Maria Granados: when "you're enough" is not enough

In this episode, Maria shares her faith journey, overcoming an eating disorder, and more. Maria’s daughter, “Nat G” was diagnosed with an extraordinarily rare form of muscular dystrophy affecting her PYROXD-1 gene. Her’s is one of the most extreme cases out of the (only) 17 cases ever identified globally. Maria shares her incredible mom faith related to Nat G’s struggle.

She’s an entrepreneur in partnership with her husband, Matt (S1E11) and in her own business, EmpowHER boutique + dream studio. The boutique is way more than just a business. Listen in to hear why it’s so impactful to women. 

Follow Maria:

Instagram @riarambles
Facebook @maria.rose
Maria’s favorite links https://linktr.ee/riarambles

Follow Empowher Boutique:
https://empowher.commentsold.com/
Instagram @shop.empowher
Facebook Group
Featured in Inc.com

Some quotes from the episode:

“I started doubting my own judgement of my ability to think I was qualified to do things.”

“The things we are trying to run from are the things we have to meet head on.”

“Real change happens when you’re with people.”

“I think [God] gives us people in our life say like ‘this is Me showing up for you.’”

“I work out for what my body can do, not as a punishment.”

“If you put light into the darkness you’re gonna see better than you did before.”

“Jesus has peace for us. And whatever is happening to us - has a hold on us - is evil. And He wants to crush that evil with His peace.”

“If you’re a believer, setting a goal is really just being deeply in prayer with God and saying ‘help me cast the vision. I want to see through Your eyes.”

“It is not up to you to get to the outcome.”

“Whatever her life is, you have a purpose for it. She’s Your daughter more than she’s my daughter. And You want good things for her.”

“The whole point of this world is for us to point towards Him.”

“Just because I’m not happy doesn’t mean I don’t have joy.”

“I’m not enough. And I wasn’t supposed to be enough. In fact, if I’m enough, I’m missing Jesus.”

“That’s why He came - so that we could be enough.”

“I’d rather chase Him than the enoughness of the world.”

“How can you not love on somebody when they’re being vulnerable with their struggle?”

Fun things from the episode:

• You're Not Enough(And That's Okay)
• Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich book
• Matt and Maria’s Podcast REALationships

View this episode on YouTube

Share your thoughts: podcast@sarahgood.com

Now That's Something Good Podcast by Sarah Good is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0

Transcript

Sarah:
[1:26] Hey friends welcome back I'm so glad I am here today with my friend Maria.

Maria:
[1:31] Yay I'm excited to be here.

Sarah:
[1:33] I'm really glad that you're here Maria you'll hear us say this but Maria is the husband to Matt who was on a few weeks ago and he just shared a lot of great stuff with us Maria did you did you listen.

Maria:
[1:42] I did listen I actually saw my friends listen they're like oh my gosh you did you hear this before I had listed in the like I have to listen now.

Sarah:
[1:48] Yeah I know I should listen.

Maria:
[1:50] I listen for you I've heard him talk a million times but I guess I have to hear this one I guess it's cute it's really good.

Sarah:
[1:55] That's awesome well I'm really glad that you are on with us today you've got such an incredible story and so many like,
Mariah so like I'm super inspired by you and just I really I mean that like encouraged by just your heart and everything and so I'm excited for everybody listening to get to hear all of the Maria things today so,
I'm excited so let's just jump right in so tell us just again even though they heard might tell us about your family who little bit who you are all the all the things.

Maria:
[2:20] All the things so my name is Maria Granados I am the wife to Matt who you guys may have heard on a couple episodes ago we have to kiddos we have Natalie who's three-and-a-half and Zack who is almost two,
so I am St Louis native but I was I moved away for about a decade and we have recently came back last year because our daughter had been,
we've been seeking a diagnosis for her so she has I'm I don't know if Matt went into it completely or not but,
she has a very rare form of muscular dystrophy she's one of 17 people in the world and so we did not know this diagnosis quite yet but we needed to be near family,
so and and I'm sure I'll share more of this as we get into it but it was a divine intervention that we left at the time we did because we had six ICU visits since we've been here,
never had one before that,
so we needed family around us and it's been great but we are entrepreneurial couple I guess by Design I don't know,
Matt Mac has never actually worked for anybody else in his entire life,
he DJ'd and you guys are like he did when he was younger all the way till doing his own stuff so it's kind of crazy I caught the entrepreneurial bug when we were,
I'm dating and I guess it took me until last year to really pull the trigger,
my past is in nonprofit management development and working with young people and now I own and run my own women's Boutique that is a source of encouragement for women as well as Style,
and we live out here in O'Fallon so I guess that's the best thing to describe us really.

Sarah:
[3:49] That's good and so you said you grew up in Chesterfield I said we're what high school did you go to because okay we have to ask because I feel like that's the st. Louis thing like.

Maria:
[3:51] I did I went to St. Joe's Academy just yeah I guess the thing the thing yeah I went to St. Joe's but I grew up which is obviously not in Chesterfield but you know went to Catholic High School and that's I grew up Catholic.

Sarah:
[4:06] Yeah do you want to talk about let's just jump right into yeah.

Maria:
[4:08] Growing up yeah okay so my background I come from a big extended family my parents are one of nine and one of 10 and most people live here so I have 45 first cousins I believe,
yes and most I would say most of them live here so.

Sarah:
[4:25] And remind me what is your heritage

Maria:
[4:30] Italian, both sides. Italian Catholics so lots of babies lots of kids.

Sarah:
[4:33] I love it okay.

Maria:
[4:34] Yeah girl going to Catholic School from K to 12 and I always Associated so for me like I always felt like I had a good hold on like my faith and like I always was a Believer and,
felt spiritually like connected and under cared about it,
but at the same time I always since it was part of school like it was something you had to learn and get a good grade on and I'm a perfectionist by nature and so it's super competitive so for me a lot of my religious growing up had to do with like,
performance and being a perfectionist and,
all of those things which are you know a huge part of my story later on to and the undoing of a lot of that and just getting you know somewhere else but yeah I grew up in that Sports I traded Sports in for theater in high school a little bit,
I got a little burnt out if you will if you know me now Athletics or my thing and so it was a seasonal life where I just wanted to just to just jump into something new so,
as a kid I was just like oh he's trying to do my best whatever I did but would burn myself out a lot of stuff.

Sarah:
[5:39] Hmm okay.

Maria:
[5:41] And then again just like.

Sarah:
[5:43] So you can try one thing and then be like okay I'm all-in.

Maria:
[5:47] Years and like travel and do all the things for and then just be like I can't I would burn out.

Sarah:
[5:51] Yeah what sports did you play okay.

Maria:
[5:53] It's competitive softball and volleyball and basketball but softball and volleyball room I can wear my main yeah.

Sarah:
[5:59] So you did that and then you made a switch to theater.

Maria:
[6:02] Yeah so in high school I was like I was supposed to try out for volleyball and softball and I just told my dad I wasn't going to do it I come from a very intense Sports family so my sister's each had like four state championships at our high school.

Sarah:
[6:17] Wow okay.

Maria:
[6:17] For tennis and my dad's a softball coach volleyball coach basketball coach and that was not something that happened in our family you would say but you know,
did it for a little bit I got some experience I think I had like I don't know that's part of my personality to is my parents will tell you like she's always off trying that next thing that she wanted to try and.

Sarah:
[6:39] I think that's exciting I think it's exciting as a person who doesn't always do that I'm always intrigued by people that are like I'm gonna do this and I'm going to do this and I'm like that's that's amazing.

Maria:
[6:48] But sometimes is not great because I just jump a little too much it's like relationships tube you know back in my day what does a different one.

Sarah:
[6:53] Okay well my child enema to I am curious about the theater thing do you have like a favorite show you were in.

Maria:
[6:59] I was in A Midsummer Night's Dream and I love Shakespeare so I love that I could I thought it was going to be a lot harder to memorize lines and stuff but it's easier because you know there's,
there is rhythm and pattern to it so that was really fun for me costumes are wild and it was just a really fun time that's why my favorite.

Sarah:
[7:20] So you did theater and then you jump back the sports and your where were you living all that where'd you go to college okay.

Maria:
[7:25] So I went to Mizzou I'm a tiger I wanted to go to I was a journalism major I wanted to go to Northwestern I was since I was a kid there was little,
I knew that like I'm going to go to Northwestern and that's where I'm going to go that's where all the people who are smart go Sarah so that's where I wanted to go.

Sarah:
[7:41] Exactly where I was not going.

Maria:
[7:43] And I was like I'm gonna get in it you know I had never thought for a second I couldn't get in because grades were life to me and so Matt's always laughs cuz we couldn't be more opposite as kids growing up and I will never forget getting that rejection letter.

Sarah:
[7:58] Really okay.

Maria:
[7:59] Title One school I applied to one school for college as I was like of course I'm going to get in,
then get in I was like my dad was like well Mizzou is in state and they have a really good journalism school so you.

Sarah:
[8:11] Wow.

Maria:
[8:12] Look there and I was like I'm not going where everybody else is going I refuse.

Sarah:
[8:16] Okay so that's huge so like 18 year old Maria I mean like talk about that for a second wow.

Maria:
[8:20] Biggest disappointment in my life as far as you know outside of like death of like a close family and things like that but like this is my first moment where I was like,
you are breakable.

Sarah:
[8:30] Yeah.

Maria:
[8:31] And you're not going to oh even if you feel like you earned it you might not get it and like you might not be good enough on paper for what somebody else said and like that was the first time that I was like,
wow look I well I think I started to doubt my own self reflection have you ever been to a point where you're like wait a second like I'm pretty smart and I'm pretty good at like reflecting like I and I know what the requirements were,
I did all the things I'm like so I started doubting my own judgment of my ability to think I was qualified to do things and I think that that's a big I think that's a huge thing that goes on in my story is this idea of qualification is like,
then from there on out I started feeling like I wasn't qualified to do a lot of things,
there's a couple times I started to try to test those Waters of like knowing I wasn't qualified but trying to do something anyway but you get beat up a couple times you start to feel like,
am I just miss judging my own qualification like maybe I shouldn't be trying that are doing that or you know what I mean.

Sarah:
[9:30] Yeah yeah that's huge I mean I think everybody deals with that right it's attention to feel like you're qualified to do something and like I want this I want to do it and then if you get rejected you're like what do I do now.

Maria:
[9:40] I think that it is where your childhood like that innocence that sort of like vote like that confident that vulnerable confidence you have as a kid,
that it shifts at some point in your life where it's like when you first get like that dose of reality where you're like wow okay maybe I'm not as good as I think I am.

Sarah:
[9:57] Right right.

Maria:
[9:58] I think we all face that at some season in some area of our life and for me that was it and I was like wow okay so maybe I'm not great.

Sarah:
[10:05] Well I think you're great Maria so I think know.

Maria:
[10:06] I'm just being honest yeah.

Sarah:
[10:11] So you ended up going to Mizzou.

Maria:
[10:12] And having The Best Time Ever meeting the best friends having the best experience because God is great like that,
it's like that's where I was supposed to be all along I fought it because everybody I knew was going there and I had a boyfriend going there that I didn't want to keep dating but now I had to because we were both going the same school,
and all of these things and and for me it was like okay wow sometimes.

[10:37] The things we're trying to run from our the things we have to meet head-on and I and for me I just didn't want to I had a hard time with girlfriends in high school which is a huge wound of mine and I really didn't want to be in college around anybody that I know,
so I was just I got kind of hurt and as an adult looking back on it I see my own role in it,
but for growing up for so long I have a wound of female friendships that was that took over a decade to heal,
and so it started in high school and I think I mean it's an HR going to an all-girls school and think things like that but it was just kind of like,
there it was the reject is all happened at one time the college rejection,
the girlfriend issue senior year of high school and then that's when like my dose like my little bit of eating disorder start which I'll talk about like it all kind of started at the same time,
and I can't tell you which one was the Catalyst to be quite honest with you,
but I think you start to like you you get those wounds and you say to yourself like wow I don't want to meet anything that has to do with these I want to run away from all of the things which people would argue again after college I moved to Texas,
and that might have been running away from all of it again you know what I mean I didn't come back here it's been an over is about a decade since I left,
and we just got back last year and last year was when I had to face a lot of stuff that I ran from as a kid.

[12:03] And I think that you know it's funny I run a business now where so my business is EmpowHER Boutique and I started it because,
I feel like women are so powerful together and yet we're also each other's biggest,
a problem but we can be each other's biggest critics,
and bring each other down as well and so I wanted to create a space especially in the clothing industry where it's like these are times we feel really vulnerable in awkward but what if we created a really positive Community around that,
and I was so scared to move back here in general because I there are so many people I hadn't faced I had made friends all over the country I didn't need all the things I left behind and whatever,
but I moved back here and I'ma need I moved back here because we had a kid we could we needed help.

Sarah:
[12:53] Home.

Maria:
[12:54] I moved back here and I didn't have like the same kind of friendships I had when I left I you know I moved back here and like I've almost felt like I was starting over,
um but I had this thing in my heart to start this business and it's so funny because that's the wound I've been trying to deal with for so long,
and I said why do I need like why that God like why am I gonna,
but I see very well today I mean I have like a circle of women around me I have a chance to share my story with other women have a chance to hear their stories and encourage them and realize it like,
sometimes you have to meet the wound to be healed by the wound it does make sense where it's like I had to be met.

Sarah:
[13:29] Mmm.

Maria:
[13:29] Had to be released from it by facing it and there are so many things I think in my life and in all of our stories where it's like we want to run from it to get over it,
or hide from it but we have to face it head-on and ordered to be released from that thing.

Sarah:
[13:43] It's so good Maria well and sometimes it's like you have to God uses whatever those things are sometimes too,
the Catalyst whatever the next thing is and like you're right if you just avoided it forever God might never have the chance to use it and let it be a part of his story that he's winning,
you and and you got an incredible so back up just a minute and tell us like how did you get,
no no and there's so many we're going to come back people to all these things because Maria talked to a lot of it and I want her to talk about the boutique cuz it's really cool but I want to back up where was the moment for you though where you really in all of this if you don't mind talk a little bit about,
disorder and talk about how you came to know Jesus really more than just a religious experience but a relationship with him.

Maria:
[14:22] Right so I mean I was I would say I was a pretty devout Catholic you know always even in my you know party days of college would go to church on Sunday
you know nighttime Mass like not the morning but you know we'd show up my friend my girlfriend's I met friends there we were in a sorority and they were also Catholic it like we go to church together I wouldn't say we acted like we go to church ever but we went and.

[14:46] I started to like I kind of told you at the beginning of like my struggle with like friendships and different things thankfully I was still I met some really great women when I first got the college who were just real people,
and I joined a sorority which was,
I was like really hesitant because I'm like you know but those were girls that I met through that that I'm like you know what if they're like these girls and I can I wouldn't want to be a part of that yeah I like I like these people I met and so I did that and you know,
the first couple of years of college we're really,
we're really crazy and all of the things I'll spare all the details of that but throughout those I went through a major breakup and a lot of other things too and,
I started to really my perfectionism - I'm an Enneagram 1 - I know you are, too,
perfectionism was always manifested itself as far as like grades and Athletics and like being the best at things try at least trying to be and then realizing it wasn't but like trying to be and so in college that looked like why I need to have the 4.0,
and I need to have the immensely fruitful social life,
so I need to be out every night but I still need to get a perfect GPA,
and then I also need to have really good internships so like for me it was like and then I need to like be going to the gym to make sure like everything to me it was like I had to there should be no excuse as to why everything but my faith really because Faith you could just show up at church that's why I thought that counted like that,
checking the faith box.

Sarah:
[16:14] Yeah.

Maria:
[16:15] So like those are all the things so like to me I didn't want anyone to think that I didn't have a handle on my life in any sphere of it.

Sarah:
[16:22] Right right.

Maria:
[16:24] That's started attacking me physically and it got to the point where like I didn't even know I can't even tell you how it started,
although I do I can't tell you I'm sorry so I went to Africa for two summers in college with the United Nations Association - cosmogirl if you guys remember that.

Sarah:
[16:43] Yes oh my goodness.

Maria:
[16:44] And Procter & Gamble they did a women's health project there and they selected 20 teens from the US to go and do this.

Sarah:
[16:51] And you got selected to go we're that's.

Maria:
[16:53] Yes it was real it was a big deal for me like it was something I felt really passionate about doing,
and so I have like had applied for it and forgot about it and then was like wow okay wow they really okay I'm really gonna go do this my mom was like oh my God - one of the things your parents cheer you on and they find out you're going and they're like.

Sarah:
[17:09] Did I really want.

Maria:
[17:09] Are you really are.

Sarah:
[17:11] to send my daughter to Africa.

Maria:
[17:12] Yeah and it was like you know it was like five or six weeks and so it was like a decent amount of time and so we went,
and I think they're you forget about yourself and we were doing service projects and we were in rural communities and we were staying there like we were sleeping in tents,
behind the police's the police fences on their property and like so we were really in it in like that rural aspect of it and so like when it came to food like you're working on stuff at the schools with the kids every day and like if they ask you for a bite of your food like,
I know in five weeks I can go eat whatever I want.

Sarah:
[17:44] Right right.

Maria:
[17:45] This sense of like I can handle anything for these five weeks whatever you like we're going to eat enough to survive and that's fine but,
so we'll be fine and so and then my heart was just like seeing so much stuff I think poverty in America on poverty in other places looks entirely different,
and just as a young person seeing that head-on was just like crazy for me you know we read about it we know about it but to experience it to,
to put like a warm hand on it you know what I mean and say like I have held hands with somebody who that affected like that to me changed me and so,
I went back the second year as a leader for the next round of the 20 teens that they selected to do that project again and,
hit me even harder and like I took a lot more like and then if you're a leader then you feel like you need to be like,
I don't know I felt like I had to be more sacrificial so that the people could get what they needed and like isn't the whole thing it was may be unnecessary but like that's just how my mind was working at the time so I got back from all of that it was like the beginning of my junior year of college and,
I had so many guy friends that were like well you look so great,
great I haven't eaten anything in like six weeks you know like I'm like excited to come back and eat all the.

Sarah:
[18:57] Right I need all the food yes.

Maria:
[18:57] College pizza and all the drink all the beers and like all the things you know and I'm like wow okay so then I thought like if I was to lie,
if somebody says you look great and then if you were to do anything to add to that.

Sarah:
[19:08] Right right right.

Maria:
[19:09] You won't look great right - and to a 21 year old mind that's really hard to like,
an adult now I can tell you if somebody told me that I'd be like whatever but back then it was my mind was really easy to manipulate and so,
that poor friend did not mean any harm by it like the one that in specific but send it to me but like I started to kind of be like I can't gain from this and I think a lot of it was me dealing emotionally with the whole experience I had then also dealing with this whole thing of like,
I no longer want to do my major because I was like I felt like it was self sir I was a,
broadcast journalism political science double major and I wanted to go do wanted to be on cable news but that's what I wanted to do sorry everybody I want nothing to do with cable news now literally think it's like the bane of my existence if it's on my TV I want to turn it off,
but I think that's what I cared about a lot and I went and did something you know hand to hand the people and I thought man real change happens when you're in when you're just with.

Sarah:
[20:03] Yeah right.

Maria:
[20:05] Like I don't need to be on news like in hair and makeup and like talking about it I need to be like in.

Sarah:
[20:09] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[20:12] In there at people doing stuff and so that's when I started looking into like other other avenues I think is my whole struggle with like what I was doing that this eating disorder just manifested and then once it was so far in its like,
I knew what it was and I couldn't change it.

Sarah:
[20:28] Right okay.

Maria:
[20:29] Because them to me like I was losing control it either be admitting I didn't have control or losing control to gain weight and it was like a both options felt like they weren't good.

Sarah:
[20:37] Right right.

Maria:
[20:38] For me so I was like I didn't really know how to change it now my roommate to the time these are the good people that I met are like hello we see this,
my parents are like hello we see this and they had kind of had conversations with each other which I'm grateful for in retrospect.

Sarah:
[20:53] Hmm right.

Maria:
[20:55] Time up I wasn't thrilled with it.

Sarah:
[20:57] So did they like come and talk to you about like what.

Maria:
[20:59] Yes I know I actually approached there's a certain point where I approached them and what my parents had had,
brought up to me a couple times not I wouldn't say unkindly but like we're just a family that's very say like it is aggressive.

Sarah:
[21:12] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[21:13] When I come home and I was like wow like you know like you don't look.

Sarah:
[21:17] Okay okay they started to see just.

Maria:
[21:19] We're an aggressive family so we just throw things like that out of there you know and not like private conversations are private conversations Sarah.

Sarah:
[21:26] He has like everybody at your 45 first cousins are in the room.

Maria:
[21:27] Yeah yes yeah it's right thank you okay great so like I you know to me it was just like this back and forth of like I don't really know how to move forward in this so I'm going to stay in what I know at this point,
and then it started getting bad I I mean I couldn't like I couldn't sleep at night like my I felt like I was having like heart palpitations and all kinds of,
I would show up at the gym like every morning super early and my cousin was a med student there and he said he had had issues before at this,
and he and him I don't really speak very much I have a lot of cousins and we all have different relationships but like he's super nice but he I guess he had reached out to my mom to let her know that like,
there's it's at a point where it's not good and I remember like,
feeling like that what what what part are they going to pull me out of school at what point like at that point I should have probably been in some sort of like inpatient treatment I should have been in something it was that bad I probably was like,
it's what I am now probably 45 pounds less at I would say around there.

Sarah:
[22:23] Right and so was this this was your sophomore.

Maria:
[22:26] I'm in my junior going into like end of junior year and so I remember being like it's all going to fall apart.

Sarah:
[22:33] Hmm.

Maria:
[22:33] In my head it was like is it in my car I was driving to Walmart of all places and the Walmart off of stadium for everybody that knows,
and so I remember being like okay at what point it's just all gonna like if I don't do something Something's Gonna,
whether it's like I'm gonna ruin all the relationships in my life or I'm going to ruin my body or I'm going to... like whatever it is it's going to happen something's going to happen if I don't do something and I knew I should be getting treatment at my parents were like I think my parents were on the like,
doesn't change like tomorrow that I feel like they were going to do something you know what I mean and a lot of people,
might have chosen to do something before that I'm glad mine didn't to be honest this is kind of where I have like a different experience,
I literally sat in my car and I was like I've known Jesus my life I've prayed like the prayers I used to like growing up I had like journals of like things I would talk to God about,
but I never really had like this I don't know I was always be always be me talking right like journaling and like I was never knew about the listening part of the relationship.

Sarah:
[23:35] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[23:36] I still don't know that as well but so like you know I always have these season I was in an offseason of like my faith but I was still going to church and showing up and I still believe I never didn't believe in any.

Sarah:
[23:46] Yeah.

Maria:
[23:46] But if we're talking about Jesus Is Our Savior at that moment I never understood what that meant Jesus as my savior I knew Jesus was God I knew that that was got,
he came and died in to save us but I didn't really understand that.

Sarah:
[23:57] Mmm you that yeah.

Maria:
[23:59] So I think my moment where like Jesus saved me was I remember sitting in my car crying and I was like I know I don't have any,
else I don't know what to do if you don't help me there is no help for me like I don't think anything else can work at this point so I said I will you like I remember sitting there like this like,
you just like hold my hand and walk me to go eat something that I finish and like,
keep in my body and I went to like the,
McAllister's next to the Walmart on State I think it's my cat was a Schlotzsky's our workout McAllister's and got whatever I don't remember what it is I ate but I sat there by myself,
just a strange thing to do in college anyway and,
innate that and I was like this is the beginning of something and I went home and I talked to one of my roommates of them like I need you to ask me really hard questions every day and I go I don't mean to put that on you.

Sarah:
[24:53] Yeah.

Maria:
[24:54] But I go and that's to me it's like Jesus in that moment I said I need to give you all of it and I don't know why,
and I think sometimes he gives us people in our life to say that this is me showing up for you is through these people gave me the courage to say that's my friend,
and then another one of my friends at the moment at that time it sort of dating somebody who was from Colombia and she knew I was gay we all got there's another one of my roommates,
none of us have ever like really like we all went to church but we didn't like you know whatever and he was going to like a non-denominational church there,
and she invited me that state like I think it's a couple weeks later and I was like yeah I'll go with you you want me to go with you it's fine like I don't care and I'd never been to a church like that in my life and I do.

Sarah:
[25:36] It's a little different.

Maria:
[25:37] I don't remember it's called and I notice like I've never been to anything like that in my life but I can tell you I've been going to those churches ever since that moment because I felt something different in I'd never seen worship music like that and I grew up going to like life teen and stuff and they haven't,
church I did some conferences and things and so I had been in some environments kind of like you know but I hadn't experienced anything like that before,
so I think that Jesus just started showing up from me and then when I moved to Texas it made it easier for me to kind of start church over and I those are the only kind of churches I opened myself up to and for me my relationship with him was gorgeous,
making it an intentional part of every part of my day is like.

[26:18] Jesus isn't just Sunday he's every day and I think I never had that before I never had the like this is my real I have a relationship with him he's here with me on this walk,
I've been released from like the idea that I had to like perform and do religion and,
kind of walked into this idea of like relationship was something because that's how all good relationships are right no good relationship is us performing for somebody to like,
I applied for us and make us feel good all good relationships are us being like hey I'm showing up every day,
and once you have presents with somebody vulnerability is so much easier to follow,
because it's like when you get used to showing up with somebody and being in the same presence every day it's like well then I could start sharing more even though God knows all this about me,
but then when I shared more vulnerability than glues you to somebody so it's like you have presents the more you're in someone's presence the more vulnerable you get the more vulnerable you get the more you're glued to that person and for good relationships that's a good thing,
and I think that that's what happened with Jesus now I can't imagine even like not acknowledging him every morning every day every at like to me it's just like.

[27:27] He's in me this is this is this is all I had all I know is what he's done for me I don't know anything else something else is true in my life besides that so to me that was how I really got saved,
to be honest and I'm grateful that he actually moved me away from st. Louis for a while because I do think that I'm not sure if I would have been able to,
walk as freely in that now that anybody would have kept me from it but all I knew here was Catholicism I knew here was what was cute and there's no shame to that,
it's not what he called me too and he called me to this to relationship with him and that was keeping me from it for whatever reason,
was idea this idea that I had to perform his idea of all these things because for someone like me that's a perfectionist being and religion gives me things to try to achieve.

Sarah:
[28:12] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[28:14] I couldn't be there and be healthy.

Sarah:
[28:16] Right know that makes sense so Maria where did what happened with the eating disorder after all that I wear.

Maria:
[28:22] I like,
I hesitate to share sometimes and I think I have like I didn't think I did a post in this really I really do hesitate to share sometimes because I do feel like so many people need to go to treatment,
because they need tools and their life and they might I don't know why Sarah but for whatever reason it stopped.

Sarah:
[28:42] Okay really.

Maria:
[28:43] And it was not easy I kept people in my life I thought about it all the time I think about it still it's still something that like I'm sure I could like I think that you can overcome it but you have to also be really aware.

Sarah:
[28:58] Yeah yep.

Maria:
[28:59] I just always tell people out loud if I'm ever experiencing any of those feelings I was like I tell somebody I know how loud something like I was it makes it real then it gets rid of it and it's like a perfect but for whatever reason that,
never was another issue for me again I was able to gain weight I was able to and then it just been a series over the last 10 10 11 years of just being like,
he introduced me to strength and to all these different things were like I work out for what my body can do.

Sarah:
[29:23] Hmm.

Maria:
[29:24] Not for what it can't do or not as a punishment and like now it's just become more I glorify him and I think it's part of his story so he use it,
I have been able to share the gospel with so many people through Fitness I've been able to there are so many people I have met that like I would have never met had that not been something that he put in my heart to pursue and some people are like you know well,
does it become dangerous to for me it's just it's me worshiping him like that's how I worship part of how my worship is is like the people that I meet there and,
if they ask me about my story and my gosh why can you you you know this look so easy for you or you work so hard or you're so like oh my gosh you're so strong and Ivan,
that's all him like I was not like I can show you pictures I was actually just doing a photo thing format this morning I'm like showing him the difference and who I like because he's never really seen the real photos of back in the day and it's mind-blowing but that was Jesus and that's like a,
the strength inside of me I think is that he uses that and then my daughter story of being like I'm her muscle like I gotta be her,
and you know so it's just another way for me to show what he's done in my life and if that gets somebody to ask me about him then great.

Sarah:
[30:35] Amazing you just said so many a couple of different things like I think so at times we think Fitness and all this stuff is we do it as a punishment to our body I think that's a huge thing and that.

Maria:
[30:44] A lot of women yeah.

Sarah:
[30:45] Shrek yeah I mean I'm doing it well I ate this piece of cake will now I need to go,
and when you can do the Mind shift that says my body gets to do this I get to be a part of it and that my body is a temple and I want to take care of it it's shifts the whole perspective,
all those things right and it's hard doesn't make it like you said it's a constant battle and I love what you said that you just you tell somebody and I think so many people listening whatever the struggle is whatever the thing is,
loses so much of its power and some of its weight if we will just get in relationship with Jesus first but with other people,
that we can be vulnerable with and say hey I'm really struggling with this today I need to tell you about it because it just loses its hold on us to instead of it just reverberating in our brains,
and so you are able to overcome the eating disorder or fill in the blank with whatever the thing is when we're able to go hey you know what Maria today I'm having the struggle can I just tell you about it and like talk it out or just let somebody else.

Maria:
[31:37] Just make it real like get it at get out of your head and into the air and somebody will be like even that alone I think Sarah will like help you diminish it's the whole idea of light and darkness right like,
you can layer light on top of light and light will shine brighter we all know that but like if you put light into the darkness like,
you're going to see better than you did before so you're at least putting a little bit of light in this dark spot and saying well maybe not as scary anymore.

Sarah:
[32:00] Yeah that's so yeah.

Maria:
[32:01] Big of a deal now so I got out there and I kind of see how silly it is when I say it I go oh yeah like that's silly I don't need to think like that.

Sarah:
[32:07] Yeah,
well one more question on the eating disorder thing and then we can move on but I'm sure with just the wide gamut of people we have listening there's probably somebody that has either struggled with that or a struggling right now,
what would you just say as an encouragement to somebody who's like maybe right now in the middle of that or figuring that out do you have just something to encourage them to do or say.

Maria:
[32:25] Yeah I mean my biggest thing is whether I mean if you're a Believer ask Jesus to come alongside to you like I really and I hope that doesn't sound light but it to me it's the biggest tool we have,
Jesus has peace for us and he went and whatever's happening to us as hold on us is evil is evil and and he wants to crush that even with his peace rights like the God of Peace will soon crush it into my face my favorite verse in the Bible but it's like this idea that like,
we in the peace with Jesus can easily crush these evil things that are happening to us we just have to lean on it.

Sarah:
[33:00] Hmm.

Maria:
[33:01] So I would say just like daily
if you can wake up each day and just start talking to the Lord and start journaling maybe what you're saying to him and see and then stopping to listen and seeing what your hearing back if you're not a Believer but you know somebody that is ask them to pray for you and just say hey I don't know,
what is going on with me but like I know you're a peripheral portion is there anything you could you pray for me and just tell me if you hear anything.

Sarah:
[33:23] Mmm.

Maria:
[33:24] I'm a big believer in prophetic word to and so like I do believe that there are people out there that if they pray for you and they might not even know specifically what they're supposed to pray for they will come back to you with like,
this is what I got I don't know what it means for you but I'm supposed to tell you this I think surrounding yourself with people out there who are,
who are prayerfully considering things or who are going to God in prayer and saying hey like I don't believe that but like if that can offer me some help I'd like for you to pray for me and see if you,
something he wants to say to me and I don't that's the best way I can connect to it right now then,
I think it's a good start to but I really do and I mean if you're completely against anything when it comes to like the faith element of it just start journaling in general the morning like right away when you wake up,
we start letting all those things you're thinking about yourself get out of your head if you don't feel comfortable sharing them with somebody just get a piece of paper and a pen and if you watch it come out of your own head onto paper.

Sarah:
[34:19] Yes.

Maria:
[34:20] There's something therapeutic about the release that I think will do more for you than you even think I think I heard that before and I was like that sounds dumb and then I did it I was like oh well there's a lot to.

Sarah:
[34:28] Yeah yeah that's huge thank you Maria for talking about that that's great.

Advert:
[34:35] Hey just interrupting this conversation with Maria for a quick moment to tell you about a really exciting event,
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[35:27] And Will and I would love for you to come be a part,
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our own daughter Lillian is going to be there helping with worship. Brandon Johnson was one of our very first guests - his wife Phoenix is going to be speaking at it,
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now here we go back to my conversation with Maria.

Sarah:
[36:47] Let's switch gears and talk about your clothing boutique because I know you said the kind of all go hand-in-hand and I love it and so just tell everybody again what it's called what it.

Maria:
[36:56] So it's called EmpowHER like HER and it looks better on paper than does come out of my mouth sometimes I think that I'm like I should have maybe tweak that a little bit.

Sarah:
[37:06] I think it's perfect.

Maria:
[37:07] I love it so for me it's always been like,
I've gone through what I've gone through but for me clothes of always been like a creative outlet and expressive way to express myself and I like my history of whatever I've always had friends and family were like trying to find something for this will you find me something for this or,
all the way through my life the best shopping partner I'll make you buy everything I'll buy nothing it's great my friends hate it but like how did I.

Sarah:
[37:30] That is awesome.

Maria:
[37:31] Money and you spent zero dollars and I'm like "I don't know"

Sarah:
[37:33] I feel like we need to go shopping.

Maria:
[37:34] Yeah it's so fun so I like it and I love like just making people feel like I love them people start to feel.

Sarah:
[37:40] Mmm yeah yeah.

Maria:
[37:41] Selves like to me that's the whole why it's like to look at you and say like you put something on your leg I feel good in this like yes that's the that is it.

Sarah:
[37:47] Yes yeah.

Maria:
[37:49] Clothes are superficial I get it like I'm like more so than nice person but at the same time if that can be a positive beginning,
to how you feel about yourself and relationship with other women than it's a good thing,
it's a really good thing and so for me I wanted to just continue to create a positive narrative around this whole idea of like our body and our confidence and style,
and that gave me a great place to do it I have great woman you know from a family perspective in my life and I was looking to build new friendships and it was really scary to go like be like hey I don't really have that many,
like new friends here I haven't seen my old friends and years but like I'm gonna do I remember I told my husband I'm going to do one really big.

[38:31] Buy all the stuff and I go and I will know after this one big thing that this is either going to be a good idea or a bad idea,
he's like I've never seen you execute something so quickly he's like you have so many ideas and I was like I just knew I was supposed to,
so last November I put on this big event at O'Fallon Brewery and like,
it was a it was a shopping event and people came like people from my gym Old Friends new friends my family people's like neighbors and I was like,
oh my gosh like people want to have and so I had people write down their goals for extra discount when they came like you share one goal with me and then I kind of like kept those and would bring them back up to them later on and my whole thing is to like,
I just I'm a good worker if you guys listen to this podcast we goal set for a living and before I did a boutique that was what I did for young people was help them with that so like it's important to me,
um but this whole idea of like just like putting positive thoughts on paper and being vulnerable other women to share that is a huge deal.

Sarah:
[39:27] Yeah yes.

Maria:
[39:28] So it just helps in the confidence Department to say like I know you and you're shopping for jeans but I love to know that you're trying to put your phone down for Less screen time for your kids at night,
to know that because I want to encourage you on that,
but ask you about it later and the fact that you could tell me that is awesome or whatever it is your thing that you're working I don't know what it is but like so some women are trying to do 5 Pull-Ups so if I'm her friend at the gym and I see her on the pull-up bar I'm going to be cheering extra loud for her,
so just gives you more things that you can cheer for women in your life along the way and I think that in this world we really need it.

Sarah:
[39:59] Absolutely.

Maria:
[40:00] You know I'm not I don't think social media is a bad thing I'm not on well you know,
we're gonna wear an election year so it's kind of a bad thing but outside of that I do think it's what we make of it I think we curate our own feeds like we can follow people that we believe are encouraging we,
so you can kind of like create this space for yourself so,
why not like and most of what I do now is is through social media but we do like one or two pop-ups a month and try to stay in person as well but I try to put positive stuff out there and that's why I tried to in General on the internet like I believe that,
God can be very present on social media if we allow if we are,
allowing that to happen and we just do it so part of that came from that as well that I wanted it to be social a social Boutique as well because I wanted to be able to encourage people with positive messages,
and like between you and me share the gospel without some of them them knowing it.

Sarah:
[40:50] Yes you do Maria does an incredible job of that.

Maria:
[40:54] I really tried.

Sarah:
[40:55] You do great you need to go follow her because it is on so you have your whole Boutique you can find on Facebook.

Maria:
[41:01] Yes,
our biggest thing is our Facebook group you can follow my you can follow my Boutique and like it on Facebook EmpowHER Boutique and Dream Studio and you could also do that on Instagram at shop and power but you the group the Facebook group is where it's really fun it's interactive it's people like,
posting their pictures and like 25 girls that don't even know them being like you look beautiful.

Sarah:
[41:21] It's so cool.

Maria:
[41:22] You know stuff like that so that's called the EmpowHER Goal Gang and so that's to me that's why I do it I have the other Pages because you're supposed to I guess.

Sarah:
[41:31] Yeah yeah I understand yeah.

Maria:
[41:33] I like to use them as much but like the Facebook group is like I'll go live everyday you know,
usually like in sweaty workout clothes are pajamas with my glasses on and no makeup but like I just want to be real with people and show them you know,
style is fun and it can be encouraging and is women like we do want a band around each other and like there is a positive element to all of this,
as well but you just kind of like part of and part of my stories like releasing people from I do talk about goals but I also want to release people from the idea of like what goals should really mean,
to the goal isn't the goal.

Sarah:
[42:09] Yeah talk about that yet.

Maria:
[42:10] Like the walk is the goal right so like the fact that you put your goal out there in a public space and you're willing to be vulnerable and then you're willing to take some actions and try some things to get to a spot that's the point.

Sarah:
[42:20] Yeah yeah yep yep.

Maria:
[42:22] The point is that you get into the spot I don't think and if we're going to talk about from a faith perspective,
which I love to do is like if you're a Believer setting a goal is really just being deeply in prayer with God and saying at where help me cast The Vision like I want to see through your eyes,
where you want me to be in all of these different spheres of my life and I'm going to cast this with you Jesus and I'm going to walk in that direction,
at any point in time if you don't think that I know you don't want me to get to the whatever it is the 5 pull-ups let's,
but you wanted me to grow along the way then that's the point of it.

Sarah:
[42:58] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[42:59] Point is like that we're just released from the outcome it's like we set this Vision with God,
and we say what do you want from me and what spheres you want me to walk and you might have wanted you to the 5 pull-ups because the girl you're going to be practicing next to she needed a friend and now you're her friend,
in a season of her life where she didn't have anybody so he didn't really care about your 5 Pull-Ups,
ever you needed you to be over here being on his mission but you set the vision with him so you said that goal based on the vision that you prayerfully considered with God and so you're released from the outcomes I always said people set the goal,
take the steps and Release Yourself in the outcome.

Sarah:
[43:33] Yeah that's so good.

Maria:
[43:34] It is not up to you to get to the outcome like you could you could even do all the right things and not get the outcome,
so like then does this was the goal of failure I don't like that I don't like that concept to me don't tell mad I said I know.

Sarah:
[43:45] No I won't know but I think it's that whole that classic there's joy in the journey and like you said and sometimes it is proving to yourself you can do something so even if you get to the 5 pull-ups it's just like man I set a goal,
and I accomplished something and sometimes those little steps like even whatever it is is huge and so.

Maria:
[44:02] Releasing you something from in your heart or your own confidence wow I got to something I never thought I could release me from this idea that I feel like I'm not qualified.

Sarah:
[44:09] Yes yes so men listening go get your any females in your life get them connected,
to Maria so we don't want to but there's so many great things really,
you guys got to go follow her it is super encouraging I do not say that it is you do a really great job about putting positivity out there in the clothes are super cute and that's why I love you've got it for all I mean just nitty-gritty so something let's go check it out,
all sizes all different I mean.

Maria:
[44:34] We always try our best to get all sizes and there's a lot of stuff like there's a lot of stuff sometimes I can get leggings and up to 2/3 x I try to go like from extra small to 3x,
sometimes I'm Bound by the vendor sometimes it's only small a large it depends on the item but we're always seeking out stuff so don't be afraid to ask me to if you're in the group say hey I'm looking on this side and I'm looking for this I love to find it for you,
so that's what I like to do.

Sarah:
[44:54] And you have like a I love a wide range of style you have accessories all kind mean you put out so many different things so you guys really need to go check it out gifts Christmas is coming.

Maria:
[45:01] Thank you yes lots of Christmas gifts.

Sarah:
[45:04] Yes and Marie has been posting sweaters and I may or may not have to stop buying things on there because will is going to be he he's not going to be happy that you're really on this pocket though.

Maria:
[45:09] I'm not husband's.

Sarah:
[45:15] That's all right but it's good and I think there's so much like I said just being confident in what you're wearing and that's what you're sharing with people and it's huge it's so much more about the clothes there are then the clothes but just how you feel in them and,
wait is express yourself in I think it's super cool,
keep that up Maria I love it I love it I love it we'll make sure to link all that to for you guys listening to find everything and they can go check it out okay do you want to talk for a little bit about Nat you guys call our it's Natalie but you call her Nat G.

Maria:
[45:41] We call her a g that's mad as a mad thing and she who he called her and she out of the like right out of the gate.

Sarah:
[45:43] I love it really.

Maria:
[45:46] And everybody started calling her Nat G and she's Nat G

Sarah:
[45:50] She's adorable

Maria:
[45:52] She is really funny so we have been blessed with the gift of Nat. I always would like to say and I hadn't felt that way for you know at first because I thought there was so many things as a young mother first-timer you're scared of so like when you're a little baby isn't meeting certain things or like,
doesn't feel like a blessing this isn't like a blessing but.

Sarah:
[46:08] Yeah can you tell a little bit about story so I mean like out of the get-go.

Maria:
[46:12] So yeah I got pregnant with Natalie pretty quickly after a miscarriage so the entire pregnancy itself was just like a what's going on that I started hemorrhaging and like 20,
very intensely thought I miscarried her,
everything cleared up it was like the weirdest thing and I have like a wonderful rest of my pregnancy it was very bizarre so we were like feeling very peaceful everything was measuring fine inside like I mean,
all that kind of stuff was pretty good,
she when we when I went into labor she came out with like an initial really low APGAR so that's the scorer for people that having a baby is that you your baby gets a sign right when they come out but then within a minute or two it went up to a normal,
number like reassessed and went up so I was like okay she came out blue but then she saw the rat not really sure,
what really happened there but we've been told that that has nothing to do with what's going on now but she was already it was a genetic thing that was already,
so around six seven months,
she had set up on time she was a kind of low Tom but we didn't really know because we never had a baby before so we're like you know and our Pedro is be like oh she's a little low tone but some kids are low down for a while,
she sat up on time she rolled over so I'm like this the same is that okay maybe she might need some PT you know.

Sarah:
[47:30] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[47:32] When she's like one so about one she hadn't crawled at all and I'm like you know and even Pediatrician was like all right let's get in PT I'll do some stuff and,
she never was able to bear weight on her hands and knees like that she never has - she had never stood up yet either and obviously didn't walk because you can sit up and,
then that's what we're just like okay well maybe it's going to be delayed and sometimes I've been talking to some people like oh yeah that have been my kids he was two or three before they started walking and I'm like she's going to be okay and I'm like okay great kept tearing really good positive stories,
well things just kept progressing and getting like a little bit more intense and intense and intense and and she was about,
two for her second birthday we were just like well in Fast Forward I had gotten pregnant again and had Zack.

Sarah:
[48:18] Yeah yeah they do have a second child in there he's adorable to the.

Maria:
[48:22] By the way so cuz I didn't think any of this is genetic I was told that it was this is initially when we still thought it was maybe had to do with birth and she would be fine and like.

Sarah:
[48:29] Okay cuz how far apart are they.

Maria:
[48:31] They're... 20 months.

Sarah:
[48:35] Okay okay.

Maria:
[48:37] So we had thought like whatever is I didn't even think of it being genetic to be honest with you.

Sarah:
[48:41] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[48:42] So because neither of our families had anything like this and and it wasn't that progressed at when I got pregnant so I didn't really know so,
she's about to be two I had just had back about two months earlier and things are just were just like not it's not going anywhere so we were able to get into therapeutic program here in St Louis I would be try to get into and if you guys know Matt and I,
we were just like oh let's go to St. Louis for a little bit and like whatever we're like sell the house pack it up we going.

Sarah:
[49:11] So you literally okay that's what made.

Maria:
[49:13] We sold our house in four weeks,
sack of our house we moved we love the my parent we didn't have anywhere to live we looked at my parents house for while we built we built out here in O'Fallon and,
it took a lot longer than I said I was going to take so we didn't move until October sweep up with my parents from March to October which is like I've always lived on my own so I'm like.

Sarah:
[49:33] Nat G and a brand new baby okay.

Maria:
[49:34] With Nat G and a brand new baby and like my poor mom and she wasn't ready for it,
and yeah so like we're just still trying to like what is all this and so we got into starting seeing all the good neuros here and,
unknown unbeknownst to us like St. Louis is the place to be for anything related to neuromuscular disorder.

Sarah:
[49:53] Okay wow that's good to know.

Maria:
[49:55] Um
so we're like doing and we got one neuro wanted us to do all this genetic testing really alright whatever so doing it all and like still trying to figure out what's going on with her and he had thrown around some really scary things to us and we're like we never looked those up or saw those like,
my mega well,
anyway so fast forward like we're in the ICU six times so that kind of speeds of everybody who's on her doctors teens like they all want to know what's going on like this isn't making sense what's happening and all this kind of stuff.

Sarah:
[50:24] In the ICU visits work she was she got sick to or like yeah okay.

Maria:
[50:26] They were long till she get RSV or something and then I would take her then she get RSV pneumonia and next seven other viruses because her body would just like,
and it would just be from getting a cold like we would all have had the same cold in our house and it just knocked her out.

Sarah:
[50:36] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[50:38] And so she wasn't feeding so now she's feeding by a tube wasn't feeding by a tube yet but she also can eat by mouth it's just that like sometimes things get caught,
aspirate or whatever so that's more the store anyway so she,
I think it was our final ICU visit this year right before covid-19 thing we got the results back of her genetic test and they did this is like the third the third dig the Third,
deep dive into it which I learned all these things like you do one layer and you'll usually you find your answer there if you don't you dig a little bit deeper.

Sarah:
[51:10] Oh wow okay.

Maria:
[51:11] And if you don't you dig a little bit deeper so you're going to all these like,
so many jeans and they found this one thing that I guess 17 people have and it all adds up to this she's got a mutation on a PYROXD 1 gene which is a very which causes a very rare form of muscular dystrophy,
so she is actually the most one of the worst I could say worst cases of it and earliest onset,
and it's Progressive so like all of those things right so oh no wonder we were like not seeing a lot of progress in therapy because it's getting its Progressive for her,
most of our people don't hit doesn't hit them till they're in their 30s maybe their teens some kids like 10/9/11.

Sarah:
[51:48] Okay okay yeah.

Maria:
[51:50] Hers is she never had that ability so part of my mama heart gets really upset because it's like was I mean you know.

Sarah:
[51:59] Yeah.

Maria:
[51:59] Try not to sit stay there too long I've gone to,
sat with that with God and said I whatever her life is you have a purpose for it and I am here for that purpose of it and she's your daughter more than she's my daughter and I know you want good things for her so if you decide that,
world isn't the good thing for her.

Sarah:
[52:20] Hmm then I got to be okay with it yeah.

Maria:
[52:20] Then I got to be okay with it and she she's just a fun and and sometimes I think that people that don't have faith I've had,
have made me feel like I'm being passive In My Daughter's Care and I.

Sarah:
[52:36] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[52:38] I've said about it cuz I'm like he he knew what he was doing when he put her together and like this is she is able to walk into a room and make a statement,
she's able to walk into a room and she talks about Jesus and she shares with people about it and she prays to him and all of these things and like I can't tell you how many conversations we've had how many people's faiths have been changed by seeing this dot this little girl that if she wasn't in that situation,
some people might not know Jesus the way they know Jesus and the whole point of this world is for us to point to him and to glorify him.

Sarah:
[53:05] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[53:06] And that's happening more than ever in her little,
so whatever that it however long that is here on Earth like that's not up to me but I can make the best of it doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for therapies and things that will help her cope.

Sarah:
[53:18] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[53:19] But I'm not like going to sit there and abuse her through a hundreds of things that are going to poke holes in her.

Sarah:
[53:23] Yeah.

Maria:
[53:25] Just so that I is a mom feel more comfortable does it make sense.

Sarah:
[53:27] Yeah absolutely yet.

Maria:
[53:29] Me yeah I want to be yeah I want her to do all those things but like at what cost right.

Sarah:
[53:33] Right right.

Maria:
[53:35] And so I think that that's the the journey we've been walking this last year is like,
is watching her like kind of mature into her faith in her story and she owns it she's got more confidence than I ever would in anything.

Sarah:
[53:47] Can you tell us a Nat G story - because this is literally incredible like when you.

Maria:
[53:51] Come out it wasn't obvious so I mean there's the first one that happened was when my mom was we were gone and my mom was watching her and she was on the shade her monitor my mom's come back my mom's recording with,
recording her phone the mutt recording a video of the monitor through her phone like this,
to me she's like she is talking to Jesus right now she was two she just turned two,
and saying very specific things and things we haven't like you know sometimes kids pray and ways you've told him to pray things we haven't said to her to say in like,
so they're like that's kind of the start of it and then she has this ability to like,
know when people believe or don't believe which is very bizarre Matt and I are like very were very kind of we're a little weirded out by it at first to be honest with you like I was kind of weird.

Sarah:
[54:34] I mean she's I mean we're talking about it.

Maria:
[54:35] And so like she was she would know who was the believer and who wasn't in like it was very interesting to me because,
we would she does not know in our family who and who whatever it's a weird thing but she wants to share Jesus with everybody so like she'll talk about him she'll you know what I mean like all,
staff and like she always will be in we've been in the hospital a lot,
and sometimes she'll just turn to me and be like Jesus is here he's with some of these kids right now Mom and I'm like I know you know what I mean I know that but I don't know well,
actually I knew it my head but not my heart but thank you for bringing it down to my heart is that I feel it but just like you know she'll say that you know she's felt it he told her this like,
last night Jesus told me this like when she's in the hospital and places like that and she'll want to go back and pray for those kids and let them know that somebody's there it's crazy but she's is also socially for somebody who's in her situation she's in a wheelchair - in her situation like,
after COVID may feel like I haven't seen kids all the stuff we got church opens back up kids ministry and so she's in her wheelchair for the first time at church and she just like by Mom I'm going to class like wheels are in she's a want me to come up to the door,
flies in on her wheelchair and I'm like she does not need me I need her she doesn't need me you know that's how I feel.

Sarah:
[55:46] It's awesome it's like God knew and I love these stories it's like maybe her physical muscles do not work in the same way,
but her spiritual muscles are like on a whole 'nother level because like you'll just tell the stories on my oh my gosh that gives me God bumps are just it's encouraging and,
and I know you guys have to be in the place you are with your faith to be able to say that and that's huge and I know you just sharing what you shared,
is going to encourage people listening because all of you listening you know you've got fill in the blank with XY and Z that's really hard,
and we talk a lot about here it's our whole thing of like me and see the good and that there is extraordinary and the everyday ordinary and we get to choose our perspective and you and Matt could be
in a totally different perspective headset with everything going on because it's hard
it's hard you wouldn't have chose this for your story you probably wouldn't choose it for your daughter but that God is doing so much in and threw it in your heart and perspective with it I think is super encouraging everybody listening that God can do,
infinitely more than we can ever hope ask or imagine and he's doing that every day in our lives and it's are we going to surrender it to him and so.

Maria:
[56:49] That's good and I think yeah because I think that this is the biggest lesson I've learned is we all know you know the consider it Joy you know,
trials like we've heard that or so long but to me like in the last two years of her story I have learned my heart has learned the difference between Joy,
it's like to me it's like I'm not happy like I don't want to know when to get like and I tell some people this that are in my life just as I'm like I want you to know that I'm not happy.

Sarah:
[57:14] Mmm.

Maria:
[57:15] Bring to my daughter I'm very sad about it I'm often times,
mad about it I'm upset for her I'm set for me if that means I have to lose her one day like,
I am upset mad angry I'm all these things that don't resonate with happiness,
but I'm always joyful because Joy is found in Jesus right so it's like I know without a shadow of a doubt whether I'm angry mad sad or whatever about it,
it doesn't diminish The Joy because I know that there's purpose and what's happening with her and so I had to real my heart really kind of wrestled with the difference and it really feels it.

Sarah:
[57:48] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[57:50] Like just because I'm happy that mean I don't have joy I just hope I'm not having as many table joy and I do have joy and sometimes I'm sad and I have joy you know like that's just sometimes how it has to work out.

Sarah:
[58:00] Let's talk about this a little more because I think that's huge because I think often times I think we might have had this conversation more that we feel like we have to check our emotions at the door when it comes to Jesus,
he made them all if we believe he was really human which we do he experienced all of them while he was here in human form it's like God can handle the anger the sadness the mad that happy the all of the things at the same time but oftentimes we're the ones that feel like,
well I can't come to Jesus because I'm mad or what and it's like hey he's sitting here with us in there so can you talk a little more about like what has that been like for you to wrestle with,
all of the feelings and the joy and are there things that you cling to in that time or things that you found that helped encourage that or I think a lot of people will resonate with that.

Maria:
[58:41] Yeah there's a couple things I mean for me first and foremost like marriage has been a blessing because here's the deal like,
if I can't go to my I guess sometimes I think about like my relationship with God is like mayor so my motion with Matt my husband,
is it like a small glimpse at the relationship I have with God right so it's like when I'm all these feelings if I don't go to my husband with them it's only going to make the relationship worse,
so like if I don't do that with God then it's not going to be a fruitful relationship.

Sarah:
[59:11] So good.

Maria:
[59:12] And while he already unlike Matt he already knows what I feel.

Sarah:
[59:16] Man who might be a little.

Maria:
[59:17] Yeah my Overlook it he already knows what I feel it's like can you imagine like it's like it's not dishonest but it's like not being vulnerable in your relationship so,
I think we have to think of our relationship with God like we would with our husbands our significant others or whatever but like magnified so it's like why would you not want and I always remind myself bring it to him like go,
feeling he already knows it but like that's part of the relationship building I think they're so that is one thing that really really really helps me another thing is like,
well there's this concept especially for moms of this like there's like all these cute Graphics that go around that say like you know you are enough.

Sarah:
[59:54] Yeah.

Maria:
[59:55] And I'm enough my shit tell your girls there enough you know,
and I don't want to ruffle any feathers but I really hate that and I think for me a big thing that's helped me cope with all of this,
I'm not enough and I wasn't supposed to be enough in fact if I'm enough that I'm missing geez.

Sarah:
[1:00:14] Yeah then you don't need him.

Maria:
[1:00:16] I'm enough with him and I mean that is the truth right like that's for all like that is why he came so that we could be enough.

Sarah:
[1:00:23] Mmm yep.

Maria:
[1:00:24] Be filled with the spirit and go and do things in his name to glorify him,
this idea that like it's I think I'm sorry about last night on I was like I'm an impact group for Fearless woman.

Sarah:
[1:00:36] That that's awesome that's so cool.

Maria:
[1:00:38] I was looking at the roller coaster of enough so like today I'm enough tomorrow I'm not enough today I'm enough tomorrow night because my I'm In the Flesh that's how I feel some days,
I go but that's so unhealthy so I just hate this whole concept of the enough things I'm like I don't want to tell my friends there enough I don't want to tell myself I'm enough because you're not enough I'm not enough,
I want to tell you that you're enough when you're with Jesus and you can always be enough when he's with you like that's that's the truth because in my flesh I will always be chasing it if not,
I'd rather chase him than chase the "enoughness" of the world and that's just like so as a mom I'm like as a mom of a special-needs kid especially unlike I'm never sometimes I'm like how can I I don't know what to do to help,
you know what Maria you're not enough but you're enough through Jesus.

Sarah:
[1:01:19] Yes yes.

Maria:
[1:01:20] Whip you with the doctors you need he's going to help you with it at the moment the right people you need in your life the right Church the right friends the right family the right community,
and he's going to do all that to help you feel enough in those moments with all the people not you solo Maria enough but you Maria Plus,
your community enough like that God has ordained for your life so like that is what it is and I don't know I just I just don't like the I don't like all those like.

Sarah:
[1:01:48] I think that's a yes.

Maria:
[1:01:49] Bracelets that you know and I get it I think I even had one like a year ago and I'm like but recently I just feel like I hate it.

Sarah:
[1:01:52] Well but let's be honest there's a fine line between like the self-motivation and the Jesus motivation and our world has captured.

Maria:
[1:02:00] True I want you to feel like you shouldn't tell you can't do something like you're not enough to do like you are qualified yes we should change it to I'm qualified in Christ to go and do.

Sarah:
[1:02:08] Yes yet it's I'm enough because Jesus is enough but if you just put the if you take the Jesus out then it what's the point,
looks like it's not enough and she said some so you said I want a man will I know will wrote it down but I have to want Jesus,
Jesus is more than enough I have to want Jesus more than I want the world's enough and that's so so good and that's a hard I mean.

Maria:
[1:02:31] It's taking a long time.

Sarah:
[1:02:32] Maria I'm getting older and I still I mean like that is a struggle I don't,
yeah I don't think it's probably a struggle we will have always This Side of Heaven but it's that surrender piece that you talked about her I mean just like man am I gonna want,
Jesus and I can do this better and he and I will always do it better than me on my own every single time but often times we try to do it on our own.

Maria:
[1:02:52] Oh yeah I've been trying to do it on my own for a long.

Sarah:
[1:02:54] Can your like that didn't go so well.

Maria:
[1:02:57] I was hitting my head too many times well I think to and that's that's all that eludes back to the Empower business that's like that's the first time I let him guide me sometimes I'm like I'm going to try this because I don't want to do this and I will try this because I wanted and it's the first time when I was like,
I'm like I'm supposed to do this and I really don't know if I want to I don't feel comfortable doing this and that's like he's like this is perfect this is exactly she doing there was people that kept coming in my life being like you should do this you should do this and I'm like why is everybody telling me this all of a sudden I really I like it I like the idea of it,
but I also am very scared of it I don't want to do that it's not comfortable for me.

Sarah:
[1:03:28] Yeah right.

Maria:
[1:03:30] And so I think sometimes when we start to be like well I'm not enough but he's enough,
he gave me 25 people that told me that he they went to them and they they are part of their going to be part of this so together we're all going to be enough with Jesus with him with all the it's like that element of like.

Sarah:
[1:03:43] I love it yes.

Maria:
[1:03:46] Better it's like of course you're going to I don't know I think when.

Sarah:
[1:03:49] Do you have a shirt that says that yet I feel like that might.

Maria:
[1:03:50] No maybe I might need.

Sarah:
[1:03:52] I'm not enough but Jesus is enough or something like I think you need.

Maria:
[1:03:55] There's going to be something in there I like that.

Sarah:
[1:03:56] Maybe put it on your - 'cause say a real quick in your your boutique you have a line and I'm still figuring with about Nat G right.

Maria:
[1:04:03] Yeah so let your fight shine so that came from and that's a very like to me so let your light shine like This Little Light of Mine,
fun little song growing up my mom always loves the idea of shine she always say us shine on and like this idea of shining and Shining your light and all this stuff so for me it was like,
but when you have a struggle we always try to hide it and it has lots of them power and with Nat G it's like but what if we took that like would have took that struggle,
and we let the struggle shine people will come to you you feel vulnerable there's all these things at the beauty that comes out of like people being like here's what I'm struggling with,
and I mean think about it it's like how can you not love on somebody when they're being vulnerable with their struggle,
and so I think people like Nat people want to love on her because every day she has to be vulnerable with her struggle, so the let your fight shine was part of like that's what it's she inspired me to that because everyday this little girl lets her fight shine,
would our lives be if we like listen to that lesson of like wow,
thing that dark thing that I'm struggling with like what if I let that shine and said like shared that like that's why I share my eating disorder it's why I share different things that are dark in my stories,
I got to let the fight part of it Shine because that's where Jesus came and did all the cleanup that's what he did the work that's where he you know that's letting him shine ultimately in our fight it's like when you know when we're our weakest he shines that he shines the greatest and it's because we know it's not us.

Sarah:
[1:05:26] Yeah absolutely.

Maria:
[1:05:29] So that's why I like that concept so much and so I have done a couple pieces and we're going to do another one next month,
and I'll let your fight shine probably it's going to be a sweatshirt thing but we just,
yeah we let me donate to Muscular Dystrophy and her name and,
it's been really it's been really cool and the m.d.a here in St Louis is such a great chapter and they've been so cool and awesome and I don't know if I told you this is while the story I joined this gym out of nowhere,
and they moved here,
because it was close to the house we were building and I'm a crossfitter by like that's my favorite thing to do is I like CrossFit this was a boot camp this is not anything like CrossFit,
and I was like I'm gonna get my free two weeks until I figure out what the next you know I'll just do a free two weeks and get some good cardio and I hate cardio and so I was like whatever,
I was at the gym for a year and a half that's where I met that Jim is what literally helped grow in power,
Jim is my closest friends and my life now I don't go I don't currently go anymore but it was a such a big part of my story it's the most beautiful community,
and that is so the weird part with the with muscular dystrophy is when I started there they were raising money for a muscular.

Sarah:
[1:06:40] Oh my goodness.

Maria:
[1:06:41] They do that we didn't know she had muscular dystrophy.

Sarah:
[1:06:43] Yeah.

Maria:
[1:06:43] That's why we moved here to do all the things unfolded so I'm like and then about right right when we found out that she had a neuromuscular related disorder but we didn't know it was just for you,
they were doing this big fundraiser thing there and they asked me to speak on the experience of it of,
with like muscular issues and we still didn't fully Know Her diagnosis and it's just so crazy that I found out that I know this is why I was a member there and like that Community was so supportive and is such a beautiful Community but like it's so funny how all those things mean together,
St Louis m.d.a chapter was a part of that Jim and I didn't know how much I was going to need them and how much that that would play into my story and,
those girls that I'm friends with had a heart for the m.d.a before they knew that might their their new friend had a daughter with muscular dystrophy who like it's just a crazy and you think like man I don't know why I'm stepping into that you know you go somewhere every day like,
why am I walking into this place I don't know but you find out later on and I just think it's a cool thing.

Sarah:
[1:07:39] You never know how the guide connections are going to come Maria so many things we've covered a lot.

Maria:
[1:07:45] And I'm sorry.

Sarah:
[1:07:46] No it's so good it's you have shared so many great thing so but just well do you have anything else you want share with us before you I've got one last question to ask you but,
you've done so good okay so because the show is called now that something good we always ask people what is something good to you I mean like I said there's no qualifier can be whatever that what's something.

Maria:
[1:08:06] Something good in my life like right now like that I'm liking or like something what does that mean to be.

Sarah:
[1:08:08] Sure it can be a good a good story a good thing a good product I don't I mean like.

Maria:
[1:08:12] Gosh you're so many things.

Sarah:
[1:08:16] You can share a couple if you want.

Maria:
[1:08:18] I'm trying to think of what my favorite one to share would be right now.

Sarah:
[1:08:22] Let me can I ask you one good things and that's it so you can share another one but just inquiring minds into no I mean what's going to be on trend for fall 2020 what are you seeing with the boutique because y'all like.

Maria:
[1:08:31] So it's really straight so like snake print is really big this year leopard is going to be a little below for fall and like they're throwing them like they're your it's going to be your typical neutral so cam you camel color as your blacks your inner cream and all that but they're throwing in like fuchsia and lime green,
one piece and everybody's collection you're like feels like it's coming out of left field but I'm seeing it like it a bunch of different vendors.

Sarah:
[1:08:52] Wow okay.

Maria:
[1:08:53] Sure thing but the same styles are happening they're just changing colors and stuff they're not doing like they're same chunky sweaters and your leggings and your jeans is all the same stuff and but just like a couple different color and leopards kind of dying out a little.

Sarah:
[1:09:06] Now I'm going to buy new shoes.

Maria:
[1:09:07] Which we would all I know I still like leopard you and I wouldn't say that it's like going away it's just that I think people are.

Sarah:
[1:09:14] It's been it's been for a few years.

Maria:
[1:09:15] Third maybe they're getting like they want a little bit so snake is really big right now yeah so if you like the snake print okay so sorry I lost my train of thought.

Sarah:
[1:09:21] What's your I'm sorry.

Maria:
[1:09:23] No you're good you're good something has I feel like my favorite thing to do is like plug products that I like and plug things I.

Sarah:
[1:09:30] Yeah yeah.

Maria:
[1:09:31] So I'm trying to think of more of a like a local fun thing that I really like to do well I will I will always plug,
like so Fitness is obviously.

Sarah:
[1:09:42] Yeah yeah yeah tell yeah.

Maria:
[1:09:43] So if you're a local person like for me I love a good Community more than a good workout so like I will always be drawn to the community,
I'm currently a member of that 45 in O'Fallon,
um and I to me it's I've never met a class where I was able to do all the fun Maria strength you things but they also like do cardio you should have so I love that and I love a community of people that are encouraging that are going to coach me through stuff that are going to be a part of,
they want to be a part of life with you like it's not just like walk into your workout and get out it's like people that are actually encouraging,
people that are actually like they're for the journey it's a really fun thing to do and so I always like to share when I'm part of a good Community like that cuz Community to me trumps everything else in life like if you can have a good Community I will show up for anything.

Sarah:
[1:10:28] That's huge.

Maria:
[1:10:29] So that is that is a really really big thing for me to to do so that's why I said that's that's definitely something good like,
I don't know I to that's my everyday sort of good that's like what I go.

Sarah:
[1:10:41] Yeah that's good will link them to because they're coming up everywhere there's actually a brand new one coming up right here by the church by the fire truck.

Maria:
[1:10:48] Yeah they're they're opening their North O'Fallon they're yeah.

Sarah:
[1:10:50] Okay there you go so wherever you're I think they're all over st. Charles.

Maria:
[1:10:54] They're all over so,
Wentzville Lake st. Louis st. Charles O'Fallon on K well they're going to both be on K - north O'Fallon on K and then sorry,
south O'Fallon on K and then more North on K towards Target is the one I go to,
because you're welcome to come too and I three-week trial anybody but yes that and then also I talked about this a little bit so I want to plug this book because it's been like really great for me I talked about the idea of not enough and there's a book called You're Not Enough (and that's okay),
by Allie Beth Stuckey and, spoiler alert, it's about Jesus.

Sarah:
[1:11:28] Spoiler alert.

Maria:
[1:11:30] So it's really good it's making me think critically in different and challenging me in new ways because,
we didn't want any of this but I think Matt didn't his podcast like my entire background is like the self-growth e-world the Dale Carnegie Napoleon Hill like I've done in red everything I've taught it I've listened to it like I can tell you all about it,
and part of my undoing of like a lot of stuff about my relation with Jesus coming to that was undoing a lot of like the self-growth you stuff that I idolized,
and so that taught me things like that but like how to be more personally successful in personal,
and I had to reframe a lot of that in my head and so this book helps me like really helps me come to that like,
but I just talked about how the idea that we're not you know we're not enough and it's okay to not be enough but also kind of undoing some of those elements of like,
the the self-love culture the like all of that kind of stuff that like you would that I was,
brought up thinking like that's good and it it there are certain points where it's okay but like what is the main point of it all and so I will I always love a good book I will always plug a good book so that's my other something good.

Sarah:
[1:12:41] I love that will definitely.

Maria:
[1:12:42] It was a hot pink cover so it's really cute.

Sarah:
[1:12:46] Well you know I'm there for that so I definitely buying that book sorry guys.

Maria:
[1:12:48] So I'm not gonna lie when I saw it I got it I was going to buy it because that looks cute.

Sarah:
[1:12:53] Hey you know what that's alright they happen sometimes awesome well Maria thank you so much for being here today it's been great.

Maria:
[1:12:58] Yeah thank you it's really fun I love to chat.

Sarah:
[1:13:02] Thanks.