Relationships: Ron and Debi Cathcart, Part 1

In this episode you’ll hear part one of our conversation with the Cathcarts. With over 44 years knowing each other and 33 years of marriage, Ron and Debi know a thing or two about relationships! You’ll hear the story of Debi’s resistance, Ron’s persistence, and how they finally came together after 11 years of pursuit. We have plenty of laughs and smiles - if only you could see how they interacted together in the studio!

But theirs is a story not just of romance, but one of maturity, compromise, and the power of setting clear, healthy boundaries. No matter what kind of relationships you carry this episode will bring you laughter, conviction, and hope! 

Favorite quotes from the episode:

Ron: “Good marriages don’t just happen by accident. They’re just a lot of hard work.”

Debi: “There has never been a question of his commitment.”

Ron on setting boundaries with members of the opposite sex: 

• “Don’t put yourself in the situation of being alone with another man/woman who is not your husband/wife.”
• “If you build your walls up high enough and far enough you never have to worry about being in a bad place.”

Debi: “It’s hard to learn to live with somebody else and all their indiosyncracies.”

Ron on wedding days: “You have no idea what you’re about to get into. And there’s no way you can.”

Fun things from the episode:

Ron and Debi met at First Baptist Church in Arnold, MO

Debi went to Fox High School

Ron went to Lindbergh High School

Debi had an internship at Missouri Baptist Hospital

Ron mentioned Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

View this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/nZtKW58NNIo

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Transcript

Sarah:
[2:03] Hey friends welcome back to now that something good today in the studio I have our good friends Ron and Debi Cathcart say hi guys,
I'm going to give you guys a chance to introduce yourself in a minute but I just got to tell you guys listening like Ron and Debi we've been friends with them how I mean we go to 2rivers,
a long time Ron and I actually get the privilege to work together I'm not going to let him talk about that though because
I don't want him tell him stories and he doesn't want me to tell him stories on him but why don't you guys take a second and introduce ourselves individually tell us a little bit about what fills your days right now,
little bit about who you are.

Ron:
[2:39] You go first.

Debi:
[2:42] All right I'm Debi and right now I spend my days doing whatever God brings to me that day,
it could be substitute teaching I do a lot of that at Francis Howell middle school mostly and I always enjoy a day there and then,
grandkids fill at least a couple of days,
during my week and then like I said whatever else God brings my way my mom and dad right now my I try to make it down they live in Arnold Missouri and so I try to make it down there probably about once a week and so,
that almost fills up my week right there so.

Sarah:
[3:29] That's why I'm we're going to come back and talk about all those things more because you already had on Great Things I got questions about.

Ron:
[3:34] Yeah so I'm Ron and I have been married to Debi for 33 years we celebrated our 33rd anniversary.

Debi:
[3:42] Yep great 33 years right.

Ron:
[3:46] We celebrated that on February the 6th,
and actually getting ready to go away for a week we usually try to get away for a week and celebrate our anniversary every year so we're getting ready to go away for a week we're excited about that to hang out,
and,
so you know my story I'm Ron she's Debi we have four boys Carson Cameron Connor Cooper and I always say I'm Ronald Ray she's Deborah K it's Carson Ray Cameron Tray Conner Jay and Cooper Clay and we're all Cray-Cray,
if I slap the table I'm sorry and so anyway I talk with my hands you know.

Sarah:
[4:21] It's okay if there's extra noises this is why guys let's fight though.

Ron:
[4:25] No so we we have four boys we have two daughter-in-laws we have three grandkids two girls and one boy and then another little boy grand baby on the way in April,
and so that's our family that's who we are and very blessed.

Sarah:
[4:41] That's great and what is your day job Ron.

Ron:
[4:43] Yeah so my day job actually is I have the honor of being the pastor at 2rivers got to start 2rivers 22 years ago something like that and,
been doing that ever since I always tell people that I couldn't find another job so I had to start my own church because I couldn't find one to hire me,
which is not really true but what a what a journey that has been honestly never thought,
I would be in one place as long as I have been but it's been a great blessing and so I do Sarah get to work with you and that's always a blessing and we have a great team and,
so yeah that's what fills my days is being a part of the team at 2rivers.

Sarah:
[5:23] I love it well I'm really excited that you guys are here to talk and share with us so we're making February kind of like relationship month just talking about all the things and it's really quite,
I mean a miraculous thing that you guys have been married 33 years for a lot of reasons and.

Debi:
[5:39] What are you saying Sarah.

Sarah:
[5:40] No I I'm think I know Rhonda.

Ron:
[5:42] She s exactly what she's saying she's like how did you I.

Debi:
[5:45] Funny.

Sarah:
[5:48] No but but in today's world a lot of marriages I mean it's still over 50%
end in divorce and a lot of people don't even get married today it's just a whole lot of things with that and so we wanted to take time to religious talk about that so
I want you to bring us way back to the beginning days of Ron and Debi and Debi I'm going to ask you to tell the story first but how did you and run me like just tell us
all these details.

Debi:
[6:14] Well I'm greed or woman at church I love to meet new people,
and I love people and I was a greeter girl at First Baptist Churchill
back when I was 13 and we had this new person show up to youth group and the youth pastor brought him over and introduced him to me and so that was our first,
meeting.

Sarah:
[6:43] Debi I gotta ask you a question because I've heard it's a little unfair friends that I know a little bit of Ron and Debi stortford from this and so I,
often get to hear Ron tell this story because Ron speaks from our stage most Sundays and so he tells some of these stories but Debi I really feel like we need to hear from you like what did you really think of Ron then like was there any,
I need the true-true details true thoughts on.

Debi:
[7:05] Well you know he was a new boy at church he was and he was kind of cute but.

Sarah:
[7:10] I'm going to need pictures from way back in the I do.

Debi:
[7:15] I've got them actually one of my friends just sent me a bunch of pictures this week from back when we were in youth group if this was only you know what could show you some pictures but anyway.

Sarah:
[7:26] Yeah well we can post we can we'll find a way to share Debi don't.

Debi:
[7:30] But anyway that was our first meeting and I and I,
he was pretty quiet though really he was quiet.

Ron:
[7:46] Yeah well my so my version of the story is a little different in that so I do remember that my family had been going to another church in my dad said hey we're going to go to,
First Baptist Church of Arnold and so Debi's family was still pretty new down there her dad was the pastor and anyway we went to this new church and I remember standing outside the doors of the auditorium and,
I saw Debi walk through the doors and,
like for me and and yeah so when we when we,
and and so again when I tell people I was 16 at the time and she was 13 right and so my boys always when I tell their story they're like Dad that is so gross like she was only 13 years old and I'm like you didn't see your mama when she,
right like because.

Debi:
[8:40] Thirteen year old.

Ron:
[8:42] Davidson walk through the doors and I heard the horns and bells and whistles and angels of heaven singing and I'm like that's my girl,
now it took me 11 years to convince her to marry me but I knew,
then in there like it so you know what's the Rascal Flatts song God blessed the Broken Road it was it was kind of a broken road for the next 11 years but we managed to finally get it together,
seriously I did I when I saw Debi when she was 13 I was like holy cow look at that girl right there that's my girl so.

Sarah:
[9:15] Well so now we got to hear the story so what I mean you just said it took 11 years in there so like just give us the little nap like what was going on I mean obviously you weren't going to I mean I guess,
you were gonna get married at 16 and 13 you guys didn't even start date I mean like I need some fill in some details here so when did you start like dating or.

Debi:
[9:33] Okay well you know this this secret is out it's long been out but but back in the day.

Sarah:
[9:41] This is going to get so good people.

Debi:
[9:42] Back in the day you went on Church visitation.

Ron:
[9:43] Visitation Church.

Debi:
[9:47] Church visitation and and the youth group went out on visitation to.

Sarah:
[9:53] Okay can you tell people what that means just for people who don't.

Debi:
[9:55] If yes no context yes so Monday night was church visitation night and anybody that had visited the church on Sunday God,
a personal visit if they filled out a card and put it in you know in the plate they got a personal visit and if there were teenagers that had visit visited the church they got visited,
so we would always go to church visitation very quickly Ron started it's a jerk visitation for the Youth.

Ron:
[10:33] Been wholly for a long.

Sarah:
[10:34] That's that's it yes that's it wrong.

Debi:
[10:35] Hey and running I would go out on visitation together to make our visits.

Ron:
[10:44] Is more to the story.

Debi:
[10:45] Don't go there dude.

Sarah:
[10:53] Is there something else we need to know about church and visitation.

Ron:
[10:56] To the address of the person like sometimes I would go other places.

Debi:
[11:00] Yes.

Sarah:
[11:01] Ron you were.

Debi:
[11:02] So that's a term that probably most people do.

Ron:
[11:15] Opposite of church visitation.

Sarah:
[11:18] Oh boy there we go see.

Ron:
[11:20] Well when she was only 13 her parents wouldn't let her date but I was very strategic in that hey would you like to be my visitation partner and I was old enough to drive and so we would get in the car and take off and it will see this as we're off to a horrible.

Sarah:
[11:35] Untold story is the whole reason why I don't like my kids being in youth group because I'm like I need you to watch out for my girls like that Iran does not come along.

Debi:
[11:44] Cow it ended though it was it was all part of God's wonderful miraculous plan.

Sarah:
[11:52] So you guys weren't well I guess you were technically okay well here's what I need to know so 11 years Debi did you get I mean if you were parking you are at least in some kind of relationship did you know you were in a relationship,
or was this so then why have you guys graduate high school Ron you went on you didn't stay in St Louis did you.

Ron:
[12:12] Well I know I went to Texas for a couple of years and then I actually went out to California for a few years and.

Sarah:
[12:20] You guys weren't dating in that whole time were.

Ron:
[12:22] So-so.

Debi:
[12:23] No absolutely not.

Sarah:
[12:24] Yeah there's some good stories that are going to happen in here I feel like.

Ron:
[12:27] During that time we were not dating go so go ahead you can tell you can tell the story yeah go ahead.

Debi:
[12:35] I have full permission to well you know we were in a different School District because most people that went to First Baptist Arnold,
were lived in Arnold are very close at that time now I think you know the lines are you know there's a lot of people that go to First Baptist Arnold but I won't fall I we went too far,
Ron went to Limburg so you know he could be he could be kind of you know sneaky and it wasn't long.

Sarah:
[13:05] Kind of sneaky.

Debi:
[13:08] It wasn't long before I learned that he had a girlfriend,
school and then it wasn't long after that that I learned he had a work girlfriend too so he was kind of a ladies man.

Sarah:
[13:19] You are kind of a player is what I'm actually.

Debi:
[13:21] He was the player and.

Sarah:
[13:23] Debi how did you feel about so when you found out what happened were you when you found out that this was going on.

Debi:
[13:29] Um
I recently found letters that I wrote back when I was 13 or 14 I had to I had to I had to rip them to shreds,
I wasn't being somebody said oh you should have kept those those would have been so fun to read.

Sarah:
[13:46] Were they like hate mail to Ron like I hate you you broke my heart oh Debi I wish you would not have burnt those would have been great to share yeah we should have had you bring them with you.

Debi:
[13:53] It's a read here on the nabad guess but anyway.

Sarah:
[13:58] Okay so Ron do you have anything you would like to say for yourself.

Ron:
[14:03] Rebuttal if I could make it yes and so so she always says that you know she was my church girlfriend and then I had a I had a school girlfriend and a work girlfriend and,
um but.

Debi:
[14:19] And there might be some truth.

Ron:
[14:19] What I there might have been and,
then what I say is so my wife has a hard time saying no like she says yes I tell people that's how I got her to marry me,
but they're there I mean you know my wife to this very day is quite a looker right and so back those those days like if you could get Debi Davidson to go out with you,
was that was a big deal and so there was no shortage of guys that wanted her time and attention and she couldn't say no,
and so we have this little ongoing debate right she's like I wasn't dating other guys and I'm like if a guy asks you out,
comes and picks you up at your house takes you out for dinner pays for dinner takes you to a movie pays for a movie brings you back to your house that's a date and she's like no we were just friends so we have our stories are a little bit different.

Sarah:
[15:09] Okay it gets a little hazy.

Ron:
[15:10] So what I'm trying to say is that I wasn't the only guy Debi was hanging out during that time either and so,
so yeah so the road the road was a little.

Sarah:
[15:19] The road was a it was a broken a broken road in there but okay so then what finally walk us through go back what finally was the.

Debi:
[15:29] Okay so we for me all through high school I guess we kind of dated.

Ron:
[15:37] We had a love-hate.

Debi:
[15:38] We did,
we did all through high school but he was of course out of high school from most of my high school years so but he was still around in the area,
I think he went off to Baylor my last year of high school but I do remember coming had a cousin that went to Baylor so I went to visit and so,
all through high school but then probably when I went away to college we did not date for the next four years.

Sarah:
[16:11] Oh wow okay so there was a big break in.

Debi:
[16:12] There was for four years but we were friends and he was best friends with my brother so,
every holiday when we all were home we were at church together we he was over at the house and so we were we still had that Love/Hate relationship,
although we did not date at all I mean we would talk and and,
we go on ski trips our church went on a ski trip every year and so we'd go on the ski trip and ski together and.

Sarah:
[16:43] Okay so how.

Debi:
[16:44] I would beat him down the slopes is we ski we would have some competition there on the ski slopes didn't we.

Ron:
[16:53] Yes we did.

Sarah:
[16:54] Like that probably helped your favor because Ron's kind of competitive but he likes somebody who can hold their own so that.

Debi:
[17:01] Yeah we had so we spent lots of time together in those four years and and then I graduated from college
well actually we went on a ski trip in January before I moved back home to start my internship,
I did an internship at Missouri Baptist Hospital and when we were on that ski trip he said you're moving back home and,
he said I think he was out in California at the time and he said I think I'll move back home to,
and I'm like why would you do that and he said because I'm going to marry you and I said there is not a chance in the world I would ever date or marry you.

Sarah:
[17:41] I so wish we could go back and like have YouTube like that YouTube and blogging was a thing and we could have just seen this because I would love to have seen my hat.

Debi:
[17:50] Were friends it was a I was always a fun playful back and forth probably we were both flirting you know at the time but.

Ron:
[17:59] And I did by the way moved back from California and then I asked her out on a date and she.

Debi:
[18:04] I said no for a few times but I did give in.

Ron:
[18:07] I don't need a with me we went to the top of the tower restaurant I don't know if that's still around it was out in Westport and so took her it was a pretty nice restaurant and then sat there across from her that night on our first like that was a real date,
not 16 and 13 anymore but now we're like,
much farther down the road and so I did and this was very cocky of me to do this but I did look at her at that date and I looked at her again and said,
I'm going to marry you and she laughed in my face.

Sarah:
[18:40] So Debi what finally wore you down how.

Ron:
[18:44] That's the term.

Debi:
[18:45] Truthfully a lot of prayer and,
a lot of God working in both of our hearts and and,
a lot of change and a lot of maturity to I mean you know your kid and you act one way and as you mature God changes you and and,
Ron Cathcart became a different man and I'm sure I became a different woman and so.

Ron:
[19:16] It took me 11 years after all of my player years.

Debi:
[19:21] No longer had a a.

Ron:
[19:22] Then then it took a while for me to pay Penance for her to like look hey maybe you are really different.

Debi:
[19:29] He no longer had a girlfriend at work and at school and at church I he was devoted at that point and.

Sarah:
[19:36] That's good and has been let's just State for the record has.

Debi:
[19:39] Sled State for the record I.

Sarah:
[19:41] Now on Ron is no longer.

Debi:
[19:42] There.

Sarah:
[19:44] Player for right now.

Debi:
[19:45] There is never an end truthfully there has never been a question since since we actually since we started dating,
as adults that he was committed to our relationship and that there was any.

Sarah:
[20:03] Debi I want to actually talk about this one because you brought up a great subject and a lot of relationships struggle I mean that is one of the biggest things Ron you,
the privilege and honor of getting to here and probably both of you together here a lot of people talk about their marriages being a,
stir like you have people come and I'm sure that you guys know I mean a lot of relationship issues come with either somebody,
there is some Miss relationship steps that happen with somebody else or,
they're afraid that that is going to happen can you guys just talk a little bit about what do you guys do in your marriage over the last 33 years to kind of help make sure that,
neither one of you have to question that,
you're being faithful and true to each other you guys have some things that are kind of put in place or just ways that you know like hey Ron's doing these things and you don't have to question this or vice versa run.

Debi:
[20:53] Absolutely I mean I think,
from day one of our marriage-- we talked about that stuff and just,
that and I know some people you know,
say well that just doesn't work for me but we kind of just said we are not going to ever be in situations alone with opposite sex
it's not a trust issue of each other but for one it's just,
it's for other people looking on there it might raise questions in people's minds and then it does open the door for the enemy to work and and so.

Sarah:
[21:38] It's good run what would you.

Ron:
[21:39] Yeah well that's just something that we have been very,
you know we talked about it early and it's something that was very important to us and we have seen a lot of people unfortunately make Miss steps and,
involved with somebody that was not their husband or wife
and I remember one time many years ago at 2rivers we had a situation right and I was talking there was somebody on our team that had messed up and I was talking to another pastor and he said these words he said you know,
we're only two or three bad decisions from ending up in the same place and that's the way Satan works right and so
and you know even with our team Sarah right like I'm pretty adamant about that with our team and say hey
I want you guys to be careful in like if we're all going someplace right like we don't even ride in cars to I'm like I don't and some people would look at that and say it's crazy but it's like
no don't put yourself in the situation of being alone with another man or a woman who is not your husband and wife
because it's just if you build your walls up high enough and far enough out then you don't ever have to worry about being there and,
some people would look at that and say oh that's just crazy but that's just something that we've both been really just have stuck to that since the very beginning so
that we don't ever put ourselves in those situations.

Debi:
[23:01] And my dad being a pastor that was one of his rules you know and so I watched on and saw that in their lives and I can even remember you know Mom didn't even want like,
somebody to come over and work at the house if she was alone if it was a man I mean she there they were very,
cautious and guarded in that area.

Sarah:
[23:29] And everybody gets to make that choice for themselves and that would be a conversation do you guys listening whether your,
in a dating relationship with somebody or you are married I mean part of it is just have the conversation and say I mean will and I have a deal that we know if I am going to be in a situation that's even
I text him and say pay just so you know this is the situation I'm in just so that there's never and he does the same thing with me with his work it's a little different and so
sometimes he has Co and of course there are situations and we don't want to be our world is a little different time right now and but he just always texts me like hey I've got to work,
coffee with this person but just want you to know it's just a heads up so that there's never any or somebody came to me it was like hey I saw will you all like,
there's just no worry about it and so that is a great conversation for you all listening to have with your partner or spouse to just hey just bring it out and be open about it how you guys can love each other in that and make things that work for you in your relationship,
okay so you got worn down Ron I have a really I'm going to ask you Ron about this at some point you had to officially ask Debi to marry you,
do you have a story that you would like to tell about.

Ron:
[24:31] Yeah well I do have a story so I tell people all the time Debi's not great at making decisions she's great at a lot of things but making decisions is not one of them I am a decision-maker like I you know I make decisions all day every day right like is.

[24:45] And so I was ready to get married a long time before she was and so and I really did I joke and say I wore her down and she finally said yes I'll marry you just leave me alone right,
it's a joke but it's not really a joke like I did keep like hey what's up because I'm ready and she's like I'm not ready and so,
one day she did well in fact I went away to a year of Seminary because I thought we were going to get married and then she's like no I signed a contract to teach and I'm like well I'm going to Seminary so we actually had a long distance,
dating relationship I went out to California for the summer helped work on a church plan out there I remember I was sitting in California and I said to her,
that's they had pay phones back in these days right so we don't have pay phones it's so I pulled it into this grocery store parking lot at the end of the summer I've got my truck I've got everything I own in the back of the truck,
and I pulled up to this pay phone and it was at the height to where I didn't even have to get out of my truck so I pull up to this pay phone,
grab the Payphone I call her on the phone and I'm like hey I am sitting in California and I'm at the point to where I take need to take the highway to go back to Fort Worth,
come to St Louis and,
so we talked for a little while and I said I'm coming to St Louis and it what this was not an ultimatum but I just said hey we've been doing this for a long time,
and like we need to either decide we're going to do this or we need to decide we're not going to do this and again that wasn't an ultimatum it was just like we need to move.

Sarah:
[26:15] That's a hard phone that's a hard pay phone conversation Ron that was a wait Debi had it wait hold on a second Debi are you remembering this situation up into this point the same way just.

Debi:
[26:25] Yes that that that's pretty.

Sarah:
[26:27] So what did you feel about the.

Debi:
[26:30] I remember saying you do what God's telling you to do don't come back here because of me but,
I still love you and I think God's got things for us,
and so I think that's kind of.

Ron:
[26:51] Yeah and and we.

Debi:
[26:53] But I didn't tell him what to do.

Ron:
[26:54] We had the year before done the long-distance thing with her teaching school me and Seminary and we'd see each other you know but it was its it was so hard and so anyway I was just like,
this is really hard to,
do this long-distance so I did call her and I just decided I drove my truck back to St Louis and I said I'm coming back to st. Louis for this next year and we're going to be able to date like,
see each other every day and we're going to decide because we really do need to make a decision and so anyway that was in August at the end of the summer and I drove back to St Louis and I got a job here and sometime in October
October towards the middle or end of October she looked at me one day and said,
I'm ready and I'm like you're ready for what and she said I'm ready to get married and I so you know I'm doing the Hallelujah dance so the next day I went to a jeweler and bought a ring,
and and I.

Debi:
[27:53] And then he didn't ask me for,
another my he didn't even mention it again I'm like what you've been talking about this for two and a half years now.

Sarah:
[28:05] Man to do.

Debi:
[28:07] Say okay I'm ready and then crickets you know he doesn't say another word.

Ron:
[28:13] Know that I literally the next day I went out and I bought a ring and I was just waiting to get the ring back.

Sarah:
[28:19] Okay okay.

Ron:
[28:20] So and she's like sitting there saying this guy's been begging me to marry him and now I say I'm ready.

Debi:
[28:27] Not quite.

Ron:
[28:28] Crickets and so anyway it took whatever a month for me to get the ring back and then as soon as I got the ring back,
I actually I set up a date and I was going to do the whole nice restaurant and have them bring the ring out in the desert and all those things that you know people do,
and so I had it all set up and the day so she has no clue she's actually getting mad at me,
and so they anyway I had asked her out on a date so she calls me up on the day that I'm going to ask her to marry me doesn't know it,
and she said I don't really feel that good she's like I don't really.

Sarah:
[29:01] Oh no.

Ron:
[29:02] Feel like going to a fancy restaurant I don't feel good and I'm like what can we just get together and hang out and she said yeah we can hang out I just don't feel good enough to like go to a restaurant and do all that,
and so I'm like okay I'm going to come get you,
and so I came and got her and I just put her in the car and took off she didn't know where we were going she's like where we going what are we doing and I'm just driving and so as we're driving she looks at me and she's like,
then she starts,
getting on me a little bit about hey like aren't you know I told you I'm ready to get married and I'm laughing because I'm like I'm driving towards downtown St Louis to the arch to ask her to marry me and she said.

Sarah:
[29:39] I'm trying to propose to you.

Ron:
[29:40] Saying why aren't you asking,
right it's so anyway I drove downtown I parked I went over I got underneath the arch and I actually gave a corny speech I got down on one knee and I'm like,
this is my city this is my,
born here this is the arch there's the ball stadium the st. Louis Cardinals play their like I gave this really corny speech and I'm down on my knees,
and she thinks I'm playing around she's like get up off your knees,
and and so I took her hand and stuck it in my coat pocket and that's where the ring box was and she pulled the ring box and then she realized I was being serious and I opened the ring box and asked her to marry me underneath the arch.

Sarah:
[30:21] Wow.

Debi:
[30:22] Oh sweet and so then.

Ron:
[30:23] And so then and at that time there was a little McDonald's that was it was a real,
but it was a McDonald's that was on the riverfront and so like there was nobody else there because it was all pretty impromptu because my plan had fallen apart and so we like walked over and got a cup of coffee,
at the McDonald's and she's showing the guy behind the counter look we just got engaged.

Sarah:
[30:43] That's awesome that's great,
Well Ron I was a good that's a good store I'm proud of you that we didn't have to like shame you on the podcast that you had a horrible proposal story or something so thank you for that's good okay so you guys get married,
we're moving right along so this is the question I want to ask because we got it we've got 33 years to cover here and we just got to the marriage part this is,
so you guys are really known I mean 44-year if he said 11 years,
guys that's a lot that's that's huge you've way had more than like what 3/4 of your lives to know each other and that's kind of something.

Ron:
[31:19] So so here let me do the math for you.

Sarah:
[31:22] Trying to tell ask how old you are.

Ron:
[31:23] We don't we're not weird about our age so I was 16 she was 13 I'm 60 she's 57.

Sarah:
[31:31] That's yeah.

Ron:
[31:32] That's where we're at right now so we've known each other for a long long time yeah.

Sarah:
[31:35] Wow that's really cool okay so first year of marriage I kind of love so like if you can think back to those first early years now I feel like you probably had with knowing each other for 11 years probably worked out a few of the.

Debi:
[31:50] Oh maybe you would just be wrong.

Ron:
[31:54] Yeah.

Sarah:
[31:56] I feel like I was trying to give Ron some credit that maybe,
some of this stuff but can you just tell her like what were some of the early years like of Ron and Debi's marriage.

Debi:
[32:06] Actually I was talking to a young single girl yesterday and we were we were talking about this and I not eat any even about this but just talking about how,
how hard marriage is I mean it's working,
any even if it's wonderful and I know there's couples out there God bless them that just say oh we had no problems and we never argue and.

Sarah:
[32:33] I think they're lying Debi.

Debi:
[32:35] I kind of think they're lying or else they just,
don't communicate but anyway anyway I what is so funny is I remember I was telling her yesterday I said what's so funny as I remember one time,
somebody saying well how was your first year of marriage and rhyme was like oh my goodness it was great we and I was like what are you talking.

Sarah:
[32:59] In the same relationship for the last.

Debi:
[33:01] Marriage are you talking about because it was hard it was so stinking hard but I mean nothing,
it just it's just hard to learn to live with somebody else and all their idiot idiosyncrasies whatever just he was a quiet man,
an introverted man that needed his quiet time I was,
somebody that just wanted to hang out at night when he got home and chit chat about our whole day and and talked about what we wanted to eat for dinner and.

Sarah:
[33:41] And you weren't having that Ron you didn't want to talk about all those things.

Ron:
[33:43] Um no no I I didn't really that's that's not.

Debi:
[33:49] So-so.

Ron:
[33:53] What she's saying is we had a really different picture of what it was going to look like when we both came home from work.

Sarah:
[34:01] Yes so we talked about in our last episode I mean it's expectations right picture expectation so can you I'm going to ask each and what has been and you can count from either the beginning years or all the 33 years what has been one of the biggest X,
Tisha no adjustments of what you thought maybe marriage would look like or your marriage would look like and then you had to adjust your expectation because it was not quite,
Measuring Up.

Debi:
[34:26] Jamaican first,
we both love people I think Ron's become more of a people lover through the years is would that be true.

Sarah:
[34:40] Good way to say that's a good that's a safe way to say.

Debi:
[34:43] But,
but I was always I mean I wanted to have people over wanted to go socialize wanted to,
be out and about and,
he and and anybody that goes to 2rivers knows this you know he he's very happy too,
go to North Missouri and be all by himself and he likes me to be a long he's okay well he's okay with me being here.

Sarah:
[35:14] He'll tolerate you being there as what you're saying that.

Debi:
[35:16] As long as I can be quiet and let him have his solitude but no he's much more of a loner and so I guess probably,
I saw that when we dated but you know what when you're dating,
you kind of you kind of enjoy that alone time and and you think oh well you know we'll do when we get married and so you have the expectation you know that you're talking about and and so,
I've learned that that's something that he really.

Sarah:
[35:53] Mmm Yeah.

Debi:
[35:53] And that's okay and,
and he also is great and I mean it's it's God growing us both every day,
to learn to be more selfless and and do the things that the other one,
needs are once but anyway.

Sarah:
[36:19] On what was one of your big.

Ron:
[36:19] Well so so let me let me speak into that for a second so so we're talking about the early years of marriage here,
so I would say a couple of things first of all,
I remember standing on the platform her dad did our wedding right and so they're all the vows that you do right and I have done.

Sarah:
[36:41] Done a lot of weddings yes.

Ron:
[36:43] He's right and so you're standing there and I always I always laugh because I'm I'm with this couple and I'm saying you know do you do this to you this and I like yes we do we do we do right
they've got goo goo eyes for each other and as I'm standing there I'm in the back of my brain I'm just like you have no idea what you're about to get into right because there's no way that you.

Sarah:
[37:02] No you can't.

Ron:
[37:03] There's no way that you can and so I'll be very honest right like when I was on that stage on February the 6 1988 promising whatever I promise to her,
I was I didn't know anything about serving my wife I was there for me,
because she was a prize she was drop-dead gorgeous and my motives on that day were purely selfish I didn't know any and so then we get married right and so I'm like all right I got my girl,
and then we get married we go on a honeymoon we come back right and so found out very quickly this is something that we didn't know,
because we did not live together or anything like that right so we move into an apartment together so we do our wedding we go on a cruise we come back and now we're in,
so first day we both got to go to work 5:30 in the morning she gets out of bed,
Pop's the shutter on our window and it goes up and she starts singing this is the day this is the day that the Lord has made that the door has made right I'm serious,
and I am not a morning person either,
at this point in my life I get up early every morning I actually go down and get coffee for us and bring it up but I'm still not a morning person I'm up early but I don't have to like it.

Sarah:
[38:19] Want to hear the singing in the birds and the sun in your eyes.

Ron:
[38:21] So and and so right like right out of the gate I'm like you have got to be kidding me this is not gonna work,
so so you know that's a deal and then the second or third night of our married life after our honeymoon yeah it's a Tuesday night I come home from work,
I go upstairs I put on my gym shorts my sweatpants my sweatshirt and I come down the stairs and she's like where are you going,
and I said I'm going to play basketball.

Debi:
[38:53] Me look really bad.

Sarah:
[38:55] I don't think it makes you look bad I would ask the same thing.

Ron:
[38:58] I'm going to the gym to play basketball with the guys yeah and,
like I do every Tuesday night and she's like this is this is the first you know night of our you know of our first week of our marriage and she's like I thought we would you know have supper together and then we can sit on the couch.

Debi:
[39:16] Okay so the bad that was back in the day where we had Sunday night church Monday night visitation and then you had Wednesday night church WIll Tuesday was our only night to I was I'm.

Ron:
[39:26] I was I'm let me say she's so you.

Debi:
[39:29] I'm in the wrong on the neck.

Ron:
[39:30] I'm in the wrong on this I was wrong but let me just say,
but I'm we're talking about the expectations and having your eyes open wide right and so I come down and this will also show you that you're talking to two very strong-willed people here right is another thing in our.

Sarah:
[39:45] I can attest to that I've seen some of it it's good I love it.

Ron:
[39:48] I literally I come down and I'm like she's like where are you going I'm like I'm going to the gym to play basketball and she's like,
this is our first night I thought you'd want to stay home you know and and so ultimately she kind of puts me in this you mean to tell me that you'd rather go to the gym and be with a bunch of sweaty guys playing basketball then home here with me which really wasn't fair,
but I'm also in my selfish brain,
danger danger right like this isn't just about me playing basketball tonight I'm going to lose some territory here I'll never gain back.

Sarah:
[40:18] You couldn't give in is.

Debi:
[40:22] Seriously what did you say.

Ron:
[40:24] But we're just keeping it real here so like,
I mean this is our first week of marriage and I am like thinking whoa whoa right and so I and you know me well enough to know and I'm not proud of this and I have matured in 33 years but in that moment I'm like oh no,
I'm not going to lose this battle and so I'm like I'm going to the gym.