah:
[26:43] Y'all need to try that Phoenix.
Phoenix:
[26:44] But then it made it.
Brandon:
[26:46] No wonder you didn't date in college.
Phoenix:
[26:48] A lot of guys would run within a lot than some would stay and I just you learned so much about a person even in Friendship before you start getting romantic and letting giving your heart out to another person so that was part of the intentionality for me.
Sarah:
[27:03] Phoenix I love that.
Brandon:
[27:04] Sorry I made fun of you.
Sarah:
[27:04] Sorry,
hey it's work to your favor I love that because I think there is something to being friends and you seeing people who they really are because like I said when you just jump into dating sometimes you don't know because we can be whoever we want to be,
for a couple hours or whenever and that's easily manipulated and if you know a little more what you want and what you're looking for
then it's easier to weed out the ones it's like and really just not waste your time or their time trying to find somebody that you're like yeah that's not really gonna work for me but Brandon do anything to add.
Brandon:
[27:35] Absolutely so we dated long-distance which the had its negatives and positives one of the positives was we had to talk you know when you're in person you can start cuddling you go to a movie you don't have to talk you know you just,
making out and whenever you start kissing you stop talking and so we had look at each other on a screen for.
Sarah:
[27:56] The true yeah.
Brandon:
[27:58] And time would go by quick because we would talk about everything you know all kinds of stuff and so that was that was definitely a positive and that helped us
build a firm foundation because dating in my mind is trying to get to know the person on a,
deeper level to see if that's the person you want to marry and I think it's an art dating is an art and one thing I've learned from past mistakes was.
Dating really needs to be taken slow and just get to know the other person gets to know,
how they are around their family hang out with their friends like group dates is our are awesome because when you're just one-on-one with the person you just get to know them one-on-one but when you get to know them around their friends their family.
How they are at work like getting to know them in different Arenas is so so important and.
Sometimes in dating I would try to figure everything out so quick like I would try to analyze and say you know I don't know about this part,
of our relationship or I have red flags on this area of Phoenix River I was dating and I would just analyze it and analyze it and analyze it and sometimes it stole the joy of just,
dating and building a friendship and getting to know them I had to try to figure it out so quick and so.
[29:22] I would encourage anybody that's listening that's in a dating relationship we're going to date just take it slow and relaxed and just.
Don't make any commitments before dating a year like I would say date a whole year see how it is at Christmas see out is during your birthday see how it is during the summer,
um hang out with their family and since you know you're going to date them a whole year without making any big decisions.
[29:49] It kind of takes the pressure off like.
The guy dudes listening you don't have to wonder if you're going to propose you know anytime soon like just relax and build a friendship and
talk as much as you can like whatever you think
goals are physically like whether kissing is good or making out as something you guys want to do I would just say the longer you push that off the better because the more you can just talk and get to know each other,
on those deeper levels because when you.
[30:21] When you start the physical stuff it connects you on levels that you feel connected to that person,
but then once the newness of the physical stuff wears off you don't have that connection that you could have built by talking and
getting to know them intimately through conversation and experiences and so that's one thing Phoenix and I did really well in she,
hot tell a funny story so when I would go out there she would come here we would try to see each other every month her job was flexible.
Two Rivers was very flexible with me with even making short trips to see her so we try to see each other every four or five weeks and I wouldn't hold her hand and she was like I could tell she was getting upset and holding hands there's nothing wrong with that.
But I had held girl's hands and kiss them before I even knew that I like them that much I have the Lord has forgiven me of.
Stuff how it's how I handled myself and the past but I did not want to try to win her heart before I knew it or I didn't want to try to feel connected to her,
through holding hands if I wasn't connected spiritually or through conversation so when we did hold hands finally,
I grabbed her hand and we held it and she's like finally.
Same thing happened when we finally kissed she's like ah finally.
Sarah:
[31:44] Finally.
Brandon:
[31:45] And it was funny but it was actually I took it as a compliment because I was proud of myself that we both like said we just want to get to know each other on other levels,
we want to trust each other we want to know each other we want to rely on each other before we start touching because physical stuff just Cloud your
on if you truly know that person but it's so so hard when you are connecting and excited and
it's just so so hard not to do that but I encourage all of our listeners push off the physical stuff as long as you can and get to know them because if they're the one for you you'll have plenty of time to kiss and hold hands and cuddle.
Phoenix:
[32:25] Amen just fist-bump until then that's all we were doing at the beginning we just fist.
Sarah:
[32:29] I think that's great because I think people I appreciate you guys talking about that because I think that's something that doesn't get talked about enough
um and sometimes there's just social or cultural pressure that like hey everybody is doing this I'm sure your guys line of work you're with teenagers and I'm sure you see that all the time and probably hear stories that would make a lot of parents,
probably sick to their stomachs just knowing that kids feeling pressured for whatever reasons sometimes in really bad situations sometimes just
it is what it is to do things that maybe they're not ready to do yet I think the same thing can be true even as an adult as you grow and just being wise and having wisdom as you're walking into every relationship
so give me just a couple real quick
each of you Phoenix I'ma start with you what would be a long distance relationship tip that you would give you guys have shared several but if you could talk to somebody who's like either maybe thinking about like hey this might be a long distance relationship or maybe
they're in one now or just give the people some help what's a long-distance relationship tip.
Phoenix:
[33:28] If I only knew no just kidding I would say.
Honestly probably just the clarity part just talk because it can feel like man we're not connecting as much or I mean at one point we even.
I felt like we weren't compatible because we didn't have anything else to talk about but we had already talked so much more than probably some married couples,
and so that was like creates a little bit of insecurity with both of us but when we talked it out and also talked about it with Community it was key so I think
communicating with one another and being transparent,
and also with Community it helped me so much to check in with other people to not feel so alone because there's times where I was like am I the only one that's experiencing this thing but there's always somebody else that's out there that's just what the enemy wants you to believe you're the only one
but so communication with each other and communication with community.
Sarah:
[34:25] That's good Brandon would you add any other guy tip.
Brandon:
[34:27] I just reiterate real quick the texting thing I just would eliminate texting I would call them.
So they can hear the inflection in your voice FaceTime them when you do get in person do group Hangouts as well one time I went to visit Phoenix and she's like oh we're going to go over to my pastor sows and,
and we're going to have a cookout and as we're driving over there I'm thinking to myself all right who's going to be over there and she told me and I'm like I totally know what's about to happen I'm about to go get grilled
and we had a nice little dinner and then we all sit on the couch and they grilled me for like an hour and a half and I,
actually was nervous at first but then I realized I liked it because I'm like man how many people does Phoenix having her life that love her and care about her and are protective of her and it wasn't just her dad that showed me his muscles and told me I was gonna.
Kill him kill you if you do anything wrong,
but like so many people were in her corner and so if you are dating long-distance get to know the people that are important to each other and spend time in groups as well.
Sarah:
[35:30] I think that's great I think you've said this twice but I think it's a good tip in general of I love how you said you,
you both in Phoenix I know it's more on your side Brandon you probably had some but had people that,
you could talk to that you also knew could ask questions Phoenix you were saying that you were that for your friend and so I think for everybody listening all of us probably have a friend who's still single or just whatever it is
if you don't have friends like that find yourself some friends that are willing to be like hey I'm gonna have to know some information about this guy or I'm about to know some information about this girl need to answer some questions it just help hold you accountable
name accountable just somebody else watching out for you to be like hey are you really sure like that person seems a little what that you know whatever,
or to just be an encouragement be like hey no I actually think they're great why don't you talk about this more or whatever but,
so find your all some friends that can do that if you don't have any I don't know Google search some friends that can help you but okay so long-distance dating how long did that last what was the total.
Brandon:
[36:28] We dated long-distance for about a year but like I said we did a lot of trips and so she came here a lot I went out there a lot and yes a whole year right yeah.
Sarah:
[36:42] Okay so fast forward a little bit so.
Brandon I'm going to ask you about this because you did a good job with this so just kudos to you I want you to tell a little bit about the proposal story and then we'll ask Phoenix her side too so I've asked everybody who's been on you need a proposal story.
Brandon:
[37:00] So it took about a year for me to be 100% positive I mean I knew I admired so much about Phoenix and loved her but I was like wanting to be sure you know
overanalyzing everything and so but once I did know for sure that I wanted to marry her and that was God's plan I was like why waste any more time I'm getting old.
And this long-distance thing is kind of annoying so but I did want to do an awesome proposal so.
I think I saw your Pinterest board or I talked to one of your friends but I,
found out her dream was to get proposed to in a hot air balloon but she also wanted to be surprised some like how do you do that.
Sarah:
[37:40] So I had you guys talked about marriage at all at this point like I mean.
Phoenix:
[37:43] We had just had a conversation the trip before saying like we're both there in our minds and stuff so he literally did not skip a beat the next trip.
Brandon:
[37:52] So some like how am I going to propose in a hot air balloon and surprise or so,
I came up with this idea it was for Val it was a Valentine's date I think I went out to California and so I made two sheets like that she could pick the date because I wanted her to think she was picking,
the future even because that's how I was going to surprise her so.
I made this whole like itinerary that we would go to the San Diego Zoo and so I said here's the address here's where we can eat breakfast here's like,
how much time we would need I said this is option one I said this is option 2 is to go in a hot air balloon and,
I said these are all the things I said we should probably just go to the zoo right and she's like no let's do the hot air balloon and so she picked that I might tell the story right she picked the hot you pick the hot air balloon.
Phoenix:
[38:42] I actually was going to pick the Zoo because it was cheaper but then I would have made us cancel on some friends we already had committed to so I.
Sarah:
[38:47] Okay so I say yeah because what would you have done if she picked the zoo.
Brandon:
[38:50] That's how I knew she was going to pick the hot air balloon because I'm like if we do the hot air balloon will be done by noon if we do the zoo it's going to be like till six and I knew.
That she had plans at six and she wouldn't want to cancel on her friends so I knew that's how she's going that's right that's right so.
So we got up real early like 5 6 a.m. I woke her up we're at our grandparents house and we're like I got was like we gotta go it's time to go and.
She got all ready and then you pick the hot air balloon,
and then we zoom off to go to hot air balloon and I'm so nervous this morning that morning that I look down in the time we're like running way late so I'm like trying to fly to this hot air balloon because I have it all planned out I'm going to propose
I've got these little index cards made that I'm gonna secretly pass out to the other people in the hot air balloon to like record and and take pictures of The Proposal.
And so we get we almost miss the hot air balloon ride and my whole plan would have been squandered but we barely made it.
And so we load up on the hot air balloon I'm secretly passing out these index cards to people like keep it a secret I'm going to propose and so we're up there.
In the balloon.
And it's like amazing and it just rained a bunch in California so it was so green and so beautiful you can see the mountains you can see the ocean it's and it was in Temecula California and.
[40:16] So nervous I get I say all right everybody I've got an announced and I get on my knee and I proposed and it was a beautiful moment,
and I forget what I said I think I forgot I wrote down all these notes and I just but I did say I love you and I did ask you if you'd spend the rest of your life with me and then,
give me the tell the the funny part Phoenix is like shut up don't tell this part...